DH sees MIL every day

You say it's annoying as you both don't want her influencing your child's values. It seems you were OK with her values when she was visiting 3 times a week but now it's a problem as your worried your child is closer to your mil than your mum?
Your partner doesn't want her influence either over your child but willingly sees her almost daily, speaks to her frequently and thinks you are being horrible? Something doesn't add up here

You might feel differently if your MIL was racist and homophobic and pulled a face if you came home early from work when your MIL was in your home and she pulled a face and asked why you came home so early.

So OP needs to put up with her racist and homophobic MIL coming round every day and even making OP feel uncomfortable in her own home because her MIL pulls a face when OP comes home from work early because her MIL might die soon?

Everyone dies at some point but it doesn't mean you just put up with awful behaviour? It's emotional blackmail and guilt tripping which is normally part of the playbook from people like OP's MIL.

I used to see my Mum every day even it was just to pop in for 15 minutes. I made the most of our time as I knew it wouldn't be forever. She died aged 62. Wish I could visit her every day now, miss her so much.

Apparently it has if he is in tears from the pressure.

This is an excellent point. My in laws live 90 mins away so we don't have the daily visit issue, but they have invited themselves to stay for 4 successive long weekends. We're on weekend number 4, and I'm at the end of my tether. But I have a son (age 10), so I'll try to remember this. Thank you!

Woah, if she is pulling her face about you being in your own home when she's there it would be gloves off for me and I'd start letting her know how annoying she is being so needy and in your home so often. What the hell is wrong with women like her?!

I think your DH is very wrong enabling MIL behaviour. It’s the same as with children - he is basically holding her attached to your household and doesn’t give her a chance to form her own support system and find new life beyond your family, it’s like with children you need to be a bit cruel to encourage their independence - unfortunately it’s the same with parents sometimes. Your MIL is working and in good health she deserves a chance to build her own life, have her own fun, finding friends and doing hobbies.

By the way I don’t see how he is managing to visit her nearly every day. Neither DH nor wouldn’t be able to. We won’t find so much time basically! As to visiting you often, it’s the same - she is cutting into your family time where you should be focused on each other. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying he should cut contact with her but seeing Mum just because he is feeling guilty otherwise sounds very unhealthy.

DH sees his parents most days if he’s not away for work. It’s never occurred to me to be bothered by it.

You need to move much further away from her.

Sorry I meant to say your HUSBAND grew up listening to your MILs opinions and values, not your son.

Imagine being a parent to a grown child with a wife and family, and crying down the phone because he doesn't see you enough, even though he sees you multiple time a week?

I am a mother of a boy. I would not want to be intruding in his life to this extent (in the same way I wouldn't want to if I was a mother of a daughter)

4 or 5 days a week is really excessive. I don't even see my own dad more than twice a week. I can't believe people think it's great.
Your DH works, then sees his mum so do you and your son get any family time with him in the evening? Then he sees her at the weekend too?
I wouldn't be happy in your shoes either. You can talk to him about stepping back but it doesn't sound like he can stand up to his mum. So unless he can actually grow up a bit and say no things aren't going to change.
I wouldn't be considering having another baby with him until you get the issue with his mum sorted.

Imagine that your baby boy grows up and marries and that you don't air your racist and homophobic views in front of his wife and child and you don't insist on seeing your son every day, making him so stressed that he cries about it to his wife.

Feel sorry for your DP. His mum is emotionally blackmailing him to see her. What disgusting behaviour. He needs to put a stop to this instead of enabling her. Tell him that she's fine but manipulative and he needs to get his priorities straight: spending time with his wife and children has to come first. Maybe she's doing it on purpose to drive a wedge between you?

Constant phoning, especially when they're out, is intrusive

And it's not like she's sitting at home, rotting in the corner

@anonymous670 have you heard of FOG, fear, obligation, guilt. Your DH needs to look into this and ways of dealing with it

This sounds like a good plan 🙂

Yes, I agree with this. Mine are 24 and 17 and this is the case with them as well. Ours disagree with some of our views , let alone their grandparents’s views - which is at it should be.

OP, I’m normally in favour of men dealing with their side of the family, but given the pressure she is placing on him, if I was in your situation I’d offer to deal with MIL myself and shield him for a while. It sounds like he’s really struggling.

If he is just popping in to see if she is ok that's a nice thing for him to do and I don't see the issue. If he is staying for hours at a time and it's impacting on things you want to do i can see that could be an issue.

My post was pre-drip feed. Regardless, many of the replies would be very different if the sexes were reversed, even if there was no poor behaviour on the part of the MIL.

YABU and really unsupportive of him.

I would encourage DH to get into a routine of visiting her at her home on the way home from work and stopping in for say 20mins for a cup of tea.
This will reduce the risk of her coming to yours.

Once you’ve moved then this can be reduced to every other day.

Have you totally missed the part where the DH is totally overwhelmed by the situation and doesn't actually want to see his mum this much?