To think you should never cohabit with a man unless he’s paying the majority of the bills?

Jesus Christ at what point have I said it is a FT job! I have distinctly said it is a PT job for me as I have a large property.

I have also said I still had to dedicate a number of hours to domestic chores when I was working FT in my 2 bed property.

Suggesting you can do all of the cleaning, cooking and laundry in under an hour is a fallacy unless you have incredibly low standards... Otherwise it does take hours and hours over the course of the week, whether that is done bit by bit or not.

What experience has taught you this in life?

If you take care to act like a responsible person and your partner does the same, then that provides a solid foundation.

It has nothing to do with how you split finances. For some couples a 50/50 split will work. For some it will be a different split. It depends on the relationship.

You may well value and want to split things a certain way, and meet someone who thinks the same. You might meet someone who wants to do it differently. No one knows.

It's also not that important at the end of the day to be dictatorial about a 75/25 split.

A dinner and the clear up doesn't take an hour or more every day.

For example, yesterday I had family round so I did a pasta sauce (slow cooked, from scratch, it takes 3 hours to cook but it mostly does it itself and make it while I'm working or while we're in the house anyway). I did a batch of the sauce that would feed 15 people, despite only 6 needing feeding yesterday. There's three of us normally, so that extra 9 portions gets divvied into pots and frozen. It'll feed us three more times, and will take 20 minutes max to prep.

Do that every time you make anything freezable and time consuming and you have a freezer full of quick (but entirely homemade) meals. And then because you're just warming through and adding minimal the clear up is quick too.

You are genuinely making things take way too long.

Be a stay at home parent if that works for you and your family. No judgement on that. But don't pretend that it's because it's a full time job to clean and cook; too many of us do that alongside work and have fulfilling lives outside of the house and work to know you're talking rubbish. And most of us don't have low standards either.

I never suggested it took the 'whole weekend' to clean a smaller house.

Both people doing 10 minutes here and there adds up to hours, that is just a fact. Preparing and cooking a dinner every evening and cleaning up after that takes an hour or more etc.

Sorry.

My bad. Just need to align my dynamics.

@Chiseltip I hope you aren't laughing at the serious subject of the need for women to show up emotionally for the invisible aligned dynamics of a non-gendered split involving emotional check -ins ! It's crucial we all follow this approach. No giggles allowed!

When I worked FT and was on site every day, the laundry still didn't take the whole weekend, not did the cleaning.

It doesn't take "hours and hours" when both of you do five or ten minutes here or there. The laundry can be put in the machine in 5 minutes, and most have a delay function so you could put it in before bed and hang it in the morning before work.

I am not the only one saying you're being excessive with how long you think a small house takes to keep clean to a decent standard.

It’s clear reading through the thread that this is a generation of women hoodwinked by the concept of feminism and fake equality - I only hope our daughters aren’t as stupid

For what it’s worth OP I understand where you’re coming from and pp seem unable to understand that not everyone wants to be held to a financial equality model when lots of other aspects of a relationship aren’t or can’t be equally shared out - bearing children, caregiving - either wholly or disproportionately fall to women. I don’t see men falling over themselves to pick up an equal share of caregiving the way some women fall over themselves to make sure they are 50/50 with money.

Those with their completely fair and equitable relationships where everyone is doing an equal amount, great but that’s not borne out in the majority of relationships, in this country or anywhere else.

Those who don’t understand what emotional labour and cognitive burdens are in a relationship, it’s not difficult to find out what OP means:

www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210518-the-hidden-load-how-thinking-of-everything-holds-mums-back

😂

I just don't see the need for show home level, homes can still be lovely and clean without show home level. I'm good with that.

I am show home level. Everyone has better things to do with their time, cleaning isn't exactly a blast. I don't think working the equivalent to a PT job to keep my home lovely is a bum deal all things considered.

So you clean as you go along like most people do when it comes to after dinner mess etc. Basically the things that can't be left. Therefore, you are spending hours cleaning when you add it up, you're just doing breaking it up and doing a bit each day in the same way that I do, just on a larger scale.

Many people still have to invest hours at the weekend because they don't get the time to do the laundry for example whilst they are at work during the week.

'It sounds like you either aren't very efficient or won't let anything be less than immaculate at all times. Which is quite a sad way to live.' As previously explained I have a large house and gardens so it does take time to keep on top of it all. I wouldn't say doing PT cleaning in my own home, having every weekend and evening free and time to do what I want during the week a 'sad way to live.'

When I was working FT and had to catch up with the domestic chores in my 'free' time it was rather depressing though.

Potentially, if they are on a cocktail of speed and cocaine.

I don't exactly get off on cleaning either but I do enjoy sitting down in a clean home.

'i can’t see how it could take an hour to clean one bathroom.' Quite easily if done thoroughly. Bleach down all the plugholes, bleach around the shower sealant, descaler on the shower screens then washed off with a window cleaner, cleaning the toilet inside and out, cleaning the bin and changing the bag, cleaning the sink including pedestal, polishing taps, dusting the radiator, washing towels and putting fresh ones in, cleaning the bath inside and out, descale the shower head, clean the windows, hoovering then floor wiping the floor, polishing mirrors.

Of course they don't. Nobody wishes they'd worked more whilst lying on their deathbed either.

My standards aren’t low but they aren’t show home either. It definitely doesn’t take hours and hours, I have better things to do with my time and need to be efficient.

I have a small 2 bed with a small bathroom.

Bathroom takes 30 mins to clean, because we do things like wipe down the bath/shower door when we're getting out of them. Every few days we'll give the toilet a wipe round and throw some bleach down it.

The kitchen, we wipe round after washing up the dinner pots. So the "big" clean takes 30 mins as well, because there's not much "muck" getting anywhere.

Because it's a small bungalow, we can vacuum the whole thing from one plug in the hall and if it's done regularly a quick vac takes 5 minutes. A big vac takes maybe 20 for the whole house and DH tends to do that weekly.

It doesn't take hours and hours when you are efficient and clean as you're going. It sounds like you either aren't very efficient or won't let anything be less than immaculate at all times. Which is quite a sad way to live.

What on earth are you doing, scrubbing the skirting boards and grouting with a toothbrush? I have a small one bed flat and it takes less than an hour to clean the entire flat.

Maybe they just clean more energetically or efficiently than you?

I don't see how people can possibly keep a clean home if they aren't cleaning it for hours and hours regardless of size unless they have low standards

Or maybe they are just more efficient?

When we lived in the uk we had a large house - 5 bedrooms, multiple bathrooms etc. I had no wish, working or not, to spend my time cleaning. Hence outsourcing it.

i can’t see how it could take an hour to clean one bathroom

Bit extreme. No one wishes they’d cleaned more when they’re lying on their deathbed.

I don't see how people can possibly keep a clean home if they aren't cleaning it for hours and hours regardless of size unless they have low standards.

Properly cleaning a regular sized bathroom takes an hour alone. My first house at 23, when I was working FT was a 2 bed with one bathroom, it still took hours a week to clean.

Which is possible without cleaning for hours and hours, especially if you don’t live in a giant house.