To say no to being a guarantor for SC mum?

For me, it would very much depend how she’s ended up in this scenario.
Did she get a fair settlement in the split? Has he set her up once already for success and she stuffed it up?
Or did he fuck her over from day one and she’s never really stood a chance of getting back on her own 2 feet

I used to be a credit controller collecting residential rents & I loved a guarantor. The minute rent was late my companys policy was to go straight to the guarantor. Plus if the renter stopped paying & the guarantor refused to pay any more (this was not unusual) my company issued summons against both parties.
I would not be a guarantor.

How much rent will she need to pay ? Does she earn a full time wage? With her wages CB and maintenance will this enable her to live.I suggest she contacts CAP,Turn to us who could help manage her debts giving her more money monthly.She needs to take responsibility for her predicament she finds her self in.Having the SC more nights means she could find extra work and sort her life out.She needs to find a way what she is asking is a no.

DO NOT DO IT

I was guarantor on a 3 bedroom house for a “friend” who had just separated from her husband, altogether it cost me £54,248.14 including legal fees which is also recoverable from the guarantor by the way, not just the rent.

I repeat, DO NOT DO IT!

Absolutely do not do this.

She struggles with money and being sensible with it.
She is in a bit of a financial mess and has a large amount of debt.
She has poor credit

That would be enough for me. It would only be a matter of time before you had the bailiffs knocking at your door demanding money from your DH for unpaid rent.

I am sure there are other ways you can offer your support for her and your DH's children.

How much is the rent?

What about agreeing to pay the rent in lieu of the maintenance?

Absolutely not under any circumstances.

If she doesn’t pay it then you’ll have to pay. Which given she has bad credit to the extent she has to move is highly likely.

If you are comfortably enough off to loan her 6 months up front that’s something to consider but only if never getting it back won’t effect your finances.

The poster who said it wasn’t you being asked - ie that it’s not your business - is nuts. Marriage is a legally binding arrangement - this includes finances. Asking him IS asking you as it can impact your finances if she doesn’t pay.

It's very ingenuous to assume that it wouldn't have implications for his current wife though.

Completely out there idea:

If your DH already pays £650 maintenance could you both not buy another property and let her live there instead of paying her maintenance.

Obviously depends where you live in the country, and if you have enough equity in your current property/savings to be able to buy another property.

When her boys are 18 she can either pay you market rent or you’ve got that investment for your future.

Or, you could end up paying £1000+ a month in rent.

Nope
if in the future you want to remortgage to do an extension or take out a loan there is a high probability that the amount your guaranteeing say 1k a month will reduce the amount you can borrow

once your on the hook as a guarantor it won’t end until she leaves the house

if she leaves the house on bad terms your on the hook for potentiality thousands of pounds

Please don't agree to act as guarantor - costly way to help.

If you do have the capacity to help her out - could you pay off some of her debt, or increase maintenance to cover higher proportion of her rent. At least that way you are in complete control over how much you pay.

i think the main concern should be what the impact could be on the children.

if They’re teenagers its not like their babies or young children - but presumably they still rely on their mother and moving full time to yours would be a wrench - but maybe that wrench would not be massive - maybe I would.

i think that’s really question - I would agree to it (but not that happily) if I thought that the potential impact on the children of losing that home would be significant. If I thought it would be manageable I would be less inclined to.

It’s a difficult situation

Forgot to add, if she relies on benefits that suggestion to pay the rent directly would not work

Absolutely not, no way, never would I be a guarantor in this situation. You sign up to an unlimited financial responsibility that could become 10s of thousands quickly. For all those talking about putting the children first - What happens if (when) she does not pay, then OP or her husband lose their job and things get tight for them too? They could lose all their savings, even their own house! How would that help the children? It’s a realistic scenario.
I too think the offer to house the children is the right thing to do in these circumstances. However it should not come to that if the ex does not wish it. She should present as homeless to the council. With children she will be considered priority need and helped.
Depending on how much rent is, perhaps you could pay the rent as DH‘s contribution to his children’s upbringing and take on the contract directly instead of other maintenance payments? Again just throwing ideas out there. At least then your risk is in your control. Other forms of help yes, guarantor no. Find a good excuse to maintain relations, but no.

The ex does have family; elderly parents and one brother, as OP wrote in her original post.
OP's DH may feel obliged to do more for his DC, but he certainly isn't obliged to do anything for his ex - she's an adult who has 50% responsibility to keep a roof over her DC's heads.
"Taking" the DC away from her certainly isn't the right thing to do, but offering to have them more than the 3 nights they currently do is a perfectly reasonable offer to make if the ex agrees it would help with her finances.

It's his duty to make sure his children are housed. Not his ex. Why should he and op be financially hit because his ex has been shit with money. Does she get to keep spending irresponsibly and he has to continue to house her forevermore? Don't be ridiculous.

Just a reminder.. guarantor doesn't just leave you liable for the rent but also legal fees if it takes court to evict someone and recover fees. It could end up being way more than just rent you owe.

I was my ex husbands guarantor for a year because it was the only way to get him out of my house and I paid a years rent up front so I knew he couldn't not pay but it was super hard to get off his tenancy and he took the piss (predictably!)

That’s up to the Mum really, isn’t it.

Much better that the father remains financially stable so the kids will always have a roof over their head, than risk both parents getting into a mess.

I strongly advise against doing this @OhYesYouDid0 as it won't have a good outcome and could go on for many years.

The agreement will be in place as long as she's in the property and that could be a very long time. There would be no way of getting you off as a guarantor unless she finds a new one or moves on.

Hell no.

I do not cosign loans for anyone. Your husband's ex who has gotten herself into debt and has poor credit? Nope. Because you are married and share property, the risk of him signing would be joint because it affects all your plans.

There are reasons she's gotten into financial difficulty and she's a financial risk. She needs to address those.

Hard no from me! My brother once asked me to act as guarantor and much as I love him, I said no. At the time I was a single mum of two, had no savings myself and was living ‘month to month’. He had (wrongly!) assumed that as a teacher I’d be ‘loaded’ 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️ I wish!

Have to be honest and say that my refusal did put a strain on our relationship, but I couldn’t say yes…I literally would not have been able to bail him out!

In the end he asked our grandad, and 18 months later he had defaulted, as he lost both his job and his wife! My poor grandad ended up having to pay thousands of pounds.

I would NEVER act as guarantor for anyone!! It’s way too risky.

Rubbish. It's not like she will be living in Outer Mongolia and unable to see them.

Being a guarantor for someone who defaults could end up with you losing your own home, and then what?

This.