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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say no to sharing table at coffee shop

113 replies

OrangeChips1 · 19/04/2025 15:37

I bought a coffee and cookie and sat down with by book to eat it at a table outside.

A few minutes later a couple came in, bought their drinks, stared at me as if I'd done something wrong and then asked if they could sit at my table with me (as it was the only one in the sun).
I was confused ....all the other tables were empty.

AIBU to say no? I didn't want to awkwardly sit there reading by book but pretending not to be able to hear their conversation. I could have moved one of the ones in the shade into the sun, but I was confused about why they didn't just do that themselves since I was already sat down and settled in.

OP posts:
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MarkWithaC · 22/04/2025 17:38

asrl78 · 21/04/2025 18:02

If they asked if they could sit down, they didn't assume anything. Assuming would be sitting down without bothering to ask. I admit their asking is odd given the reasonable alternative of moving amother table into the sun, but I don't think it warrants the backlash on here. Having just travelled home from NW England and dealt with the usual stupid twattery on the roads, this doesn't even register on the spectum.

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They assumed she was going to just say yes, so they didn't need to bother rearranging the tables.

Mum2EmLuJa · 22/04/2025 13:29

Urgh I had this on a rare date night with my DH, we went to a pub and only table was a 4 person one in a quiet corner of the pub-lots of standing room at bar, I went to get us drinks and when I returned another couple (who we didn’t know) where sat with my DH on our table and preceded to chat to us for the next hour and half (I was trying to just give closed answers to get rid of them)….f**k off!!

Gendernotsex · 21/04/2025 19:42

I get this a lot OP. If you're a single woman on her own in a public space, couples or groups just seem to target you for some reason, or act like you're invisible. Several times I've had groups (both men and women) or couples invade my space despite there being ample amount of empty tables/spaces. They often don't even ask, just plonk their arses down! I'm convinced it's deliberate sometimes for some strange reason, but that may just be me and it may just be mere ignorance.

Are you in NE England (mainly Tees Valley area) by any chance OP? A lot of people here seem to like targeting lone women in empty places.

Hortus · 21/04/2025 19:29

Trishyb10 · 20/04/2025 22:36

people are people are people, get a life and either chat and be nice or move tables. Over priveliged folk just sitting reading a book

Why should she have to chat to total strangers? Or "be nice"? She didn't want to talk to them and wanted to read her book on her own. What on earth is "over priveleged" about that?! Their wants don't override those of the person already sitting at the table.

mathanxiety · 21/04/2025 19:10

OrangeChips1 · 19/04/2025 15:46

Setting boundaries is a fairly new thing for me due to various childhood blah blahs and I feel panicky doing so. The old me would have moved to another table for them. The new me set a boundary and then is having to breathe through the discomfort. Not sure which is better 🤣

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Saying no as you did was better.

Well done - you were polite and reasonable.
They were also polite, but more than a little unreasonable.

asrl78 · 21/04/2025 18:02

MarkWithaC · 21/04/2025 10:47

the difference is that in the OP's scenario there WERE free tables. They wanted her table because it was in the sun, but did actually manage, when pushed, to work out that they could move another table into the sun. They just didn't bother putting in that thinking at first because they assumed someone on their own wouldn't mind sharing.

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If they asked if they could sit down, they didn't assume anything. Assuming would be sitting down without bothering to ask. I admit their asking is odd given the reasonable alternative of moving amother table into the sun, but I don't think it warrants the backlash on here. Having just travelled home from NW England and dealt with the usual stupid twattery on the roads, this doesn't even register on the spectum.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 21/04/2025 17:37

I think you may find that a lot if couples and families think thet have the divine right to lord it over single people and especially women in cafes.

They rule the world and you are only here on sufferance.In fact you barely. exist in their world

Hotels in places like Spain are even worse, especially if you are single, elderly disabled and a women. The Spanish men really seem to hate single women and go Ape.Shit if you take up a table for two if you need space for your crutches.

And keep their snidey animosity towatds you for the whole holiday

Carry on sitting where you want when you want as a single female customer

Hurrah Honey !!!!

👌👸💗

X

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 21/04/2025 11:06

OrangeChips1 · 21/04/2025 10:31

But why should I move tables? Am puzzled by that

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It's because it's important for YOU to be nice and roll over at entitled people's whims; but other people don't have to be nice at all, and can expect to be given whatever they want, at the expense of all the nice-being people.

MarkWithaC · 21/04/2025 10:49

OrangeChips1 · 21/04/2025 08:38

Omg! Well done for not giving in to the staring down!

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Bunch of twats. I'd have told the gym. Staring with the intent to intimidate can be considered a crime.

MarkWithaC · 21/04/2025 10:47

asrl78 · 20/04/2025 18:35

I think people are exaggerating the attitude of the people asking to sit at the OP's table. They asked politely, they didn't demand to sit there and they accepted no for an answer so by definition they were not entitled. I don't even think it is cheeky, if you don't ask you don't get, and if the worst is a no you haven't lost anything. The other day I was at a very busy service station, got a meal from McDonalds and went to sit down. There were no completely free tables but several with one or two people sitting at a table for four. I found one with one person sitting at a table with four seats and asked if I could sit down and they kindly obliged, I sat diagonally opposite so as to be as far away from them as possible. The alternative of trying to eat a McDonalds meal standing up with a lot of people milling around would have been a lot more difficult.

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the difference is that in the OP's scenario there WERE free tables. They wanted her table because it was in the sun, but did actually manage, when pushed, to work out that they could move another table into the sun. They just didn't bother putting in that thinking at first because they assumed someone on their own wouldn't mind sharing.

