Page 6 | To be upset by this reason for not coming to my wedding?

Fleurdalys · 19/04/2025 21:10

NancyJoan · 19/04/2025 17:19

Not to be able to attend a wedding in two years time because of the dog sounds so ridiculous that I can only assume it’s not the reason at all.

Why?
I wouldn’t leave my dog to go abroad?
no chance

Starling7 · 19/04/2025 20:24

She may be using the dog as an excuse due to phobia of flying? Or financial difficulties she is embarrassed by? But, tbh, some people's dogs are like their children - I have 2 rescues and would be hesitant to go, as I know they would suffer without me.

YourFunnyTiger · 19/04/2025 20:18

Gently, weddings are like kids parties to some people.

You go for the food and drink, drop a present off then wait until it's finished so you can get on with what you want to do.

Sure some people love weddings, but to be honest they are boring.

ThatLemonBear · 19/04/2025 19:56

Yes, YABU. You have no idea if the dog is the real reason or not (funds? Phobia of flying? Or maybe it really is the dog) You chose to get married abroad (as did I) so you have to consider any guests to can incur the expense in joining you as a bonus

notacooldad · 19/04/2025 18:52

I know you said it wasn’t an invitation but more of a “who would like to come with us if we do this?” but truthfully there’s no polite way of saying “No thanks, I’ll pass”.
I was asked if I would come to a cos wedding in Bali. I didn't think it was a serious invite as it was said at work adressed to everyone in ' whose coming then? I said' no, not me' I was asked why not anti I said. I don't want to spend that much on a colleagues wedding, I don't want to give up my annual leave and I've never wanted to go to Bali.
At that point I realised it was a serious suggestion and I perhaps should have had more tact!!

Middlechild3 · 19/04/2025 18:33

I would never go to a destination wedding. I prefer to spend my money and annual leave on my choices not indulging someone else's. The dog thing is just an excuse. You say you've given 2 years notice, so? what that people can put aside their hard earned cash to indulge your fantasy? Weddings are expensive enough to attend in the UK. You are being precious.

prelovedusername · 19/04/2025 18:14

I know you said it wasn’t an invitation but more of a “who would like to come with us if we do this?” but truthfully there’s no polite way of saying “No thanks, I’ll pass”. If you really don’t mind if no-one comes then just let it go, and make sure everyone knows you’re ok with that. But it does sound as though you’d be disappointed not to have people along, whatever the reason.

Mwnci123 · 19/04/2025 17:55

Honestly, I think weddings abroad ask too much of guests, even close ones. Annual leave is precious, many of us can't afford the holidays we'd like anyway, and loving someone doesn't mean their wedding is the be all and end all of your annual budget of leave and money. YABU

NancyJoan · 19/04/2025 17:19

Not to be able to attend a wedding in two years time because of the dog sounds so ridiculous that I can only assume it’s not the reason at all.

Bellyblueboy · 19/04/2025 17:18

FearistheMindKillerr · 19/04/2025 16:19

Am I wrong?

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You’re a lot things that I would get banned for saying.

Brefugee · 19/04/2025 16:54

FearistheMindKillerr · 19/04/2025 16:19

Am I wrong?

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yes

Brefugee · 19/04/2025 16:53

FearistheMindKillerr · 19/04/2025 16:15

Slightly off topic, but…

Pre children I was dog crazy. I mean CrAzY!!! Never had one as I didn’t have outside space for it and loved them too much to keep one cooped up.

Post children I physically recoil from most dogs.

However, this thread got me thinking about what sort of Venn diagram could be drawn between dog owners who wouldn’t dream of leaving their precious pooch in a kennel for an hour and those same people who also happen to have children but think nothing of leaving them in childcare for 12 hours x 5 times per week.

oh you must be patting yourself on the back from getting in that horrible, goady, provocative dig at people who use childcare.

Slow handclap to you for trying to childcare-shame other women.

Brefugee · 19/04/2025 16:50

Cautionsharpblade · 19/04/2025 15:45

I got married abroad in my husband’s country. I would never, ever get married abroad again - the pissing and whingeing from the UK contingent lasted longer than the actual marriage.

that is a lovely way to talk about, presumably, your family and friends who treckked to a foreign place to watch you get married? bloody hell, wind your neck in.

