Page 3 | Upset at comment DH made when TTC

GemJ2025 · 2025-04-19T10:23:00+00:00

DH and I are currently TTC and I don’t feel he is taking it seriously. I am ovulating currently and we’d agreed last night in bed we’d do the deed this morning. DH couldn’t ‘maintain’ for want of a better term, so said ‘I’m going to the gym, after seeing a few scrunch bums I’ll be in the mood when I’m back’ and shot up and got ready to go out. He isn’t back yet, for those who don’t know ‘scrunch bum’ is a type of tight gym legging. He has made jokes about women at the gym before and knows I don’t like it and it feels even more this time when TTC Am I being sensitive or would you be upset too?

whitewineandsun · 19/04/2025 19:00

consistentlyinconsistent · 19/04/2025 18:37

It's quite weird to post the sort of thing you did and then end up saying 'well all men say crass things!'.... and that he can financially support you so it's okay. If this is what you think then just crack on. He's showing you who he is, you've seen it and now choosing to deflect on 'men at the pub'.

Yes, why post how upset you are and then minimise the situation? If you want to accept that basically he wasn't into you but wanted to look at women in the gym and then come home and shag you, and told you, guess that's your choice. Just think about who you are choosing as your baby's other parent - because a baby doesn't have a choice.

Original poster

GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 18:56

Snapncrackle · 19/04/2025 18:38

Well he’s told you that he likes fit young gym type women with tight bum scrunch leggings

if that’s his preference fine but he is a massive idiot and thick as shit to have told you that while attempting to have sex 😂

when your feeling fat tired and hormonal with a tiny week old baby - remember he’s told you what he really likes and fancy’s in a woman - what he said won’t ever leave you
jt will fester and ruin your self confidence

Cos that’s the type of women he is thinking of when your having sex with each other

how do you honestly feel knowing that when he’s is at the gym he’s looking at and thinking about fucking the bum scrunch women and probably wanks about them as well

He gross but not that much different from a fair amount of men - just that he’s thick enough to actually tell you

Strange post…of course he thinks about other women when pleasuring himself. I don’t think only of him either!

OP posts:

Bumblebeestiltskin · 19/04/2025 18:42

GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 18:07

I don’t think so, he is quite crass with some of his language around sex, but I’ve found that to be a general man thing.

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A general SHITTY man thing, not a general man thing.

Snapncrackle · 19/04/2025 18:38

Well he’s told you that he likes fit young gym type women with tight bum scrunch leggings

if that’s his preference fine but he is a massive idiot and thick as shit to have told you that while attempting to have sex 😂

when your feeling fat tired and hormonal with a tiny week old baby - remember he’s told you what he really likes and fancy’s in a woman - what he said won’t ever leave you
jt will fester and ruin your self confidence

Cos that’s the type of women he is thinking of when your having sex with each other

how do you honestly feel knowing that when he’s is at the gym he’s looking at and thinking about fucking the bum scrunch women and probably wanks about them as well

He gross but not that much different from a fair amount of men - just that he’s thick enough to actually tell you

consistentlyinconsistent · 19/04/2025 18:37

It's quite weird to post the sort of thing you did and then end up saying 'well all men say crass things!'.... and that he can financially support you so it's okay. If this is what you think then just crack on. He's showing you who he is, you've seen it and now choosing to deflect on 'men at the pub'.

PineappleChicken · 19/04/2025 18:36

I await the thread in a years time where OP is upset because he does no parenting and makes ‘jokes’ about her post partum body, comparing it to the fit birds down the gym.

Choose the father of your children more wisely!

QueefQueen80s · 19/04/2025 18:34

EmeraldShamrock000 · 19/04/2025 18:30

Of course not, but as someone who grew up without it I don’t take it for granted
Doesn't sound like it is your money to take for granted, if you're planning on his support while you're a SAHM.
What a pair.

It’s family money isn’t it?

QueefQueen80s · 19/04/2025 18:33

GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 18:26

I worked behind the bar in a village pub for many years - believe me, the way the husbands spoke would shock you, and there wives would have said exactly what you have above.

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That’s drinking men at a pub.. of course most are gonna be crass. Doesn’t mean most men are.

You seem hellbent on making excuses for him

EmeraldShamrock000 · 19/04/2025 18:30

Of course not, but as someone who grew up without it I don’t take it for granted
Doesn't sound like it is your money to take for granted, if you're planning on his support while you're a SAHM.
What a pair.

TheHerboriste · 19/04/2025 18:29

GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 18:26

I worked behind the bar in a village pub for many years - believe me, the way the husbands spoke would shock you, and there wives would have said exactly what you have above.

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I wouldn’t use drunk guys at pub as a baseline for tolerable behaviour and attitudes in a partner.

When he describes the effects of childbirth on your private parts to all and sundry, will that be OK too? Because he will.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 19/04/2025 18:28

GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 18:24

Of course not, but as someone who grew up without it I don’t take it for granted

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Yet you’re using it to offset, or justify, your DH’s terrible behaviour.