Original poster
OrangeChips1 · 21/04/2025 10:31

Trishyb10 · 20/04/2025 22:36

people are people are people, get a life and either chat and be nice or move tables. Over priveliged folk just sitting reading a book

But why should I move tables? Am puzzled by that

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 21/04/2025 10:29

If they want to sit at a particular table they either reserve it in advance or sit elsewhere til you leave.

Original poster
OrangeChips1 · 21/04/2025 10:20

asrl78 · 20/04/2025 18:35

I think people are exaggerating the attitude of the people asking to sit at the OP's table. They asked politely, they didn't demand to sit there and they accepted no for an answer so by definition they were not entitled. I don't even think it is cheeky, if you don't ask you don't get, and if the worst is a no you haven't lost anything. The other day I was at a very busy service station, got a meal from McDonalds and went to sit down. There were no completely free tables but several with one or two people sitting at a table for four. I found one with one person sitting at a table with four seats and asked if I could sit down and they kindly obliged, I sat diagonally opposite so as to be as far away from them as possible. The alternative of trying to eat a McDonalds meal standing up with a lot of people milling around would have been a lot more difficult.

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But this is a completely different scenario - in which I totally wouldn't have minded! Not least because their voices would have merged into the general hubbub.

OP posts:
Totallytoti · 21/04/2025 10:03

I would have said someone is joining me in a bit.

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 21/04/2025 10:00

Trishyb10 · 20/04/2025 22:36

people are people are people, get a life and either chat and be nice or move tables. Over priveliged folk just sitting reading a book

That's a very boundary-less doormat attitude to take. Why must we all 'be nice' and let other people - strangers - decide what we do with our lives and how we must spend our own leisure time to suit them?

Original poster
OrangeChips1 · 21/04/2025 08:45

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 19/04/2025 18:18

Which version? There’s quite a few.

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Oh I didn't know that! Is there a version you'd recommend? Or are they pretty much the same?
I'm reading one by Krishna Dharma..now that you say it it does say "retold by"

OP posts:
Original poster
OrangeChips1 · 21/04/2025 08:43

SmallFiresBurning · 19/04/2025 17:40

The most important thing I want to know is - what are you reading, and is it any good?

Mahabharata by Krishna Dharma. Loving it! Want to curl up and read it all the time but life keeps getting in the way 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
OrangeChips1 · 21/04/2025 08:42

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 19/04/2025 17:31

People are proper cheeky these days. I was sat in a cafe with my children once and a young woman say down next to my child and pushed his food out the way. She didn’t even say anything and when I said excuse me she just pretended not to hear, if I wasn’t breastfeeding my baby I’d have been a lot more aggressive. Thankfully her friends told her to move which she did whilst smirking.

Omg! How rude!

OP posts:
Original poster
OrangeChips1 · 21/04/2025 08:41

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 19/04/2025 17:20

They might also have been the kind of people who always want to talk to/at strangers at length, everywhere they go, regardless of whether the strangers are up for it or want to be left alone.

Or they've grown to hate the sight of each other over the years and now have to introduce a stranger into their joint activities to force things to stay civil - like John & Mary from Father Ted!!

Oh gawd. Doubly glad I said no!
It was my first moment alone in days, a long conversation would have been so annoying.

OP posts:
Original poster
OrangeChips1 · 21/04/2025 08:40

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 19/04/2025 17:16

I personally wouldn't have been so frank; but I think it very much depends on how he said it - and I would also have declined.

If he did it aggressively, that's uncalled-for; but if it was an informal, jovial response to match a very cheeky request, I don't honestly blame him.

That's a real non-justification on their part: basically saying "Can we sit here, because we want to - and we believe that our wants trump yours?" They have a nerve expecting another customer to move from a particular table in a cafe that's open to anybody (and presumably on a first come first served basis), when there are other free tables, just because that's the one they always choose when it happens to be available!

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"Can we sit here, because we want to - and we believe that our wants trump yours?"
Exactly!

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Original poster
OrangeChips1 · 21/04/2025 08:38

Pancakeflipper · 19/04/2025 16:53

OMG - These people don't just exist in my world?

Was at the gym today. On one of 5 working rowing machines (2 broken). Rowing merrily and along come 3 blokes who ask if I'll move to another machine so they sit together. I said sorry, no.

I was sat in the middle one but that's cos the others were in use when I got there.

I was aiming for 5k row today and was nearly half way through so didn't want to restart on another machine.

They decided to stand there and wait. Lined up in front of me. Intimidating, so turned up the volume of my podcast, shut my eyes and continued for the next 3000metres. They got bored and buggered off.

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Omg! Well done for not giving in to the staring down!

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gingersnapdrop · 21/04/2025 00:22

LusciousLondoner · 19/04/2025 18:37

They were swingers and had you lined up for a 3some!

This. I’m surprised more people haven’t mentioned it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/04/2025 23:06

I think they were rude to ask, especially as there was another table they could (and did) easily move into the sun.

If you’d said yes, then you’d be the third person sitting at “their” table, and it wouldn’t be relaxing.

People on their own have as much right to a nice table as those in couples or groups.

Tortielady · 20/04/2025 22:58

Their problem wasn't that there weren't any tables...just that the one they wanted wasn't available. My local Caffè Nero has a banquette tucked away at the back which is very popular with people who want to work, study, read, have a heart-to-heart or whatever. The spot on the far left near the wall is particularly sought after and bagging it is a combination of luck and timing. Those of us who prefer it are used to getting it sometimes and settling for another spot if they don't - there's no sense of ownership about it. I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that my reasons for wanting that spot - or being there at all - don't matter to anybody except me. My right to the best seat with the right sort of light doesn't trump anyone else's, or vice versa.

Trishyb10 · 20/04/2025 22:36

people are people are people, get a life and either chat and be nice or move tables. Over priveliged folk just sitting reading a book