I don't have "blanket rules" about much. If i want to do something and can afford it, i generally will. If i don't want to do something and i can afford it, i generally won't. There are a few exceptions to that. If i can't afford it, no matter whether or not i want to - it ain't gonna happen.

pp mentioned their DCs going to a wedding abroad that is difficult to get to and they are moaning about it: they need to learn to say "no"

Phyllisve · 19/04/2025 16:38

Thegirlintheredsunglasses · 19/04/2025 11:31

I am so lost at all of these responses. I don’t understand. We are not getting married abroad.. we are still getting married in the UK. Therefore I am not expecting anyone to do anything… you are making out that I have booked the wedding and then told people “we are getting married here, here’s your invite” and then getting upset that people don’t want to come.
But that’s a made up situation.

Whats actually happened is that we got engaged. Discussed eloping just the two of us in Italy but decided we would prefer to share the day with the people we love and know that people probably won’t be able to come because of all of the reasons people are listing. I know all of this. I have made it clear in my OP that we originally didn’t even consider it because of this! But we then thought instead of dismiss it completely, why not just ask them first? There is nothing wrong with asking your family if they’d be up for coming to Italy wjth you. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. If they say no, fine. I have not sent out formal invitations, I just messaged the family group chat and said “hey, would anyone be up for coming to Italy if we considered getting married there?” It’s no different to asking them if they fancy a family holiday. It’s my mum, grandma, and sister. And then DPs mum, dad and grandma. DPs grandma said she doesn’t like flying, my mum said she probably won’t be able to due to money, but my sister said no because of her dog. So therefore we have dismissed the idea. That’s all that’s happened…. I don’t know why people on here like to argue and get themselves worked up about things that are untrue and they’ve made up themsleves.

I am just asking if AIBU to feel hurt that my sisters reason was her dog! If that is unreasonable of me, that’s absolutely fine and I accept that. But the way that people are going on saying I’m expecting people to do X Y and Z is just simply not true. It’s not an expectation, it was a question.

Edited

To be honest I would be more hurt at my own mother saying no because of money! There’s no way I would miss my daughters edding because of money

FearistheMindKillerr · 19/04/2025 16:36

AliBaliBee1234 · 19/04/2025 16:26

This is so strange. Why are you comparing a kennel to childcare?

Almost as extreme as physically recoiling from dogs.

Edited

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Well you could probably explain just as well to a dog as a 1 year old about why they needed to be left all day. I’d say the levels of anxiety would be similar.

notacooldad · 19/04/2025 16:33

I think 2 years is plenty of notice. I had an invite to a wedding in Italy for the first week in May sent out to me in January.
I've said before on this thread, I would not want to give up annual leave for a wedding whether you give me 2 years or 10 years notice!!!

MN2025 · 19/04/2025 16:27

Thegirlintheredsunglasses · 19/04/2025 08:06

My fiancé and I are planning to get married in 2027. Our dream wedding would be in our favourite place in Italy. We pretty much ruled it out at first because we knew it is a lot to ask of people and a lot of people probably won’t be able to come. I was getting a bit stressed out with the guest list, not wanting to cause upset whilst also sticking to a reasonable budget. I suddenly thought, why not still do it abroad but have a smaller, intimate wedding with immediate family and then have a party over here as a celebration with extended family etc. (after having a look, it’s also so much cheaper, so that’s a massive bonus!)

I decided to ask my closest family first whether they would be up for it. One family member that I am very very close to and really want to be there said “I can’t because of the dog” I said well this will only be for immediate family so couldn’t your partner or someone else look after him? She said “my partner works through the day”

AIBU to be upset by this? I’m trying not to be because I know it’s a lot to ask. And if she would have said “oh I’m not sure, I’d have to see if I can sort out arrangements for the dog” that would’ve been absolutely fine. It’s just the fact that without even thinking about how to make it work, she just said no straight away. I’m giving 2 years notice! I’m not here to slag her off, I feel guilty writing this because I really love her dearly but it’s hurt me how she would gladly miss my wedding rather than try to find someone to look after her dog, or leave him with her partner for a few days.

