Tired of being the only one

Hes very kind, considerate and fun.

lol these are NOT useful traits for someone to have a kid with

hardworking
does all the housework / cooking
caring
has lots of initiative

yes - kind, considerate and fun - he’s not putting himself out for you is he?

have one last chance convo then see what happens but you’d be better off having a child by yourself than with a useless man.

This.

OP, please raise your bar out of the gutter and find someone else to have a baby with.

I’ve got a couple of male friends like this. Charismatic, funny, clever, would do anything for a friend. But would I inflict either of them as a romantic partner on a woman who wants a baby? Nah.

At 30, you have time but not masses of it. Find someone else. Don’t sleepwalk to age 35 with this guy.

You both need to be t- total and completely free of smoke and drugs for a doctor to even book an appointment

lack of effort on his part tells you everything you need to know

What a catch. I'm surprised another woman didn't lock him down before you, OP.

Getting pregnant is a journey not a destination. How will this man parent with you? he is 44yrs old, no kids but wants them, is drinking, smoking, going on 2 week lads hols and smoking weed. Of all the men on the planet, this is the father you choose for your DC?

Responsible parenthood starts with the very careful selection of the other parent.

To be honest have you really, really had a serious conversation about becoming parents? It all sounds a bit casual - you say you aren't 'actively trying' but then you are eating and drinking sensibly, exercising and 'preparing yourself for conception'. You say you both know 'you' want a child. He on the other hand is carrying on drinking, vaping, having lads holidays and generally acting like a single bloke.
Parenthood is really hard - I don't think you can just 'hope for the best'. You need to have a serious conversation to see if he wants to be a parent as much as you.

You’re only 30. Go and find a man who’ll be a good father. Thank your lucky stars you’re not pregnant and run!

Does a 44 year old man who goes on 2 week! ‘lads’ holidays and takes drugs, sound like a man ready for parenthood??

Sure partners don’t have to stay in each others pockets even with kids they can have holidays/short breaks but imagine being left with a couple of small kids while he goes off to drink/smoke/get high for two weeks?

Urgh no thanks.

You can do better than this, and your future children deserve better.

He doesn't want to be a father.
He doesn't even want to have a fully committed relationship.
He uses drugs.
He drinks.
He's refusing fertility investigations.

If he doesn't already have children, there's a high probability that he's infertile and running down your clock so that you're there to do all the work whilst he sits on his arse all day looking at an attractive younger woman.

Honestly if he isn’t willing to help before the baby is even conceived ( fun part) what makes you think he will change when the going is tough with a screaming newborn ( seriously tough part) . Sounds like you want a baby and it’s a bit like meh he will do….

But think like a mother … is this the male role model you want for your child?

'my partner is 14 years older than me, and he still drinks, vapes, and occasionally smokes weed.'

He is not good father material.

Don't have a child with him .

You've stuck with him for a year and a half in spite of knowing what a loser he is.

I don't suppose anything is going to change now, but it's beyond my comprehension why you'd want him to be the father your child.

So you’ve been together less than 2 years, he’s old enough to be your dad but acts like he’s in his 20s, and he smokes drugs. You don’t feel like he’s taking TTC seriously, when you aren’t even ‘technically’ trying. The pair of you need to grow up. The only good thing here is that he isn’t taking TTC seriously and you aren’t pregnant yet. Reevaluate your life, fine someone closer to your own age that’s an adult and doesn’t smoke weed and try again in a few years.

This guy is old garbage. Why on earth subject a poor baby to someone like this as a father? You’re so young. Find someone decent, worthy and…clean.

You’ll be on your own the moment that baby arrives as well. He smokes weed? Vapes? Etc he’s not even remotely ready to be a good parent.

At 44, the growing-up boat has long set sail without him.

There are plenty of good, mature men who'll make good fathers out there. Don't settle for this one.

44 and he’s behaving like that?!

Leave and find someone who’s not an eternal manchild

But I know I’ll probably be met with “if it happens, it happens” or “I’m not ready anyway.”

Why are you trying to get pregnant with a man who does not want to have kids with you.

You’ve only been together 18 months and it’s already like this.

This guy is acting like he’s still single. Two week boys trip indeed. I would advise very strongly against having children with him. Apart from anything else his sperm are unlikely to be in tiptop condition.

You’re wasting your fertile years . The problem doesn’t seem like it’s you …

YOU can do anything you want too , get your stars to align all you want but sadly you need him to do his part too otherwise you may never have a baby . You may look back and have regrets .. depends what you will regret more tho leaving a “playboy” who is only interested in his fun times smoking drugs and drinking

or you never having had kids . The years pass so quickly …

You need to read up on the research about how the health of the father affects sperm and is often the cause of miscarriages, because maybe he’s happy to have sex without a condom, but it looks like he’s actively avoiding creating a viable pregnancy.

At 44 living that lifestyle and you think he wants to be a father!?