To think you should never cohabit with a man unless he’s paying the majority of the bills?

I think it’s fine for you to want what you want in a relationship. But not to prescribe what others might want or what works best for them. I would never date a man who wanted to be a provider or a protector, and I don’t want leadership. Those things are turn offs for me. But then I also wouldn’t be able to bear someone who describes people as having certain energies, or use words like vibes, energy or alignment when it comes to relationships. I just would not show up.

Don and Betty Draper

Who cares what kind of relationship you want, OP? What’s it got to do with anyone else?

All this is just an awful lot of words for preferring a trad relationship. Who cares?

I find it so weird you talking about 'twice the emotional work'. My husband is an amazing parent who does the same amount of emotional work as me. Why have that expectation going in - that you're going to be some dogsbody? I contribute half to all bills as well. I think you're living on another planet.

I think you should never cohabit with a man if you are not married. Marriage is some sort of a guarantee - well, in case you divorce. Otherwise you are providing sex on tap, housekeeping services and all the time he is looking for a better option, whilst your reproductive health suffers and he is able to breed into his 80s. Look at the threads on here - oh, we have been together for X years and he took off - what recourse do I have? Bugger all is your recourse. Oh, I helped to build up his career and he has just hopped off into the sunset with a woman he works with.... What recourse do I have? I don't know why women are so intent to make the same mistake again and again.

Obviously, if you are playing the long game (Kate Middleton) and what is her face that snatched the Duke of whatever when the Duke was on a 'temporary break' with his long-term girl-friend, other rules apply, I am sure.

But if they are not oligarchs, or royalty and you have no 'cunning plans for future', why let those wankers get away with no obligations?

Obviously, if you are the Duchess of whatever/Senior Partner/etc. and he is a plumber, then you may not want to marry him, but in the majority of cases it is bog-standard people playing stupid games with non-committing.

Yes but the Op wants to keep her earnings to herself whilst expecting a man to spend all his keeping the both of them .

Nah, it’s preferable to work as a partnership, with both partners contributing equally, including emotional involvement.

I can't see anything on the comparison sites about Maculine Provider Energy. Are they better than OVO? What are their switching incentives?

Oh aye, “traditional masculine provision” yeah? Fuck off with your trad wives bullshit.

Does your protector and provider know you're wasting your time on MN instead of cooking his dinner?

"If I’m contributing emotionally, practically and often carrying the invisible load that keeps things running."

That's purely subjective. As the late HRH would say, 'recollections may vary'.

In the rinser article, the rinser felt that a man should pay because she'd spent $20,000 on a XL boob job, was wearing several kilos of expensive make up and didn't have cheap nylon hair extensions, spray on tan, inch long false eyelashes, and sparkly, sequinned dress (more drag queen, than classy), and someone had to pay for all this - despite these being all her choices.

I think making this about money is a red herring. What matters is equal effort / equal contribution - or equal energy - to keeping the team ship afloat. In some relationships that will be equal financial contribution + split of domestic / child related labour. In other relationships that means that one party is in charge of the income and the other takes on more of the other labour.

obviously both contributing equally financially while one party sits around and plays video games while the other does the laundry and cooking is a horrible set up.

But my relationship, as a SAHP I make zero financial contribution - if you spoke to my husband about it he would confirm that I pull my weight fully in terms of our team effort.

people need to have these conversations about expectations in advance of moving in together. There isn’t a one size fits all scenario.

Meanwhile, some of us are aware it’s not 1950.

If you had self respect I don't think you'd post drivel like this thread.

I pay all the bills. Every single one.

i’m the higher earner too.

how does that fit into your ethos @ThisSereneSnail ?

Ah, that masculine energy, eh. Would that be the same masculine energy that likes wearing fishnets and lipstick and going into women's loos?

Women who have jobs don't have self respect?

But why don’t you require that from the male ‘provider’ in equal amounts? That’s what makes you sound so tragic, as you are implying he doesn’t have to provide any of these things if he’s financing the household. A relationship in which only one person is emotionally intelligent and loyal (it’s not clear what you mean by ‘peace’) is never going to work.

Depends if you are his partner or whore?

show up 😂

I'm picturing men on giant hamster wheels powering up the lights.

“Masculine provider energy” is hilarious. 😂

It’s also completely nonsensical. You can believe in it all you like, that doesn’t mean it exists.