Page 26 | To think you should never cohabit with a man unless he’s paying the majority of the bills?

Original poster

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 14:26

arethereanyleftatall · 19/04/2025 14:17

You realise absolutely no one so far has agreed with you op?

I’m aware and I’m okay with that. Not everything needs to be posted for agreement. Sometimes it’s just about saying the thing out loud that others are thinking but won’t say. I knew it would be unpopular, that doesn’t make it untrue.

OP posts:

Crazybaby123 · 19/04/2025 14:25

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 14:00

Because “fair” doesn’t always mean “equal in numbers.” In many relationships, women are already contributing more in emotional labour, home management, caregiving, and keeping the relationship connected. If the man is also paying exactly half - who’s really carrying more weight?

I’m not against balance. I just don’t believe identical roles = healthy dynamics. Some of us value traditional masculine provision - not out of weakness but because we bring a different kind of strength.

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It's not traditional, the shift towards patriarchal society was introduced during the bronze age during the agricultural rise and male strength became more useful to pull plows. But now noone needs to pull a plow by hand, so we don't need the patriarchy.

SunnyViper · 19/04/2025 14:24

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 13:57

Because I believe in masculine provider energy and I’m not looking to split hairs or bills. If I’m showing up emotionally, practically, and often doing more of the invisible labour that keeps a household running, I don’t think it’s wild to expect financial leadership in return. It’s about alignment. Some of us just don’t want a 50/50 roommate dynamic in our relationships.

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What bollocks

Original poster

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 14:24

PowderMonkeys · 19/04/2025 14:14

Or you’re fantasising pathetically about a Big,Strong Man sweeping you off your tiny, pwincessy feet with the words ‘There, there — don’t worry your pretty little head about anything’…?

Grow up, OP.

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It’s always interesting how quickly a woman expressing a preference for masculine leadership gets reduced to a “pwincess” fantasy. What I described isn’t about helplessness - it’s about polarity, contribution, and mutual respect. But if it makes you feel better to mock it, go ahead. Still doesn’t make it any less valid.

OP posts:

DecafDodger · 19/04/2025 14:23

Was the ChatGPT prompt on purpose to make your posts sound like straight out of manosphere reddit?
masculine provider energy, leading in a relationship and what one is bringing to a table are expressions that no woman has used ever.

MidnightPatrol · 19/04/2025 14:23

You sound like you think the world owes you a living tbh.

What would happen if this ‘provider’ became ill and couldn’t work any more?

Watermill · 19/04/2025 14:23

You keep posting, but it still doesn’t make any sense…

Original poster

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 14:22

NeuroSpicyCat · 19/04/2025 14:14

“emotional labour… and keeping the relationship connected”

What do these mean?

Emotional labour is the work of managing feelings - your own and other people’s. That includes things like remembering birthdays, smoothing over tensions, checking in after a bad day, planning meaningful time together, and noticing when something’s off and taking the lead to fix it.

Keeping the relationship connected means tending to the emotional health of the relationship - making sure it doesn’t go cold, distant, or transactional. In a lot of relationships, it’s the women who initiate difficult conversations, plan quality time, handle emotional check-ins and carry the mental load of keeping things emotionally stable.

OP posts:

NeuroSpicyCat · 19/04/2025 14:22

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 14:19

If a man genuinely wants to take the lead at home - emotionally, practically, domestically - and does so consistently and with intention, then yes, I think it’s fair for him to earn less. For me, it’s less about who earns more and more about who’s leading and what they’re bringing to the table. I value masculine provision but I also value complimentary energy - not two people trying to be the same. The problem is, most of the time women are holding down both: the emotional labour and half the bills.

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what do you mean by “emotional labour”?

vodkaredbullgirl · 19/04/2025 14:21

Think someone has hit the gin bottle too early 😆

intrepidpanda · 19/04/2025 14:20

I would change the title to
To think it's OK to cohabit with a man if he's paying the majority of the bills.
Nobody should be saying how the dynamics of other people's relationships SHOULD go.
You do you, we are equals

stclementine · 19/04/2025 14:19

You really are talking absolute bollocks.

Original poster

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 14:19

NeuroSpicyCat · 19/04/2025 14:12

What if the bloke is doing most of the domestic stuff, is it okay for him to earn less then?

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If a man genuinely wants to take the lead at home - emotionally, practically, domestically - and does so consistently and with intention, then yes, I think it’s fair for him to earn less. For me, it’s less about who earns more and more about who’s leading and what they’re bringing to the table. I value masculine provision but I also value complimentary energy - not two people trying to be the same. The problem is, most of the time women are holding down both: the emotional labour and half the bills.

