To be upset by this reason for not coming to my wedding?

You're the one who is thinking about a destination wedding which is time consuming and costly and asking working people to use up limited vacation time. This is a huge ask and some people are not going to be able to go for various reasons. You're the one asking for their time and money, why be mad if they can't go? Plus, no partners? That's a bit much.

Animals are a big reason. Some can't be boarded, some don't do well without their people around. Our older dog whose person was my husband died 3 days after he did.

You're being unreasonable, especially being mad because someone can't go for anyreason. This is a bridezilla move.

Do whatever suits you, you can't please everyone. Have it exactly the way you want. Have it in Italy, then have a celebration/party in the UK.
Plus some people are just unaccommodating whether it's to do with a dog or any other reason.

If they don't want to go all the way to Italy for a wedding where their partner isn't even invited to then that's their choice

It's bizarre how everyone thinks weddings are as exciting to everyone else as they are the couple getting married...news flash they are not

She might have a standard 'no overseas weddings' rule. Dog or no dog.

If it's important to you to have certain people there, don't make it so bloody hard, expensive, time consuming for them to attend.

Have a local wedding and go to Italy for your honeymoon, invite everyone to your honeymoon instead.

I just went away for one night with my husband. We left our dog at home with our 20 year old son who lives with us. My dog didn’t eat the whole time I was away. There is no way I could leave her for longer no matter who she was left with as she would make herself ill.
she’s an ex rescue who is especially bonded to me and has issues around food. She would be the same if I left her with my husband. So I would have to be the same and be unable to leave her for more than 1 night.

The reason does not matter. Its a simple question and response situation
OP "are you up for this"
Fam "No"
OP "OK"

@Thegirlintheredsunglasses yes you are entitled to be upset that your sister is prioritising the dog over you.
how olds the dog? The dog might not even be here in two years time.
the world seems to have gone a bit cuckoo over dogs in the last 5/10 years.
it’s a dog. An animal to love and share mutual respect with, not a member of the family that takes all priorities!
Dog not baby.
Pet not partner.

I’d be upset too.

if we went to a restaurant and someone’s boyfriends arse was out on the table people would have something to say about it …. but it’s ok if it a dog wagging its tail and bum around food and drink.
Just not nice! People need to treat animals as animals, not humanise them.

dogs can go on doggy holidays, to kennels.

I don’t mean this to sound unkind, but the reality is that your wedding is the most important thing is the world to you, but however much this family member loves you the wedding is not central to their world and you shouldn’t expect it to be.

Maybe they can’t afford it and this is their excuse. Destination weddings are usually cheaper for the couple getting married but more expensive for guests

People will find any excuse they can to not make an effort really. I'm also planning a wedding and some of the excuses from people I expected better from have been fairly disappointing. It's not even a destination wedding. Several slightly further away people (less than 2 hours) clearly just can't be arsed travelling outside their immediate local area and even my future husbands own mum has said they'll have to leave about 8pm "to get back for the dog". Make other arrangements for your dog and make your sons wedding a priority ffs 🙄

So I was hurt that she can go on holiday and leave her dog but not to my wedding and leave her dog

But she can go on holiday because you're looking after her dog. Who's going to do the dog care while she's at the wedding abroad with all her family?

Dogs are a big tie - even more so than children in many respects.

Sure, but in OP’s case she WAS actually asking - albeit verbally - if she could/would attend or not two years in advance. That’s more akin to an RSVP than a simple ‘Save the Date’/FYI in my book. RSVPs seem to be requested further and further in advance recently. I’m fairly recently married myself and 8 months was sufficient for us, personally. My point remains that a lot can change in 1-2 years. Her sister could be TTC, her or her partner could be having health difficulties that others aren’t aware of, financial difficulties/commitments… there are all sorts of scenarios that would make giving an answer so far in advance potentially problematic, and so maybe doggo got the blame. Who knows. 🤷‍♀️

Your further posts just make this even weirder TBH. You say the Italy celebration isnt actually the proper wedding so what's the big deal then?

If you are getting married in the UK and your sister will be attending there then why are you so upset she isnt going to Italy? She isnt going to to be missing your wedding at all, she just doesnt want a trip abroad for a celebration.

You keep saying you respect people's wishes not to want to travel abroad but then in the next breath you are saying you are annoyed about it 💁

I think there’s quite a difference between a save the date and asking people to RSVP a year ahead of the date. The couple in your story are Ofc being ridiculous to be miffed that you couldn’t attend 🤣For any event there could be a range of reasons why people can’t attend which is just they way the cookie crumbles.

most wedding venues are booked up at least 6 months in advance and weddings are so expensive people often have to save for a considerable period to pay for them. I don’t think it’s that unusual once the date is booked in to let people especially close family/ friends know the date so if they want to attend they don’t for example book a holiday/ festival on that date. Again it’s not a summons and if people don’t want to save the date that’s also completely fine. That’s what I meant by don’t make plans - not don’t get pregnant or don’t get sick lol

I have a pet hare rabbit that literally won’t eat for anyone else so I would genuinely not hesitate to tell anyone in my family I couldn’t go because of the rabbit. Mind you all our family and friends know he’s literally the favourite child so wouldn’t be surprised. If I am ill or we are out for the day he won’t eat for other family members (occasionally will accept a treat from dd1 but nothing else) so it would be out of the question. He also doesn’t like outside so wouldn’t come and I’d never stress him so bringing him wouldn’t work either.

Perhaps she can’t afford it
it’s the risk you take when having a wedding abroad

Personally I think weddings abroad are the height of selfishness. The cost, inconvenience and having to use up annual leave from work for something which, aside from the couple getting married, nobody really cares about. I think the OP will find that quite a few people will decide it’s not something they want to attend.

I think is fair to be upset, it's your sister, not just someone you know.
The dog could be the real reason (reactive, unable to cope in kennels, difficult to handle)

• could be finances (even if she has a booked holiday)
• could be that she resents you not going on holiday with them (cause you said it was due to finances but were planning a wedding abroad, which is not exactly a Need is a Want)
• could be cause partners are not invited (if it's a long term partner) i wouldn't be happy neither, but i would just say it
• there are previous 'issues' between you two and your relationship is not straightforward?

But you've told us that it's not your wedding - you're doing that in the UK.
And you won't be able to look after the dog - you'll be in Italy.
You want her to commit to a holiday in Italy for a party you're having that you're not inviting her partner to.

She could be pregnant now, or TTC, or planning to.

It’s a bit weird not to let family bring partners to a small intimate wedding abroad. And then expect them to fork out air fare. I know it’s not happening anymore but I do think all round it was a bit of an unreasonable ask.

The whole "you have 2 years notice" thing doesn't sit well with me, because I really disagree with expecting anyone else you aren't married to or the parent of to make long term plans based on you.

I don't save for weddings or hen dos. I can either afford them or not, and if the person desperately wants me there, they won't expect me to save up for them.

If she is close friend/family, why are you not inviting her partner? If you want an exotic wedding you have to recognise other people have other prioritises and your wedding is unlikely to be top of their list.

DD and her partner are going to a wedding in Europe this summer, They have accepted, but are not looking forward to the travel and the cost of getting there. as it’s in the middle of nowhere. They have grumbled about this a number of times. It’s really unfair on guests. They’ve also travelled very long distance in the UK for a wedding a few years ago.

As a result, they aren’t being selfish about location and they’re making sure their own wedding will be local and accessible.

So it's only fine if you agree with their reason

Why not have the honeymoon in your favourite place in Italy instead?

This is by far the best solution OP.

You are simply sounding people out at the moment as the wedding is two years away. You kindly asked the dog person and she kindly gave you her answer. Maybe she simply doesn’t wish to travel or would prefer to travel to her own favourite place, -not yours if she is going to spend her hard earned money on travel. Or maybe the dog is a genuine excuse. Either way, there’s no point getting upset about it. You won’t be able to please everybody if you want a destination wedding.