Page 7 | To think you should never cohabit with a man unless he’s paying the majority of the bills?

IVFmumoftwo · 19/04/2025 20:43

What are you smoking?

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 19/04/2025 20:43

AnxiousOCDMum · 19/04/2025 20:35

It’s perfectly reasonable though for either man or woman to want biological children more than stay in a relationship with someone who can’t give them that. I would rather my husband leave if that was our situation than stay and be resentful. Depends what their priorities are.

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But to say you wouldn't marry someone with performance issues because you want children is very different to knowing it was absolutely impossible. An impotent man might be fertile and with treatment could father children.

A man with no performance issues may never be able to father children. But who knows til he tries?

A woman who is specifically looking for someone to father their children may end up being unable to conceive or carry to term.

These aren't things you know til you try. And most people won't try til they're married. Especially very religious people.

Hankunamatata · 19/04/2025 20:41

It's about what suits your relationship. But life tends not to work out how you plan.

Iv been the main wage provider and dh a sahp, we have reversed roles, we have both worked. We are a team and do what we deem best for our family.

I think your thinking is very rigid. If the man is the main earner what happens if he gets sick or runs off with another woman?

ZoeCM · 19/04/2025 20:40

OP, are you that poster who proudly announced that she sits on the floor while her husband sits on the sofa so that he can feel "above" her?

ZoggyStirdust · 19/04/2025 20:38

FatimasBakery · 19/04/2025 19:53

This might sound harsh, but I wouldn't have gotten married to someone on a low paid job.

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It sounds mercenary rather than harsh

AnxiousOCDMum · 19/04/2025 20:37

Uricon2 · 19/04/2025 20:08

I find more disturbing that there are women who do not understand their divinity

Women are not divine. We are not God. We are homo sapiens sapiens and part of the same species as the half with the Y chromosome. More connects us than divides us but it has been a big lot of battle to even gain some rights because we aren't usually as physically strong. I'm not prepared to see them rolled back because someone thinks "being feminine" is in any way important, thank you very much.

Edited

Well you see, I do think women are divine and I believe we are all love and god is love.

AnxiousOCDMum · 19/04/2025 20:35

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 19/04/2025 20:33

And being able to perform doesn't guarantee fertility.

If a man said "I wouldn't want a barren wife because I want children" there would be uproar.

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It’s perfectly reasonable though for either man or woman to want biological children more than stay in a relationship with someone who can’t give them that. I would rather my husband leave if that was our situation than stay and be resentful. Depends what their priorities are.

AnxiousOCDMum · 19/04/2025 20:34

Parker231 · 19/04/2025 20:16

I love my children and supporting my DH and family - doesn’t mean I can’t have a successful career and outsource the cleaning, ironing, shopping etc.

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I get it, we’re all different. I have no interest in building a career or taking orders off another adult. And I can still outsource whatever I wish to (while it’s finacially viable).

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 19/04/2025 20:33

Parker231 · 19/04/2025 20:29

How sad - he could loose his job after your marriage or become impotent through illness. Would you not support him financially and emotionally?

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And being able to perform doesn't guarantee fertility.

If a man said "I wouldn't want a barren wife because I want children" there would be uproar.

Parker231 · 19/04/2025 20:29

FatimasBakery · 19/04/2025 20:27

If he has sufficient income to support myself and our family

I wouldn't want an impotent husband because I want children

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How sad - he could loose his job after your marriage or become impotent through illness. Would you not support him financially and emotionally?

FatimasBakery · 19/04/2025 20:27

Parker231 · 19/04/2025 20:12

Love but only if he’s wealthy?

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If he has sufficient income to support myself and our family

I wouldn't want an impotent husband because I want children

DecafDodger · 19/04/2025 20:25

Why do you view it as the woman is being subservient and depending on the man? Does money = power to you?

Yes, of course. Unless you live entirely off grid and weave all your own lentils, you need money to live. And if you don't earn an income, you are depending on another person - why can decide to stop financing you at any time.

Uricon2 · 19/04/2025 20:22

I'm bewildered that there are seemingly some women today who cling to attitudes that my born 1890s Nan would have spurned. She deeply regretted having to give up her career on marriage (there was no choice) and one of her favourite sayings was "If you spoil a boy, you make a rod for another woman's back". Her sons were expected to muck in with household chores. Amazingly, they survived.

I tthink it has plangency today.