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 19/04/2025 14:17

You realise absolutely no one so far has agreed with you op?

PowderMonkeys · 19/04/2025 14:17

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 14:14

I’m not “up to” anything - I said what I meant and clearly it has resonated (positively or not). If people disagree, they’re free to say so. But implying there’s some hidden agenda because the post struck a nerve is a bit telling, no?

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It’s more that you’ve started several.

PowderMonkeys · 19/04/2025 14:14

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 14:11

I actually spend plenty of time with real people - including men who do believe in leading financially, not because they’re being exploited but because they value what their partner brings outside of money. The roommate dynamic might protect some people but others find it exhausting, transaction in its own way and low-vibe. We all value different things in relationships. I’m not prescribing a rule - just describing what works for me and many other women I know offline.

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Or you’re fantasising pathetically about a Big,Strong Man sweeping you off your tiny, pwincessy feet with the words ‘There, there — don’t worry your pretty little head about anything’…?

Grow up, OP.

Original poster

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 14:14

Locutus2000 · 19/04/2025 14:05

Random username or not, the conversation clearly struck a nerve.

You realise everybody here can see exactly what you are up to, right?

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I’m not “up to” anything - I said what I meant and clearly it has resonated (positively or not). If people disagree, they’re free to say so. But implying there’s some hidden agenda because the post struck a nerve is a bit telling, no?

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 19/04/2025 14:14

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 14:00

Because “fair” doesn’t always mean “equal in numbers.” In many relationships, women are already contributing more in emotional labour, home management, caregiving, and keeping the relationship connected. If the man is also paying exactly half - who’s really carrying more weight?

I’m not against balance. I just don’t believe identical roles = healthy dynamics. Some of us value traditional masculine provision - not out of weakness but because we bring a different kind of strength.

Show quote history

You do you. But if I cba to have a man, I’d want an emotional mature one.

NeuroSpicyCat · 19/04/2025 14:14

“emotional labour… and keeping the relationship connected”

What do these mean?

Original poster

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 14:13

HiRen · 19/04/2025 14:04

“Some of us value traditional masculine provision” - so why are you asking Mumsnet, then?!

Have a lie down, dear. Think it through a little bit more.

You’d be surprised how many women on here actually do agree - they’re just less vocal about it because they know this is the tone they’ll get in response. Not everything has to be posted for agreement. Sometimes it’s about saying what others won’t and letting the conversation unfold from there.

OP posts:

NeuroSpicyCat · 19/04/2025 14:12

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 13:57

Because I believe in masculine provider energy and I’m not looking to split hairs or bills. If I’m showing up emotionally, practically, and often doing more of the invisible labour that keeps a household running, I don’t think it’s wild to expect financial leadership in return. It’s about alignment. Some of us just don’t want a 50/50 roommate dynamic in our relationships.

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What if the bloke is doing most of the domestic stuff, is it okay for him to earn less then?

pinotnow · 19/04/2025 14:12

I really hate the phrase 'show up' when used in the way the OP does. It always gives a sniff of claptrap and it's absolutely reeking here.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/04/2025 14:12

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 13:57

Because I believe in masculine provider energy and I’m not looking to split hairs or bills. If I’m showing up emotionally, practically, and often doing more of the invisible labour that keeps a household running, I don’t think it’s wild to expect financial leadership in return. It’s about alignment. Some of us just don’t want a 50/50 roommate dynamic in our relationships.

Edited

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Right. So in this nonsense of words…

yes, if one person is doing more of the housework and the other person is doing earning more, than, rather obviously, the latter person will put more in the pot.

but - why would you want to be with someone who thinks housework is womens work?

Original poster

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 14:11

HiRen · 19/04/2025 14:02

I think you’ve been spending too much time on the internet and not enough time with actual humans. I wish you luck finding a partner who will pay the majority of the bills and not expect more than the monetary equivalent in return. The “roommate dynamic” you disparage is more for your protection than his.

I actually spend plenty of time with real people - including men who do believe in leading financially, not because they’re being exploited but because they value what their partner brings outside of money. The roommate dynamic might protect some people but others find it exhausting, transaction in its own way and low-vibe. We all value different things in relationships. I’m not prescribing a rule - just describing what works for me and many other women I know offline.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 19/04/2025 14:09

Lol. No way I'm going to rely on a bloke like that. Bless you OP.