Happyspendingthedayinthegarden ·
19/04/2025 15:53
Sorry for the long post, but after 5 years together DH & me are having the first disagreement that we've ever seriously had.
For context: DH & me have been an item for about 5 years when I moved to live in the bungalow opposite him. We got married 3 years ago, but, until now have retained our own homes - though in reality we spend most of our time in my home for convenience. I have a nicer bed, better TV & a dog with dog-proof garden. Whereas his bed is knackered, his garden isn't dog-proof (meaning either take dog over the road to mine or take her out on a lead to do her business) & his TV small & doesn't have pause/rewind etc.
We've decided ridiculous to spend 2 lots of Council Tax, Utilities etc & have had our offer on a bungalow on the same estate accepted. The new place is bigger than either of our houses, in perfect condition, lovely wrap-around dog-proofed garden & in all ways perfect for us. Means we can halve our expenses as only paying for one house rather than two.
Now the 'discussions' have started about what of his & mine we have room for...
I have (admittedly) a large collection of a certain Art Deco designer's ceramics. I am talking large-he doesn't know the half of it as I have stuff packed in bubble wrap in boxes - not the mention the stuff that I have on display.
He has a rather large collection of trophies that he won when at school (55ish years ago) including cricket balls & bats won for getting so many wickets/runs all in a cabinet - not to mention the rugby balls (won for getting so many tries in a game) that fall on my head every time to go into his wardrobe!
He's keeping on at me to get rid of my ceramics which I have been drip-feeding onto eBay. But I've said that I can't put too much on at a time as I will flood the market & they won't sell for what they're worth. He says that I need to get rid of all my ceramics as they're not used & no point in keeping them. I say what about all those balls & bats then? His argument is that he has 7 GC & is keeping one for each of them when he dies. He then points out that I have quite a lot of stuff inherited from my GPs, GGPs & parents to pass on to my one DS whereas he inherited nothing from his father & (for various reasons) very little from his mother.
His argument is that he won his trophies whereas I bought my ceramics so no sentimental connection. My argument is that I've built that collection over 45 years & yes, some items are sentimental as they have a connection with my father who encouraged me to buy these items & often bought them for me. I say to him OK keep some of your trophies - but how many cricket balls & bats from their childhood does one man need to keep in order to pass on to their GC?
I don't have GC of my own & I am unlikely to ever have them (another story) but I love sharing his & my will leaves his daughter most of my jewellery to her with the intention that they go to her daughters. His daughter (who I am very close to) also inherits my ceramics as she's often admired them & has said how much she admires that particular designer.
so - AIBU? Or should I suck it up & get rid of 90% of my Art Deco ceramics? If so I may as well box it all up & take it to the local auction house & be done with it.