How to handle child swearing for attention

🙄 swearing/unwanted behaviour for attention is a perfectly normal phase nothing to do with neurodivergent children

So you take her back up every time.

Oh fgs, some kids are just naughty. Not everything needs a diagnosis. Op knows her child better than you and she says she isn’t anxious at all.

I like this. Utterly horrid speaking like that. Give her a massive telling off. She’s 7yo and fully capable of knowing this is unacceptable. Sending her to her room is wet parenting, so is ignoring it. If she was 3/4 then ignoring would be the way to go.
I would really judge you if I heard your 7yo speak so vulgar language.

What you are describing is how anxiety can present. I think do some research into ND and non typical presentations esp for girls. She sounds a bit hyper with constantly talking as an adhd female that is how I presented as a child. She may well be trying to connect even though it seems like she is being defiant.

Look at PACE.

Ross Greens books and plan b methods.

Get curious

What do you mean by she seems to enjoy it or get a thrill from being defiant? What are you interpreting from her beheviour to suggest this. Often when children behave this way they are actuslly incredibly anxious. And given you are des ribjng what sounds like a perfect child at school who explodes at home, that suggests masking and anxiety

It also could well be verbal stim or tic. Especially as its come on suddenly and age sats she doesn't know why she does it and punishment is not working.

I would put a lock on the door if necessary

My late mother once said to my niece (her granddaughter) who was exhibiting similar behaviour whilst my sister (girl's mum) was unable to handle it. She said to girl: "You know darling, I don't like you very much at the moment. I love you, and always will, but I don't like you when you do this. And neither will anyone else." This was said in a calm, quiet way, with a very serious face. We were all horrified and appalled that she would speak to a child like that. But it was like a cup of cold water to the face, my niece was so taken aback that Granny could speak to her like that. Niece grew into a lovely you g woman. But I still wonder about it.

fuckfetti.. properly made me LOL, best phrase of the day!

Yes this worked really well on one of my children. It was outlined in a book I bought (happier calm parenting or something like that) ‘descriptive praise’. Worked like magic for him when everything else had failed.

it’s not always the solution and doesn’t work on my other child. But when it works it works REALLY well.

My daughter discovered the F word at roughly the same age (though never said it out loud - she put it in her schoolbook!!) I said as she loved it so much, she could cover a sheet of A4 paper with it, normal size (like doing lines). I made her sit until she’d written it out a couple of hundred times and was sick of the sight of it. Then I made her rip it up and put it in the bin*. She soon didn’t find it so thrilling anymore.

*on bin day all the fuckfetti blew all the way down the road.

Sounds like a verbal stim or a form of tourettes. I'd be seeking medical advice or additional support

That I don't know - could be attention, compulsive behaviour, a way of trying to manage overwhelming emotions, because she feels bad about herself.

If she is ND then all the advice about just increasing pressure and punishment isn't going to work.

Could it be a verbal stim. My asd DS does this as a way of controlling his emotions.

Some kids enjoy the thrill of being naughty, and swearing is a great way to be naughty, as well as being cool, in their eyes at least, as it's edgy and teenagery. She doesn't want to be labelled the bad girl in school, so she keeps it for home, as she doesn't care if you think she's behaving badly.

A PP suggested that you tell her you're going to talk to her favourite teacher about it - I think this is a great idea, she obviously cares what her teachers think.

You do need to tackle this, to reset your relationship with need to tell her, ignoring her doesn't mean she won't still swear with her sibling, and she might start to use bad language with her friends to impress them. Their parents may find it harder to ignore.

You need to sort some way of discipling her - punishments/rewards - there's loads of good stuff online.

She's only 7, so I'm sure you csn turn this around with different parenting style.

You have a much bigger problem than just the swearing then. If at 7 you have no control over her you need to start asserting yourself, she doesn’t appear to have much respect for boundaries, I think you need to start taking charge.

Does she repeat other words to herself at other times?

I would maybe remove siblings to colour out of earshot of the swearing.

But it really sounds like there is something more going on here. The traditional strategies are clearly not working. There is more to her behaviour than needing boundaries as posters are suggesting.

Really think you need some further support to look at bigger picture.

You really need to separate her from her sister.

It's the sitting down and having a conversation as if she's an equal rather than the activities. It's the combination of that and the 'i can't take her to her room and leave her' that screams there's a problem.

If punishment isn’t working it might be time for a new approach. Take her aside quietly and with kind curiosity ask her why she’s doing it. What’s the root of this behaviour, why is she so desperate for attention even if it’s negative? Tell her you can see she’s crying out for attention and ask why that is. She may not tell you immediately. Let her know you won’t be responding to swearing, but you’re there when she’s ready to talk about what’s really going on. Then carry on not even acknowledging the swearing.

You can also let her know that if you can’t trust her to be polite in company, you can’t risk taking her out or having people over. And stick to that boundary. It won’t have immediate effect but she will get bored.

I would also be investigating where she’s hearing this language - who has been swearing in front of her and is it a situation where you need to intervene?