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Original poster

How to handle child swearing for attention

82 replies

cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 10:57

My 7 year old daughter has been swearing a lot over the last week or so, normal loss of privilege has not had any affect.
she is currently swearing repeatedly while chatting to her sister and I’m just ignoring her so not to reward her with the attention she is trying to get, she’s not angry she’s just smugly swearing more and more for a reaction and now almost every other word is fucking or fuck even to the point she’s singing it to get me to react.
I have taken her Nintendo and began extending the days she lost it but she’s not phased.
She is swearing louder and louder and seems very confused at my lack of reaction, I am calmly thinking of a consequence to give but I’m looking for suggestions.

OP posts:
100PercentFaithful · 19/04/2025 12:31

cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:06

Sending her to her room is impossible unless there was a lock on the door, she’d firstly refuse point blank to go and if I dragged her up there she would follow me back down every time.

Take her back each time. You are the adult.

homeedmam · 19/04/2025 12:31

cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:17

She’s so good at school but she does struggle she’s like a shaken coke bottle when she gets home because she tries so hard at school.
She just gets so much pleasure from being deliberately rude and unkind to everyone.

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She is getting something from the behaviour but I doubt it is pleasure.

homeedmam · 19/04/2025 12:30

RedToothBrush · 19/04/2025 12:14

Stop treating her like a friend.

You are her mother.

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All those things are totally normal mother behaviours.

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/04/2025 12:28

Does her dad live with you?

Can you tag team? I’d be taking her sister to the park whilst the other stays at home and takes her to her room every single time she does it.

WinterBones · 19/04/2025 12:24

RedToothBrush · 19/04/2025 12:14

Stop treating her like a friend.

You are her mother.

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What about any of that makes you think she isn't?

Do you not do crafts, cooking..etc or make conversations with your children?

My DD knows i'm her mother, but i am also her friend and she can be safe talking to me about anything and everything she is doing/going through/experiencing.

Children learn emotional intelligence through modelled behaviour and appropriate conversations about feelings/emotions.

DrummingMousWife · 19/04/2025 12:23

It would be off to her room if she was one of mine. At 7 she would be carried if she didn’t go, and then she would be returned there every single time she left and continued to swear. You’ll have siblings doing it too if this keeps on.
it will be a tough day, but better now than having an out of control child.

RedToothBrush · 19/04/2025 12:14

cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:22

I ask her why she does it and she just smiles and says she doesn’t. I know it’s for attention but I do so much with her, she has time just us and we cook together and read and do crafts, play games and we are very open to conversations about things and most of the time she will talk to me about anything and everything.

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Stop treating her like a friend.

You are her mother.

4forksache · 19/04/2025 12:10

I would just comment in a bored tone “really, again? How silly you sound!” Do this for a while to see if it works.

Then if it continues, again in an unbothered tone “You do realise that you can’t carry on doing this. I don’t want to give you consequences, but if you carry on, I’ll have to. So x will happen if you continue. Your choice” Ask her how she thinks she’ll feel if x actually happens, to work through her denial of things

With an nt child then I would just stick to my guns. But if nd is suspected, and from what you say I suspect there is something going on, then I would give the chance to earn it back.

Going forward during a calm moment i’d introduce perhaps a positive reward chart or stick marbles in a jar for good behaviour.
empathise that you know she finds certain things difficult. Ask her what she can do when she’s feeling frustrated or upset. - Talk to you, Draw how she’s feeling or even punch a pillow. Help her with coping strategies. You may need to do some reading up for more tips on helping an explosive child.

Don't continue to ignore signs of nd. Treat her as if she is and even if this isn’t the case, new strategies will help, as clearly you can’t continue the way you are at the moment. If you can’t control her behaviour at 7, you have no chance at 14.

londongirl12 · 19/04/2025 12:02

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 19/04/2025 11:09

Then take her back, wordlessly and without looking at her, every time. Eventually she'll realise you're serious.

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Exactly this. Yes you might have an hour of pain, but it’ll be worth it as she’ll learn you mean it.

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 19/04/2025 11:58

cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:06

Sending her to her room is impossible unless there was a lock on the door, she’d firstly refuse point blank to go and if I dragged her up there she would follow me back down every time.

Can she why she doesn't care about swearing to yo then. She needs to know that she can't do as she pleases however much effort it takes from you

NeverReadUlysses · 19/04/2025 11:58

There is a good book called When My Feelings Get Too Big - you could talk with her about how she can let you know she’s not feeling OK. Without mentioning the undesirable behaviour (swearing).

