Page 15 | To think you should never cohabit with a man unless he’s paying the majority of the bills?

Original poster

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 16:53

DefinitelyMaybe92 · 19/04/2025 15:38

It really does sound like you’re suggesting that if a man isn’t the bread-winner, he’s not masculine, and if a woman is the bread-winner she’s not feminine/“soft”?? IF that is what you’re suggesting, you might need to broaden your horizons. Again, this all sounds to me like the propaganda that is being spewed from far-right US social media right now, regurgitated.

Edited

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I’m not suggesting that masculinity = money or that women who earn can’t be feminine - plenty of couples thrive in all kinds of dynamics. What I am saying is that for me (and women who feel similarly), relationships feel more natural when we’re not both holding the exact same role. I lead with emotional contribution, relational awareness and soft energy and I feel most fulfilled when that’s met with financial leadership and grounded support.

That’s not “propaganda” - that’s personal preference. I’m not asking everyone to live this way. I’m just not pretending the 50/50 model is the only respectable option. Different women, different wiring.

OP posts:

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 19/04/2025 16:53

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 16:43

Funny how no one asks that when someone’s preaching 50/50. I’m not sharing a tax return - I’m sharing a perspective.

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They're asking because a marriage is a very long term partnership where the "leadership" of the finances, emotions, domesticity etc changes hands regularly, depending on what is needed at that point in your lives together.

If you're not married or your relationship is not long term, it's likely you've not experienced those changes.

How would you cope with that?

onwards2025 · 19/04/2025 16:52

My number 1 takeaway from your posts OP are the repeated references to nurturing the relationship, maintaining the relationship etc as a contribution - are you seriously saying that is part of your contribution in return for a man making a higher financial contribution, are you utterly oblivious to how that sounds and what that makes you and sums up very well why soooooo many posters disagree with your views?!

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 19/04/2025 16:49

Also disappears in the middle of the thread never to be heard of again often at the same time a new similarly themed thread starts

ZoggyStirdust · 19/04/2025 16:49

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 19/04/2025 16:48

User names are mostly three words that include an animal

ThisAdjectiveNoun

you see a few of them, definitely chosen by real
people and not bots…

Original poster

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 16:48

Parker231 · 19/04/2025 15:35

I work in Corporate Finance and have much greater financial skills than DH, a doctor. Our salaries have over the years been quite similar and we have jointly contributed to the running of our home and bringing up our children.

What is ‘softer energy’?

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That sounds like a great dynamic for your household and it clearly works well for you. When I say softer energy, I mean a more nurturing, emotionally attuned presence - the kind of energy that holds space, brings peace and often leads in relational depth rather than logistics. Some women find that role comes naturally to them and they value a partner who brings structure, direction, and material security to compliment that. It’s not about one being better than the other - it’s about alignment. We’re not all wired the same way and that’s okay.

OP posts:

ruethewhirl · 19/04/2025 16:48

Deanthebean · 19/04/2025 16:40

Are you Lauren off married at first sight?

I was just about to post the same thing!

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 19/04/2025 16:48

User names are mostly three words that include an animal

WeHaveTheRabbit · 19/04/2025 16:48

You've already backtracked from your initial categorical statement to a stance of "this is what I want, I'm not saying it's right for everybody." 🙄

But I'm still curious about what "financial leadership" entails. Does that mean exclusively that the man should earn more money than the woman? If so, how much more? Or does it mean that he also decides how the money is spent? Does it mean he doles out "housekeeping" money to the little woman and she must present an accounting of how his money is spent?

ZoggyStirdust · 19/04/2025 16:48

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 19/04/2025 16:46

I believe this AI bot poster may have had recent threads about how much an engagement ring should cost, why a man should pay on the first date, and why it's not acceptable to date a man who earns less even if they are kind.

Oh it’s that one

definitely not a bot ( as the last time I accused someone of that I was deleted, apparently it’s a crime on here to say that)…

BunnyLake · 19/04/2025 16:48

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 19/04/2025 16:46

I believe this AI bot poster may have had recent threads about how much an engagement ring should cost, why a man should pay on the first date, and why it's not acceptable to date a man who earns less even if they are kind.

They sound like someone who has never been in a long term, committed, grown up relationship.

Parker231 · 19/04/2025 16:47

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 19/04/2025 16:46

I believe this AI bot poster may have had recent threads about how much an engagement ring should cost, why a man should pay on the first date, and why it's not acceptable to date a man who earns less even if they are kind.

I think you may be right as this is a first time poster. Definitely AI vibes.

ZoggyStirdust · 19/04/2025 16:46

But op you are still equating financially providing and “leading” a relationship with your so called “masculine energy”.

why is it masculine to provide?

Parker231 · 19/04/2025 16:46

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 16:44

Soft energy’s not on a tariff but it’s priceless. Not everyone has the range and that’s okay.

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What is soft energy?

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 19/04/2025 16:46

I believe this AI bot poster may have had recent threads about how much an engagement ring should cost, why a man should pay on the first date, and why it's not acceptable to date a man who earns less even if they are kind.

BunnyLake · 19/04/2025 16:46

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 16:44

Soft energy’s not on a tariff but it’s priceless. Not everyone has the range and that’s okay.

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Have you ever actually had a proper, long, relationship with a man at all?

Parker231 · 19/04/2025 16:46

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 16:43

Funny how no one asks that when someone’s preaching 50/50. I’m not sharing a tax return - I’m sharing a perspective.

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Its a simple question as length of marriage can impact on your view point.

Original poster

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 16:44

VeraWangTea · 19/04/2025 15:34

Soft energy?

What tariff is that on then?

Soft energy’s not on a tariff but it’s priceless. Not everyone has the range and that’s okay.

OP posts:

BunnyLake · 19/04/2025 16:44

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 16:43

Funny how no one asks that when someone’s preaching 50/50. I’m not sharing a tax return - I’m sharing a perspective.

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Come on now it’s a simple question.

Boomer55 · 19/04/2025 16:44

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 13:47

Split finances = split energy.

Split 50/50 yes. Anything else, no.🤷‍♀️

ghostyslovesheets · 19/04/2025 16:43

You don’t really say much about your life experience @ThisSereneSnail but you come across as really naive and young.

im 55 and have been in 4 long term relationships and one marriage - to a very financially wealthy masculine man - who turned that into financial abuse and infidelity, maybe I didn’t bring enough feminine energy to it, too busy working and raising 3 kids.

my point is that all relationship dynamics and ‘power’ shift through the years and with life changes - your ideal man could become abusive, resentful, made redundant, have a stroke - you have this very Disney princess happy ever after view which does suggest you are young and/or very inexperienced in relationships

me, I always knew my worth so I’m happily single by choice for the past 16 years - it’s bliss

Original poster

ThisSereneSnail · 19/04/2025 16:43

Parker231 · 19/04/2025 15:32

How long have you been married?

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Funny how no one asks that when someone’s preaching 50/50. I’m not sharing a tax return - I’m sharing a perspective.

OP posts:

Iwannakeepondancing · 19/04/2025 16:42

I work PT and my DH works FT and earns a lot more than me so of course he pays the majority because he has more money! I work PT to look after my son after school so I do most of the housework, the shopping etc. If I worked FT and earned more, it would be the other way around. If we were equal it would be 50:50. There are a lot of factors to think about!

Simonjt · 19/04/2025 16:40

I didn’t realise golddiggers were still in fashion, seems rather 1980’s.

The kids of these relationships don’t do well, the boys grow up entitled and seeing women as slaves, where as the girls have poor aspirations and learn they are a household appliance and nothing more:

Deanthebean · 19/04/2025 16:40

Are you Lauren off married at first sight?