To be upset by this reason for not coming to my wedding?

This.

Always assume people know their minds, and don’t question their social excuses.

Just elope, the pair of you OR go on honeymoon to your favourite place in Italy.

It's a lot to expect people to go to weddings abroad.

I got married abroad in my husband’s country. I would never, ever get married abroad again - the pissing and whingeing from the UK contingent lasted longer than the actual marriage.

You are 100% being silly.

It is incredibly crass to presume that you know the ins and outs of peoples finances (even your best friend) and what they can and can’t afford. Expecting people to commit to something in a foreign country two years in advance is… questionable.

Having a wedding abroad, putting out feelers to see if people will come, and getting upset when they won’t, is very unreasonable. It is unrealistic (and arrogant, tbh) to think that people should want to foot the bill for accommodation and flights to attend your wedding. The event is important to YOU - not everyone else.

If I were in your sister's position and someone put me on the spot with an unexpected invite abroad, my first thought would be that no, it wouldn't work with my dog, because who is going to look after him. He can't be left in a kennels or with other dogs so it takes some planning. It is the first thing that my mind goes to because he is my no.1 responsibility. However, after the idea has been suggested and I have had time to think it over and consider options, then I might be more open to the idea.

I wouldn't take your sister's negative reaction to heart. It might be that no, she really doesn't want to go, or it might be that you need to give her some time to think it over. But it might also be that the dog is an excuse because she doesn't want to commit to going somewhere on holiday two years from now, I know I wouldn't want to do that myself. Yes, your wedding will no doubt be special, but it will also use up your guests holiday leave and budget, so in a way, you are deciding where their holiday will be that year.

OP, you’re upset that you think your DS wasn’t prepared to even think about how she might be able to come to your wedding. But you hadn’t booked anything and were just asking what people thought. Your DS probably didn’t try and think about how to make it work because you hadn’t booked it - you were getting feedback about the idea your DS was taking the opportunity to be clear that it was not something she liked. If you’d actually booked it she may have moved heaven and earth to be there, despite wishing you hadn’t done it. Don’t let a hypothetical like this sour your relationship with your sister, even a little bit.

Does the person ever travel without the dog? If yes, then YANBU. If no, then YABU.
Even if the person does travel without the dog it doesn't really matter. There could be other reasons why member doesn't want to disclose and used the dog as an excuse.
Personally, I wouldn't want to use my annual leave on someone else's wedding abroad.

life is too short for that extreme level of emotion and anger😂.

an invitation isn’t a summons. I would imagine parents and siblings will be close enough to the couple to have an honest discussion about whether they can go or not. It’s one day.

i would never feel guilted into attending a wedding - I don’t enjoy them and think people (as your post demonstrates) have very big emotions around one day.

you are throwing a lot of projected emotions around.

in this case OP doesn’t accept her sister’s reason for not traveling to Italy. That is OP’s issue, and one she needs to get over.

it wasn’t obnoxious of OP to invite her family to Italy and pay for their accommodation. It is bad manners of her not to graciously accept a decline to that invitation.

Some people are funny about leaving their dogs, I think it’s a legitimate reason to say no because it’s honest and at least she was upfront about it

You’re ridiculous to be upset someone can’t come to your destination wedding. If you’re marrying abroad you can’t assume certain people can come, even if you ask them 2 years ahead. You’re asking them to spend a lot of money (flights, accomodation, food, car hire) to take time off work, to arrange baby sitting, dog kennels, etc etc - extra costs, sometimes mentally very straining to all involved). Not everyone can do that, not everyone wants to do that.
if you have a destination wedding you need to be ok with it just being the 2 of you.
it’s cheaper for you, but waaaaaaay more expensive and cumbersome for your guests.

It's selfish and obnoxious because you're forcing people (and yes they will feel guilted to go especially if they're family) to pay thousands and take leave for something that should easily be done in your home town. And the OP's attitude that she is 'hurt' over the family member's response shows she expects family to go, and is going to be the type to add pressure. Maybe the dog owner relative also doesn't believe in destination weddings but used the dog as an excuse. Who knows? But the dramatic 'oh I am so hurt!' act of the OP shows exactly where she would go with this; family members would be pressured to go. It's different if the couple don't have a problem if most don't attend. OP clearly would have a problem and apply pressure.

