DH sees MIL every day

I agree with others that it depends on various factors.
How long are these visits? Half an hour or half a day?
In what way is it impacting on family life as you say?
What is the proportion of her visiting at your house and he visiting at hers? Because if I was only expected to see her once a week then the visits by him to her would bother me less (unless they are excessive!)
What are the values you disagree with? I mean if she’s homophobic or racist that would be a huge deal for me, other factors less so.

I don't think it's a good idea for married adults with small children to see their healthy, active parents almost every day.

Your husband is setting an example to your son of how to love and care for his mother as she is getting older. That’s worth reflecting on.

Equally i get that too much of anyone can start to grate. Speak to husband about gently pushing back. Eg we can’t do Wednesday evening this week, but why don’t you pop in Saturday afternoon?

both husband I speak to our parents more or less daily and I don’t think that’s odd.

I can only think of it on my own terms. And if my partner tried to tell me I shouldn't see my mum whenever I or she wanted then I'd find it controlling and cruel. But mine is disabled and elderly and does genuinely need me there a lot of the time.
Is it because you feel he's just trying to avoid you, or the responsibility of family life?

My DH isn't close to his mum but some PIL are always at ours and we end up having dinner with them several times a week. My older son is more bonded with my MIL than my DM because she's always here whereas I see my mum once a week. PIL always message me instead of DH and will tell anyone that we're super close. However, I'm much closer to my mum.

I'm kind to them because I have two boys and I'd hope their partners are kind to me. It does get too much though because I know that even if I got divorced my PIL will still follow me around.

I think if you need peace and privacy at home sometimes you could agree at least a couple days a week are 'guest free'

I don't think there is anything wrong with someone dropping in on a parent frequently if they are nearby. If he spent hours and hours there it would be different.

I am sorry you have problems with her values. Tell us more, is she a Daily Mail reading, flag-waving xenophobe or something? I would hate that influence around my child but I'd say something like, "None of that talk in front of her/him, it's not appropriate, children need to grow up to form opinions independently", and enforce it. They have enough influences around them without nastiness from their nearest and dearest.

My late husband had an uncle like that, you couldn't be in his company for more than five minutes without him coming out with something. He was like a polished Alf Garnett. However we didn't see him that often.

I hope I am wrong about your mother-in-law but, as an elderly person, I encounter those attitudes frequently.

Other than that, if your husband is not absent from home for long periods, I wouldn't worry. I note his sister is less keen to visit her mother. Hmmmm, that is telling.

My mother used to do this to me. It was part of her controlling my life and continuing the abusive power stuff that I grew up with. If I got a partner it ramped up and was essentially attention-seeking.
Having read your posts I suspect you've got a narcissist for a MiL. Have a look for the Stately Homes threads which might help.

I really don’t understand why some posters choose NOT to avail themselves of the ‘See all OP’s posts’ feature, especially since the app was upgraded a while to include this feature.

These posters are just inventing a false dialogue - what really is the point??

How old is she OP? At first I assumed she was in her 80s to need this sort of constant popping in or very disabled.
But given your probable ages, sounds like she's only in her 60s which is young for needed that level of 'suppprt'.
I do believe it is intrusive on your small family time to go round every day and ring as well. Even more so given how stressed it is making him.

I disagree with this, i think who you have around you hugely influences the kind of person you are, and the strength of feeling created between you, and them. It's often why people in prison reoffend, and why addicts have to remove themselves from other addicts if they want to get clean. I believe love or hate, are both a product of time spent, whereas indifference is a product of little time spent. It doesn't matter that she's his mother, it does matter that she's a good person, and someone whose personality you would like as a role model.

I think that's a huge amount. DH only sees his mum once every few months.

It's not really a strange thing to say. Normal for kids to be closer to the grandparents they see more.

i'd find it excessive for either parent to see their parent every day a week - unless DS is a baby and you want help or MIL is recently bereaved or disabled. A quick phone call or text or whatsap group and a couple of visits is enough, would still have been too much for me.

clock into OP’s “see all” and read the crucial details she added about the whole situation, the hubby actually doesn’t want to be dealing with his mother so much

I clicked on OP’s see all because I knew there was more to it and was sick of reading everyone having a go at her when I knew she wasn’t just hating on MIL for no reason, it’s better not to drip feed and put EVERYTHING in the first post, adding those few extra details changed the whole outlook on it all and she wouldn’t have got the comments she got from others. The woman’s a racist, homophonic, over bearing leach that even her own daughter can’t deal with!!

Exactly this. You know how much you love your son now? Well you always will.

I disagree with all of this 😂.

Replace 'his mum' with golfing, fishing or mates at the pub and it would be LTB territory.

Is she a widow? Sorry if you have already explained this. It's a tricky one because as pp have said if the situation was reversed a man moaning would be criticised. But if it's upsetting for him something needs to change. I have a mum who can be quite demanding of time and it can be a bit overwhelming to feel like your presence is required then to be criticised when you aren't available. Perhaps a gradual reduction in visits over a period of time may help?

You are entitled to be bothered if she is literally in your house every day and would be OK to ask for a bit less of that. Other than that, nope. You're in the wrong.

That's a different kettle of fish to your opening post.

Your DH is struggling with this and you both need support to deal with it.

To be honest, I think you need to report this thread, get it removed and repost with all this information in the OP. You will then get some supportive responses, which at the moment will be lost amongst those still responding to your misleading OP.

You and your DH are both unhappy with this. The step I think has most chance of happening is not to meet on the days your MIL is working.

I’d find it suffocating and wouldn’t want to live like that at all. I also find it strange if any woman wanted to see her DM so frequently. I think either scenario would be a relationship breaker for me.

This.

Just a thought, instead of Dh going round some days, why doesn’t he say Byquaint is popping in instead - then you go, stay for about 15 mins then leave - weans her off him a bit,whilst still getting attention and it might help your relationship with her a bit.
If she says something you don’t agree with just say sweetly say ohh you know I don’t share these views.