HunnyPot · 19/04/2025 20:19

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 15:26

If a woman expecting reciprocity and respect in a relationship makes you reach for slurs, that says more about you than me. We’re clearly not having the same conversation - I’m speaking about standards, you’re speaking from bitterness.

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What? You don’t think sex workers deserve to be paid?

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 19/04/2025 20:19

AnxiousOCDMum · 19/04/2025 20:01

I find more disturbing that there are women who do not understand their divinity and think being feminine is anti feminist. Why do you view it as the woman is being subservient and depending on the man? Does money = power to you?

You talk about fighting for equality like that’s superior to having peace in equilibrium.

If the women who stay home to look after their children and cook meals, keep a tidy home etc are considered “subservient”, then I see it that men are just as “subservient” to the needs of their families by taking care of them financially. Going out to work and paying bills.

There is so much happiness to be found in supporting eachother to each have specific roles in a marriage and partnership rather than both scrambling to do it all and not as well as you’re pulled in so many directions.

If the man does the childcare and housework, is he now feminine?

Femininity is nothing to do with whether you cook or clean or doing the "caring". Masculinity is nothing to do with earning money.

To be feminine literally means "to be female" and to be masculine means "to be male". A bit like to be feline means "to be a cat".

Surferosa · 19/04/2025 20:18

Liz1tummypain · 19/04/2025 18:41

Just want to say I hope all the ladies out there will remember to show up and do an emotional check-in with their other halves tonight. Before checking what's in the fridge and being present for the correct alignment of values in the best gendered relationship dynamics.

No bullshit in that at all.

My husbands currently hoovering downstairs but I suspect if I was to approach him about doing an emotional check in or making sure I was present for the correct alingment of values in our relationship, he'd be sprinting out the front door. Likewise if he did the same to me!

SouthLondonMum22 · 19/04/2025 20:18

AnxiousOCDMum · 19/04/2025 20:14

That’s good for you.

I love being with my children and I love supporting my husband and family in the way feels most natural to me

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I love being with my children too but I also love my career and financial independence.

Parker231 · 19/04/2025 20:16

AnxiousOCDMum · 19/04/2025 20:14

That’s good for you.

I love being with my children and I love supporting my husband and family in the way feels most natural to me

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I love my children and supporting my DH and family - doesn’t mean I can’t have a successful career and outsource the cleaning, ironing, shopping etc.

Parker231 · 19/04/2025 20:15

Surferosa · 19/04/2025 20:04

I've only read the first post, but I can't make head nor tail from the complete word salad the OP posts.

Thankfully neither me or my husband live in the 1950s. We both earn roughly the same so pay equally into our joint account. And as we both work we also do 50/50 housework and parenting. If anything he probably does more than me! It's thankfully never been anything that's been a bone of contention between us!

Agree! AI generated posts never make much sense!

AnxiousOCDMum · 19/04/2025 20:14

SouthLondonMum22 · 19/04/2025 20:07

I don't see anything feminine about looking after your own children, cooking and cleaning. I expect any adult who wants to have children to contribute equally to all of that.

We don't feel pulled in many directions at all and I certainly wouldn't feel at peace or happy if I had to be a SAHM. No thank you.

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That’s good for you.

I love being with my children and I love supporting my husband and family in the way feels most natural to me

Parker231 · 19/04/2025 20:13

FatimasBakery · 19/04/2025 20:09

Yes but I have the choice to waive that obligation if and when I choose

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Do you work outside the home?

Parker231 · 19/04/2025 20:12

FatimasBakery · 19/04/2025 19:59

Of course love comes into it, but there are other things as well. For example I would not want to be with an impotent man.

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Love but only if he’s wealthy?

Stravaig · 19/04/2025 20:09

Holy hell, they are multiplying!

FatimasBakery · 19/04/2025 20:09

WeHaveTheRabbit · 19/04/2025 20:02

But your previous post says that in your religion the husband "has to pay all the bills, pay the mortgage." That certainly sounds as though he is obligated to pay for everything. So if you contribute, he would not be upholding his religious obligations?

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Yes but I have the choice to waive that obligation if and when I choose

Uricon2 · 19/04/2025 20:08

I find more disturbing that there are women who do not understand their divinity

Women are not divine. We are not God. We are homo sapiens sapiens and part of the same species as the half with the Y chromosome. More connects us than divides us but it has been a big lot of battle to even gain some rights because we aren't usually as physically strong. I'm not prepared to see them rolled back because someone thinks "being feminine" is in any way important, thank you very much.