Maybe she doesn't care about having a "reasonable excuse" for not attending an overseas wedding alone (because OP can't be bothered to invite her partner).

I have been invited to many, have gone to three.

there is nothing obnoxious or selfish about inviting someone to an event. They don’t have to attend.

i was not insulted or angry to be invited to my friend’s wedding in France. it required three flights and very expensive accommodation, I was moving house that year and couldn’t afford it. So I declined the invitation and sent a nice gift. The bride and I are still close. No one was upset:

why are you so emotional about someone else’s event?

I would have to think twice (at least) if I was invited to a destination wedding. Don't forget you are essentially telling people where and when they are having their holiday that year, and that's a big ask. When you have pets and children it becomes pretty tricky to sort, especially if all the family are going as they would normally be the ones to help out when you're away!!!

Whilst it sounds nice, it's much more doable for the people invited if you have a UK based wedding and your honey moon anywhere you like.

Ok I've read all your posts now OP and I really don't understand why you can't just have your honeymoon in Italy like normal people did only a couple of decades ago before this 'destination' wedding bs social contagion took hold. Just have the wedding here, honeymoon in Italy. Simple, straightforward, normal. Why all this fuss?

Destination weddings are terribly selfish and obnoxious. I would never go to one out of strong principle, even if it were my best friend. Why can't you just get married here and have your honeymoon in Italy, like people used to do?

So, you’re asking people to take annual leave/ pay for a holiday and NOT bring their partners? And out of the few you’ve suggested it to, one won’t leave their dog, one is scared of flying and one can’t afford it? How on earth are these things you don’t know about your own family?

You invited your sister to help you celebrate your wedding twice

one abroad where she has to travel alone, stump up for flights, hotel, outfit and stump up for dog boarding plus another wedding in uk where she has to stump up for another outfit.

if I was your sister it’d be a no from me.

On the face of it yes, it’s like ‘sorry I’ll be busy washing my hair’. Surely she has gone on holiday since having the dog? She’s heard of dog sitters, kennels, even TrustedHousesitters which is free (with annual fee of £150 more or less ).
And two years notice. Plenty of time to save up. I agree she could have come up with a more reasonable excuse. Gosh I’ll come in her place!

I would be hurt if this person does travel from time to time without their dog but I do know people who have never left their dog and won't go anywhere that is not an easy travel and dog-friendly place. If this is this person's normal to never separate from their dog then I'd accept that this is their life now although I would still feel sad I'm sure that they were not coming.

Are you paying for flights, hotels etc? Could it be a financial reason? Some people don’t have the funds to jet off to overseas weddings if they’re expected to pay their own way. Just a thought and also I get where she’s coming from. I have six cats, four large dogs and chickens..it’s a military operation to get someone into look after them as well as costly and my husband works full time and will not be amused to take leave. So perhaps there are other considerations..

Even it is your child? Or a place you’ve always wanted to go to? Weird to make such a blanket decision.
I’d love to go to a wedding in Italy! Dog would go to the dog sitter.

@Thegirlintheredsunglasses the dog is an excuse. She doesn't want to go to Italy. You asked. You have an answer.

but if you are now having a bigger UK wedding, then presumably her partner is invited too?
And even if he wasn't then unless it's on a weekend (or even then, depending on his working hours) he will still be 'working throughout the day.'

So if she's not happy to pay for a dog sitter and the dog can't be left for a day on its own (as the only issue was her partner working through the day, not that he wouldn't be around at night)

then surely she won't be able to come to your wedding wherever it's held? Or ever leave the house for more than a few hours at all?

If she'd said 'X is working that week and I can't afford to pay for the dog to go to a sitter for a few days,' that would make sense. But if her excuse is that the dog literally can't be left alone in the daytime, how does she ever go anywhere? Does she work?

She probably doesn’t want to spend out going abroad for a wedding and is using the dog as an excuse. If you’re that desperate for her to be at your wedding then change it to the uk