Please tell me IABU to be upset over this? I haven’t said anything to her though, I’ve just left it.

I think 2 years is plenty of notice. I had an invite to a wedding in Italy for the first week in May sent out to me in January.

Maybe your relative doesn’t like flying? They might change their mind? It could also be financial reasons that they don’t want to go.

Would you not just have a lavish wedding in the UK so everyone can attend and then jet out to Italy for honeymoon perhaps?

AliBaliBee1234 · 19/04/2025 16:26

FearistheMindKillerr · 19/04/2025 16:15

Slightly off topic, but…

Pre children I was dog crazy. I mean CrAzY!!! Never had one as I didn’t have outside space for it and loved them too much to keep one cooped up.

Post children I physically recoil from most dogs.

However, this thread got me thinking about what sort of Venn diagram could be drawn between dog owners who wouldn’t dream of leaving their precious pooch in a kennel for an hour and those same people who also happen to have children but think nothing of leaving them in childcare for 12 hours x 5 times per week.

This is so strange. Why are you comparing a kennel to childcare?

Almost as extreme as physically recoiling from dogs.

Finmory · 19/04/2025 16:26

OP I disagree with most of the comments here and think your immediate family have shown a shocking lack of support for your wedding. With the exception of grandma, I think the excuses are v weak especially given how much notice you've given.

Yes destination weddings are a big ask but it's Italy not Australia, cheap flights can be found and surely in 2 years a dog sitter can be secured. Also these are immediate family not acquaintances. It feels like a total lack of interest on their part.

I think the fact you posed it as a question probably made them shoot it down quickly as it wasn't 100% convenient for them. If you'd just sent out invites I suspect they'd have found a way to attend.

Remember this when you're expected to go out of your way to accommodate something in their lives.

scandalito · 19/04/2025 16:25

I think asking people on the spot is probably not the way to go. Maybe write / text and explain your thinking and give them time to think through. As an aside I think asking people to travel abroad for a wedding party is a bit unreasonable. Probably more thoughtful and realistic to have your party somewhere accessible and affordable and then honeymoon abroad.

AliBaliBee1234 · 19/04/2025 16:25

To be honest, she may be using this as an excuse because she can't afford it. Telling someone you can't afford something is a bit awkward that's why I think abroad weddings are a bit selfish if you're expecting people to travel. Sorry :(

FearistheMindKillerr · 19/04/2025 16:19

Bellyblueboy · 19/04/2025 16:18

what a creative way to shame working parents😂

Show quote history

Am I wrong?

Bellyblueboy · 19/04/2025 16:18

FearistheMindKillerr · 19/04/2025 16:15

Slightly off topic, but…

Pre children I was dog crazy. I mean CrAzY!!! Never had one as I didn’t have outside space for it and loved them too much to keep one cooped up.

Post children I physically recoil from most dogs.

However, this thread got me thinking about what sort of Venn diagram could be drawn between dog owners who wouldn’t dream of leaving their precious pooch in a kennel for an hour and those same people who also happen to have children but think nothing of leaving them in childcare for 12 hours x 5 times per week.

what a creative way to shame working parents😂

FearistheMindKillerr · 19/04/2025 16:15

Slightly off topic, but…

Pre children I was dog crazy. I mean CrAzY!!! Never had one as I didn’t have outside space for it and loved them too much to keep one cooped up.

Post children I physically recoil from most dogs.

However, this thread got me thinking about what sort of Venn diagram could be drawn between dog owners who wouldn’t dream of leaving their precious pooch in a kennel for an hour and those same people who also happen to have children but think nothing of leaving them in childcare for 12 hours x 5 times per week.

DuckieDodgyHedgyPiggy · 19/04/2025 15:52

Wedding at home, honeymoon in favourite place sorts all this out.

Or maybe not - DH and I are invited to something and he absolutely will not leave ddog with anyone or put her in kennels. I know one of us will end up going alone.