Tired of being the only one

You’ve got lucky, as he’s shown you who he is BEFORE you get pregnant. Do you want this man as a father to your future children? Dont they deserve better?!

I hope you will listen to the choir of wise women here @Burritowrap . Your unborn child merits a good father and nothing you've said so far indicates that he will be one.

I voted YABU because you may want to get pregnant, but he very obviously doesn't.
I know the responses here are probably a lot to take in, but honestly you've loads of time!! Dump this man-child and find a man worthy of you and your future DC 💐

This is complete nonsense. The universe doesn’t decide this man isn’t ideal so she won’t get pregnant. What hocus pocus nonsense. If that were the case there would be no unwanted pregnancies, no children born from rape.

this man is not the right man to have a child with - he clearly doesn’t want to be a father. The most likely outcome here is OP get pregnant, he leaves and she spends the rest of the life managing her child’s disappointment about their useless, absent father.

I get it youre 30 and hear your Bio clock ticking.However you have plenty of time left to find someone more suitable .14 years is a fair old gap ,and there s the issue of drinking and smoking weed as well .It sounds like hes not in the same page as you.You are into healthy living ,my friend met someone at the gym! Look elsewhere and tell him why .

You're 30 OP? You have time to find someone else. Don't settle for this one.

Someone 14 years older who’s still going on two weeks “lads holidays” and smoking weed? & btw on the lads holiday weed will have been the least of what he’s been consuming.

You said age is not on your side but especially his…so I’m guessing he’s 40s? I just couldn’t find someone this immature at that age attractive. Not parent material.

Just seen he’s 14 years older than you.. Dump him.m and find someone who is ready to settle down for real.

Run for the hills

Ugh, why are you ttc with this tosser? Don’t saddle an offspring with such a mediocre specimen as its father!

My partner always has a stag do or football weekend in the pipeline. They aren’t necessarily a bad thing. We stay in contact and he has fun with his friends for 3 days.

However smoking weed at 44 and how they are as a person while away makes a big difference.

Sounds like you should be relieved not disappointed that you've not yet got pregnant.

Plus with you not being married, it would have been too easy for him to walk away from his responsibilities when the realities of being a parent of a newborn became apparent.

He doesn’t want a child, if he did he’d be taking it seriously.

Are you sure you’ve had the proper conversation about children?

Just because he’s not wearing a condom, doesn’t mean he actively wants children.

I’m worried that if you do get pregnant he will not be supportive of you and will blame you not being on the pill.

I wouldn’t want a child at his age, especially if he has older kids.

Stop TTC and figure out what you want from life.

Is it to spend the rest of your life with this man or having kids because I’m not sure you can have both, especially not whilst being happy.

He’s showing you who he is, OP. You want a child, he’s not bothered. He’s certainly not behind the project in the way you are, and is unlikely to be a good fellow-parent. I don’t think sleep-walking into having a child with him is a good idea, and you know yourself that the ‘serious conversation’ isn’t going going to produce the result you want. He’ll just say he’s not bothered.

Nailed it, sorry. If you want a kid go find someone who actually could be a good parent with you.

If he can’t be bothered to put the effort in with the ‘fun‘ bit then what do you think he’ll be like at 3am and the baby is crying, or doing the housework etc?

is he great in other ways? If not then I’d say get out quick and find someone your age to have kids with

Why on earth would you have a child with a 44 year old stoner? I get so tired of women setting the bar so low for men/fathers. Please think of your future childs needs.

OP, you feel alone because you are alone. This guy is not bothered about having a child or being a family unit. The fact that he is still taking drugs despite all your efforts to be healthy shows the level of respect he has for the relationship (very little).

He is not and will not become a good partner. He will not be a good father. Do not choose to subject a child to this waste of space, please.

If this is his behaviour now, what makes you think he is magically going to turn into father of the year? Clue: he isn’t. This man is totally selfish, and I strongly suggest you ditch him. Please don’t have a child with a weed smoking, selfish man, so unfair on you and the poor child..

Jeez, leave him and start again with someone who would actually have half a chance of being a decent role model. Do you want him smoking weed around a baby?
You’ll be a single parent as soon as you give birth if you do actually conceive. Is this the plan?
You’re 30. You have plenty of time to find someone and build a healthy environment to bring a child into. This isn’t it.

First post nailed it !
there’s an adage … “when somebody shows you who they are , believe them the first time “…

You haven't been together very long and he smokes weed....do you really want a baby with this man?