DefinitelyMaybe92 · 19/04/2025 18:28

GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 18:26

I worked behind the bar in a village pub for many years - believe me, the way the husbands spoke would shock you, and there wives would have said exactly what you have above.

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I, too, worked in a bar when I was much younger. I’m fully aware of the type you mean. I still don’t surround myself with men like that - I can see them coming a mile off. They think they’re covert; they’re not. Been there, done that. Still, as I say, good luck with it!! I just don’t understand why women come on asking for validation that their husbands are being awful and then get upset when people say yes, your husband is being awful.

Original poster

GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 18:26

DefinitelyMaybe92 · 19/04/2025 18:21

Right, well I don’t think it is a “general man thing” to be honest. It’s disrespectful and I, personally, don’t know any men that would do this to their wives. You did say you were upset about it, right? At the end of the day, it’s up to you whether or not you stay with him for the money, familiarity, or what-have-you, but he doesn’t sound like a good guy based on what you’ve said here. Good luck with it!

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I worked behind the bar in a village pub for many years - believe me, the way the husbands spoke would shock you, and there wives would have said exactly what you have above.

OP posts:

LittleGreenDragons · 19/04/2025 18:25

GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 18:07

I don’t think so, he is quite crass with some of his language around sex, but I’ve found that to be a general man thing.

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No it really isn't. It is dismissive, disrespectful, belittling and reducing women to be nothing more than sex aids.

Do you value yourself so little?

Edit - you still haven't said how you will feel next time you have sex. Will he be picturing those women from the gym, or from TV, or the neighbour? Because he sure as he'll isn't turned on by you. He's explicitly told you this.

QueefQueen80s · 19/04/2025 18:25

GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 18:07

I don’t think so, he is quite crass with some of his language around sex, but I’ve found that to be a general man thing.

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Nah just the dog like ones.

Wakemeupbe4yougogo · 19/04/2025 18:25

Imagine having a son and this man being their role model... seriously OP you need to consider what on earth you're doing with this man let alone having children with him.

Original poster

GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 18:24

MemorableTrenchcoat · 19/04/2025 18:10

So money is more important than having a good role model as a parent?

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Of course not, but as someone who grew up without it I don’t take it for granted

OP posts:

DefinitelyMaybe92 · 19/04/2025 18:21

GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 18:07

I don’t think so, he is quite crass with some of his language around sex, but I’ve found that to be a general man thing.

Show quote history

Right, well I don’t think it is a “general man thing” to be honest. It’s disrespectful and I, personally, don’t know any men that would do this to their wives. You did say you were upset about it, right? At the end of the day, it’s up to you whether or not you stay with him for the money, familiarity, or what-have-you, but he doesn’t sound like a good guy based on what you’ve said here. Good luck with it!

MemorableTrenchcoat · 19/04/2025 18:10

GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 18:08

He is usually a brilliant support emotionally and caring. He has a great work ethic, good job and would look after us (as a family) financially to allow me to concentrate on being a Mum.

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So money is more important than having a good role model as a parent?

Original poster

GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 18:08

batsandeggs · 19/04/2025 16:43

What exactly are his redeeming qualities that makes you want to have kid with him? This is what you want him teaching your potential son? This is the kind of objectivity he’d be ok with his potential daughter receiving? Grim.

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He is usually a brilliant support emotionally and caring. He has a great work ethic, good job and would look after us (as a family) financially to allow me to concentrate on being a Mum.

OP posts:

Original poster

GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 18:07

DefinitelyMaybe92 · 19/04/2025 16:00

Any signs that he could possibly have a porn addiction? The objectifying comments he’s made alongside the… difficulty… he has sometimes could point to this?

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I don’t think so, he is quite crass with some of his language around sex, but I’ve found that to be a general man thing.

OP posts:

Redpeach · 19/04/2025 17:02

Scrunch bum leggings are horrible n all

TheHerboriste · 19/04/2025 16:58

ZenNudist · 19/04/2025 16:38

I couldn't be with a man who openly ogles young women. It's up to you as I know you must love him but honestly there are better men out there. None of my friends ' husbands, male family members or my own DH say this kind of thing, especially not to their own wives. I expect its normal to comment to other men but its a but worrying that he'd say this kind of thing directly to you. Yanbu to be upset.

Agree. Bin and raise your standards, OP.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 19/04/2025 16:52

Perhaps he feels under pressure to DTD at the best time to conceive? There’s no defence for the nasty comment though.
Maybe don’t tell him when you’re ovulating?
Just make your moves at the right time
30 years ago now, I took the scientific approach by charting my temperature every day and didn’t tell him.
Im incredibly lucky, I know but I conceived all my 3 in the first month

batsandeggs · 19/04/2025 16:43

GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 14:37

He has made comments about women at the gym before and he knows I don’t find it funny. As recently as last month, we drove past someone and my DH announced ‘she goes to my gym, best arse in name of town we live in’ and she looked in her early 20’s. DH is mid 30’s.

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What exactly are his redeeming qualities that makes you want to have kid with him? This is what you want him teaching your potential son? This is the kind of objectivity he’d be ok with his potential daughter receiving? Grim.