Madthings · 19/04/2025 11:55

cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:42

She’s stopped swearing now while she’s helped me make lunch and sitting quietly eating it, I’ve praised her great sandwich making but would you say well done for stopping swearing or leave it as she’s probably just forgotten as she’s got lunch on her mind?

No I wouldn't mention it. I might at some point maybe on a drive so it's not too demanding say, it feels like you are having some tricky big feelings at the moment. See if you can find out what is overwhelming her. Her behaviour is showing how she is not ok.

Sounds like teacher understands coke bottle effect so ask if they know about masking. Bucket theory and overwhelm.

How to handle child swearing for attention
How to handle child swearing for attention
How to handle child swearing for attention
SharpOpalNewt · 19/04/2025 11:54

I'd ignore it and give her positive attention for using better words instead.

NeverReadUlysses · 19/04/2025 11:54

cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:42

She’s stopped swearing now while she’s helped me make lunch and sitting quietly eating it, I’ve praised her great sandwich making but would you say well done for stopping swearing or leave it as she’s probably just forgotten as she’s got lunch on her mind?

Don’t mention the swearing. Just model normal conversations and ignore the swearing. It does sound as if she might be ND and it’s either an outlet or a way of getting a reaction. If you ignore it, you cut off the dopamine. It would be different if she was swearing like a sailor at school. If she does it in a public place, leave immediately and take her home.

Madthings · 19/04/2025 11:52

Superfoodie123 · 19/04/2025 11:38

Where is she learning the swear words at 7 years old. My daughter is the same age and only knows 'stupid' and a couple others. She never says them. Are these words frequently spoken at home. I used to swear a lot as a child and learnt it from my parents arguing

My child learnt it all at school in year 2 so age 7. His PDA profile mesng it quickly became a shock tactic to reduce demand.

I would ignore, model appropriate ways of what it is she is trying to communicate.

Fluffyholeysocks · 19/04/2025 11:50

Stay calm and ignore, then over the dinner table say you'll be coming into school after the holiday to speak to her favourite teacher as you've noticed she has picked up some bad language and you can't think where she has picked it up from.

Original poster
cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:49

Superfoodie123 · 19/04/2025 11:38

Where is she learning the swear words at 7 years old. My daughter is the same age and only knows 'stupid' and a couple others. She never says them. Are these words frequently spoken at home. I used to swear a lot as a child and learnt it from my parents arguing

Not by me, very rarely her dad will swear but never at the children.

OP posts:
Original poster
cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:48

WinterBones · 19/04/2025 11:44

lunch? at this time? it's still morning. (not the point i know xD)

She’s been up since 6

OP posts:
Original poster
cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:45

WinterBones · 19/04/2025 11:41

Do you give her the option to earn it back?

That sometimes worked with DD.. once i'd given a consequence like '2hr ban on your tablet' i'd give it 15 mins then say "If you'd like it back, can you do X for me?" or in your case "If you can go until X time without swearing, you can have one egg back'.

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I may try that, as it stands she stays in denial so if I say you’re not having or doing something she initially just replies yes I am and then persists and persists until she realises she’s not winning and then she breaks down in tears and is devastated.
It doesn’t effect future behaviour though so there’s no lesson learnt.

OP posts:
WinterBones · 19/04/2025 11:44

lunch? at this time? it's still morning. (not the point i know xD)

Original poster
cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:42

She’s stopped swearing now while she’s helped me make lunch and sitting quietly eating it, I’ve praised her great sandwich making but would you say well done for stopping swearing or leave it as she’s probably just forgotten as she’s got lunch on her mind?

OP posts:
WinterBones · 19/04/2025 11:41

cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:38

This is what happens, I run out of privileges to remove because I’ve removed everything and extended it until she doesn’t care anymore.

Show quote history

Do you give her the option to earn it back?

That sometimes worked with DD.. once i'd given a consequence like '2hr ban on your tablet' i'd give it 15 mins then say "If you'd like it back, can you do X for me?" or in your case "If you can go until X time without swearing, you can have one egg back'.

Stripeyanddotty · 19/04/2025 11:40

Do you think there could be some ND issues?

Superfoodie123 · 19/04/2025 11:38

Where is she learning the swear words at 7 years old. My daughter is the same age and only knows 'stupid' and a couple others. She never says them. Are these words frequently spoken at home. I used to swear a lot as a child and learnt it from my parents arguing

Original poster
cloudywithstars · 19/04/2025 11:38

WinterBones · 19/04/2025 11:12

At the moment, you've taken her easter eggs, and you've taken her nintendo, now you're talking about taking he freedom. over swearing?

Come on.

What reason does she have to stop now? it couldn't get any worse for her.

This is what happens, I run out of privileges to remove because I’ve removed everything and extended it until she doesn’t care anymore.

OP posts: