To say no to being a guarantor for SC mum?

No not blackmail (though I don’t know her)
But these kids are teens. They move in full time and see their mum struggling it will lead to resentment. And you don’t want resentful teens in your house!
Alternatively they know and vote with their feet and spend less time with the OP and their dad and sibling.
Or she moves further away to more affordable housing thus meaning less contact.

Many scenarios and understanding the full picture and consequences

If you centre the existing dc.

But from op posts ex doesn’t seem like a squanderer. List her job and had a car loan

I've had like 6 people quote me

If you've carried a man's kids and he would see you on the streets, I'm very sorry about that, you deserved better

My point remains the same, that the op is being unreasonable and her husband should do this for the mother of his children, on the condition that she gets her finances sorted.

Those kids deserve a dad who'd ensure their mothers safety.

How much more than the £650 CM is the rent?

I’m wondering whether there’s something creative that could be done here, if she’s basically a good and trustworthy person.

I think it's reasonable not to act as guarantor, as that's not a fixed risk - if she was ill you could end up paying for a long time.

I think your DH should help out with a lump sum to cover the first few months rent - it's housing for his kids, he has a moral responsibility. He can't want his kids to end up in emergency homeless accommodation for half of the week. And the PPs who suggested you take the kids full time and she move into a flat share or studio apartment are not thinking of the well being of the kids.

He could give the necessary lump sum for rent as a long term loan, reducing the child support he pays over a couple of years.

If he gives her a lump sum, you can postpone getting your extension, but you wouldn't have to postpone having another child.

She needs to look at getting her finances in order, and should apply for council housing. Your DH can help her with this if she's not doing it already.

His priority should be his kids having a decent home, and continuing the positive relationship he has with his ex.

Be careful saying no though - there will be ramifications if you do which might outweigh some financial constraints
Blackmail? Try and withhold contact with DC if op and her dh don't give her money on demand?

Everyone can end up in financial shit yes but that is not the responsibility of an ex from whom you are divorced. Any of my friends could get into financial trouble but I wouldn’t be their guarantor and I wager you wouldn’t either. And those are my friends, not my ex. The beauty of divorce is that you meet your financial obligations to your ex at that time and then you no longer have any.

I've been that struggling woman.

I sorted it out myself and didn't rely on my ex or anyone else.

And it still doesn’t change the fact that this man has another wife and family to consider. Being a guarantor is a serious undertaking and appears on your credit record, potentially barring you from future mortgages. It can also lead to financial ruin. OP would be mad to allow him to do this given his ex’s track record with money. It’s a recipe for disaster. And it’s actually quite insulting to women that you are infantilising this woman to the point where you think that ten years on it’s reasonable for her to still be relying on him financially.

I’m separated. Not a chance would I ask this of my ex and I would pee my pants laughing if he came to me asking this.

My financial responsibility is purely mine now that we are apart and finances are agreed.

He's already giving £650 per month as well as housing the DC for half the week and paying half their other expenses. How much more money does the ex need?

maybe he could just give her six months rent up front or pay some of her debts off to help with her credit. Then you’d be helping her for a fixed £ amount not an unknown future liability.
My parents never even accepted to be guarantors for me or my siblings because it’s such a risky proposition. If you want to give something, just give it, with no strings.

Nope. Ten years on, not his responsibility. He can give his kids a home - OP has already said she’s up for that. I can’t believe the attitudes on this thread that so many people believe he should take responsibility for the fact that his ex is crap with money.

😄 no, it suggests that this thread is full of posters who don't care about a woman struggling

Everyone could become this woman - not everyone will have a marriage that lasts long enough for them never to be in this situation.

Not at all fair that she has asked imho. DH needs to reiterate that his obligations are to you and all his DC not to his ex-partner. If she is already in a mess financially might be even if she is well intended she will get behind on her rent. She could speak to Shelter or the CAB for advice but if you agree this risk also is she will come back for more and more. I’d say no. Whatever the fall out.

If not one single person agrees with you, does that not suggest to you that your stance is unrealistic?

And she is just am ex. Am ex that he has kids with but that’s where that ends. Should he support her when they are adults?

From experience, never be a guarantor for anything that you're not prepared to actually pay in full for, because that's most likely what'll happen.
DP guaranteed rent for a flaky family member. They defaulted. DP had to pay for the remainder of the lease, and for professional cleaners as DP's relative and cohabitees had left the (shared) apartment filthy.
I would never have agreed to it if I'd been asked. DP was out of pocket a couple of thousand and is a mug, but has learned lesson (I hope).

Do you know what a guarantor is ?

What reasons were you thinking. They split ten years ago. At what point does he stop being responsible for her shit decisions regarding money ?

I can't keep quoting everyone who thinks I'm wrong and she should be left without her kids to find somewhere to live - without the possibility of a guarantor

She's not just his ex. Sorry, she had and raised his kids. The right man would ensure she doesn't bloody end up homeless because things got tough

I don't think anyone should expect their ex to risk tens of thousands of pounds because they are a bit shit with money tbh.

Your DH is more than fulfilling his obligations.

He pays a significant amount of child maintenance (approx £650 a month) considering that his children stay with you three nights per week. He also pays for half of everything, clothes, uniform, etc.. and pays for phone contracts for both & football clubs.

Despite this, his ex-partner has got herself into a financial mess all of her own making. Enabling her further by acting as guarantor would be the wrong thing to do.

He is prepared to house his children and have them full-time. Considering the situation, this is likely to be the only sensible option under the circumstances.

It's the mother of his children

Who needs a guarantor or will be on the streets

The contract will not be lifelong, none are these days

The likelihood of it going wrong is less likely than the mother of his children getting her shit together for their sake

Hard times can come for us all. It's very easy to act above it all online but the reality is, any woman could become separated from their husband who goes on to have more kids, and lose our jobs. It happens, and when you have no family to really speak of, going cap in hand to your kids dad and his wife takes some courage

I can't believe the attitudes on this thread - life happens to us all. A man who's kids you have should absolutely ensure that you don't end up on the streets!

In what world is OP’s DH responsible for the fact that his ex is shit with money and has got herself into debt ? He’s responsible for his children and OP has already said they would be taken care of. That’s where it ends.

That is providing for her!

And she is an ex, it is that simple.

I certainly am not going to be financially responsible for my ex just because we had kids together and when push comes to shove, neither would you. It’s just easy to say you would.

She is an adult and capable of making her own financial decisions. He isn’t responsible 10+ years after they split.