To say no to being a guarantor for SC mum?

Yeah he does. His house.

They can stay with him. And the grown adult that is their mother needs to get a grip and stop being so frivolous with money when she's got children to support. It's not his job to house her. Should she be housing him?

There’s no suggestion she got an unfair deal at all. Lots of people are truly shit with money. Presumably your overall assets went down in value because I find it quite unlikely that you would walk away with 15k if the assets were over 100k.

Anyway, my advice is do not agree to this.

The part about how being financially irresponsible means you’re a bad parent rings so true. My DP spent his marriage paying off various debts for his ex wife. She is absolutely terrible with money and a bad parent in many other ways (not bad enough for anything to be done about it but bad enough to be damaging her kids). So glad we didn’t guarantee her rental but we feel bad for her most recent ex who did. Some people can’t be helped.

No. You've got really confused here. Nobody has to support an able-bodied ex to an unlimited degree just because they had children with that person. And a guarantor is unlimited; all rent for possibly years, all property damage even caused by her bew partner etc. Ensuring kids have a home - yes. Being kind and helpful where possible - yea. Risking bankrupting your own household for someone no longer connected to you - no, not reasonable.

Presumably if you were to apply for more mortgage for the extension this would be something affecting how much you could borrow?

What's crazy is you're not thinking how the mum will feel..

I'm starting to think you are the Mother in this scenario.

Do you understand what a guarantor is?

Would you give your ex £30k + that you couldn't really afford in the hopes he would pay it back, even though he's a bit shit with money? Even if it was detrimental to your own kids life?

However your DH is in a two income family.
So saying he is ok financially is due to his wife, the OP. If you and your DH split up, could he afford to have a home for his children with ex and your 1 child and pay £650 to ex, half that maintenance for the 5yr old and be guarantor??

You clearly don’t know what it means though. It’s not just covering their rent for a month or two.

And you cannot seriously convince me that you would be willing to financial support an ex partner forever. Easy to say that on a forum

Because they'd rather have the child than help financially for the mum to keep her children with her at least half the time.

You're not marginally the higher earner because he's paying maintenance plus half of school uniform and everything else they need.

She really is bad with money if she can't manage on a salary plus the above.

My friend works in social housing. She is a prime candidate for this rather than private rental.

I would not act as a guarantor. It can and does go horribly wrong. Liability can be for many months of rent until someone can be evicted and liability can also extend to damage to the property as well. In short the liability is pretty much unlimited. For DCs I reluctantly provided guarantees for an ex, absolutely not, especially one who is poor with money. Elderly DPs could still provide a guarantee or alternatively if a Landlord will agree it is possible to purchase a surety. If she is currently renting from the LA, they also may be able to help.

@Horserider5678 seems to be an ex wife who is insist her ex husband is no longer finding her lifestyle so she’s here projecting 😂😀😅

To answer previous quotes

I know what a guarantor is 🙄

He will be tied to her forever - not in the same way as his wife or kids but still linked to her, as their father

Acting as a guarantor for her, to ensure that the woman who carried and raised his children isn't homeless is absolutely the right and reasonable thing to do

Men are terrifying but so are the attitudes on this thread. You don't owe people but doing the right thing matters in life.

Don't have kids with a woman if you'd happily see her homeless in the future

Edit - yes some bad things have happened to guarantors - but if we lived by that logic, the human race would simply die out due to the number of shit people around

It's not a nice thing to say you don't mind your step child being there more

Amazing isn't it - on practically every thread involving a stepmum they're told that they married a man with DCs so of course they should accept they may need to live with them, and then when someone says they're quite prepared to do this that's wrong too

Again, what do you think being a guarantor is? Did you need read the poster who ended up owing 54k

And if my ex gets sick, no way am I paying his bills and I wouldn’t expect him to pay mine! That’s nuts to even think it

I agree with all of this OP. I think your DH’s obligation is to his children, not his ex. If you’re both prepared to offer them a home if things go wrong then that’s enough. I think a lot of people don’t fully appreciate the responsibility of being a guarantor. You are basically entering into a legally enforceable agreement with the landlord to agree that if the tenant doesn’t pay the rent, you will. The obligation doesn’t end until the original tenancy agreement expires or circumstances change, and you can only end the agreement yourself if the landlord agrees to release you - which, realistically, they’re not going to do if the tenant is in arrears. No matter how reliable his ex is, you don’t know what’s round the corner and it could be financially ruinous. I would stand firm and refuse.

I don’t know if it’s a possibility for her, or an alternative for you and your DH if you feel it’s appropriate, but many landlords won’t insist on a guarantor if you can provide six months rent in advance. Might you be able to help out with that as an option ?

Wow

Yes if the mother of his children gets sick, he should help her! The same way that if a present and good father got sick, the mother of his kids should help him

I'm not saying he has to pay all her bills but he should help her. And acting as a guarantor for the mother of his kids really isn't doing that much, sorry

I think the risk of not being able to have another baby is a huge, life-changing, no do-overs risk. Your DH needs to explain it to her in those terms when he tells her why he, not you, has decided that it's just not possible.

He can tell her that if the situation she swears will never happen does happen, he'll do whatever's necessary to make sure the kids don't suffer.

(don't say 'we'll have the kids live at ours' because it hasn't and hopefully won't happen and she may perceive it as a threat).

Paying any rent is problematic; when the amount she is paying increases she will be back with the begging bowl. Paying off a specific debt to improve her credit would be more sensible, if you can agree to an amount. Alternatively, increasing her payments to say £850/mth should be more than enough.

Offering to have children full-time so she can rent just a room for a period is ideal, and if you're OK with it as you get along, perhaps she can pop in on one or two regular evenings every week to save taking them out. (Pay her to babysit the 5yo at that time for a date night while she restores finances, and have it as a 1 year only plan while she gets herself back on her feet?)

No way would I help out financially. You will never see the money again.

I would tell her to get help from Citizens Advice with her debt. They can also refer her to other sources of help.