To be upset by this reason for not coming to my wedding?

I got married abroad and had a party at home as well. Those who wanted to come abroad did that and had a great time. Those who didn't camto the uk party instead. They were both celebrations of our marriage. Job done and no one upset.

YABU to be upset that she doesn’t want to attend your wedding abroad. The reason doesn’t matter. Abroad weddings are a pain in the arse for everyone but the bride and groom. People always complain about the cost and hassle of having to attend them, even if they put on a brave face for the happy couple.

As PPs have said, have your honeymoon in your dream location and your wedding (maybe Italian themed?) where the people who matter to you can actually attend. Your guests and family will appreciate it!

Exactly. I’d pass on the convoluted arrangements to witness the nuptial ceremony and maybe attend a later party at home. As long as it weren’t a silly reenactment.

Unless it was one of my children , I would be turning down an invite straight away for whatever reason flew into my head , if it was just for me and not my husband.
Reasons , pet care and costs , not wanting to travel alone , not wanting to use holidays allowance, not being able to book holiday two years in advance so no idea if I would actually be able to go , cost ( yes I could afford it , but probably would rather spend it on a holiday with my husband ) , would attend the celebration party at home , wondering if I wanted to spend time with the other guests , eg would I know them all.

Have a lovely wedding though , but since this would be my immediate thought process , I’m not surprised some others might feel the same way.

Great post.
Says it all really.

This. Marrying abroad and expecting other people to give up their time/ money for it is unreasonable (though currently in vogue).

You should only do it if you can get agreement from the desired guests BEFORE any firm decision is made. If not all agree, change your plans or accept some won't be there.

In this case, it sounds like this person doesn't want to do this - two years is plenty of time to plan to take time off work to care for a dog or find an alternate solution.

Also the two stage celebration will annoy some people. A wedding should all take place on one day IMO. Then all invitees feel equally valued.

This place you love probably means nothing to them - why not include it as part of your honeymoon instead?

She doesn’t want to attend for some other reason - maybe offended at her DP not being invited, maybe it’s the expense even with two years’ notice, doesn’t want to use up annual leave, can’t be bothered with the faff/hassle of travel for a wedding (even yours), or simply doesn’t want to leave her dog.

Most people just cba with destination weddings - it’s your special day but it’s not to anyone else, sorry.

Better to get married here and have a wonderful honeymoon in Italy.

I suspect she's just giving the dog as the easiest expressed excuse but has others. There's cost. Even if she can afford it, she might have you other more pressing financial obligations or wishes than someone else's wedding. There's time-off work. There's the hassle of booking for a specific time and place, especially if it's without her partner.

I can see why you’d be hurt but honestly this might be why. I’d have very little interest in spending money going on holiday without DH (for a wedding at a least). I suppose for someone very close like a sibling I might suck it up, but we’ve been to a wedding aboard and turned it into a holiday and it was lovely, so I wouldn’t be very happy.

I’m really quite shocked you think it’s ok to not invite partners of the people travelling to Italy for your wedding! I think you need to re-think your plans.

It's probably a case of not wanting to spend the money. People just don't have disposable incomes like they used to even 10 years ago.
I wouldn't want to go to a destination wedding for that reason.

If you want people to go you have to be aware it's a big ask. You will likely only get your immediate family who will feel obligated to go and some will maybe put themselves into debt to afford it.

If you want this then the kind thing to do is to budget for flights and accommodation for the people you want to be there.

The dog thing is an excuse, most likely. I would make an excuse too.

My husband wanted an abroad wedding but I was absolutely against it. There was no way on earth I would have had the cheek to ask people to pay out so much money just to come to my wedding. I was horrified even at the thought of it.

He also said, “But it will be much cheaper….”

Maybe for us, but think about the expense we are putting on the guests!!

The flights & accommodation
Travel costs to and fro the airport
Luggage expenses

…..and then throw in the costs of the new outfits they will buy, and no doubt they will give you a gift….

Add in the fact you are expecting them to give up some of their annual leave (which is limited for some), and in turn perhaps have to sacrifice their own family holiday.

…..And even despite all this, partners don’t even get invited.

It is your wedding so you are absolutely right to do what you want to ease your costs, but it is inherently selfish when you think about the costs and expected sacrifices you are laying at the doors of your guests.

YAB completely)U to get offended by anyone who says they are not going to go.

If having your friends and family at your wedding is important to you then have the wedding in this county and you suck up the costs and organise your wedding within the budget you can afford.

If having friends and family at your wedding isn’t important to you then have the wedding abroad and celebrate how much money you’ve saved 👍

I got married abroad, I’m not against it and don’t regret it. Absolutely loved it.

However, if you’re going to do this you need to accept declines with true and honest grace. If your relative doesn’t want to come because of the dog then you have to say fine and mean it.

Others will decline without reason.

I didn’t send invites, I literally just put it out there that we were going abroad to marry if anybody fancied it 12 months in advance. 52 booked on. When they booked, we sent an invite. No pressure, no ‘declines’, no awkward conversations.

It’s your decision to marry abroad, the opinions and comments you’ll get are rough.

Although a holiday/wedding without my DH would be a big no way sadly!

TBH I wouldn't want to go to a wedding like this. I love the family I was born into, but I love the one I've created too and I wouldn't really want to go on holiday without DP, and would feel resentful that I was under pressure to spend my money and time to do something I'm not that bothered about.

Got to be honest and say I hate weddings and the thought of having to add the whole airport palaver on top would be a huge no from me. We got married abroad and just told everyone when we got back. No party, no fuss.

Sorry but maybe they don't want the expense, have to give up a weeks annual leave and be away from their partner, dog is a good excuse. Your wedding is the most important thing in your world but most other people really don't care

(I used my cat being on medication as an excuse for not staying over in a ridiculously priced hotel for a family wedding a few years ago, I wasn't lying but could have made other arrangements if I had really wanted to stay).

MN doesn't "hate weddings".

People getting married just need to accept that no one else is as into their wedding as they and their partner are.

You see this person as being hurtful but they aren't, your wedding just isn't the be all and end all for them.
It's like looking at the moon from entirely different continents and not seeing the same thing at all.

I wouldn't come if you didn't invite my husband. It would be money out of our joint budget and time away that I wouldn't be bothered to spend if you didn't consider him to be sufficiently 'family' to also attend. I woukd wish you well and take tou abd your new husband out for a lovely lunch after the wedding but I absolutely wouldn't attend. You are creating a massive lot of faff for your guests

Then why not do this at a registry office at home and depart that day for Italy?? It’s just madness to move the ceremony a plane flight away. For what?

They aren’t plus ones though are they, they’re their boyfriends / girlfriends / wives / husbands.

I’d think it was extremely bizarre to not be invited - particularly given the event is in two years, any current partner still around by then is pretty long term.

“My partnership is incredibly important so you all must spend ££££ to celebrate that. I don’t recognise your partnership as important though, so I am not inviting your long-term partner”

Going to be embarrassing in ten years when the kids are asking why their aunts and uncles aren’t in any of the pictures.

It's an excuse. YABU to have a destination wedding and get upset at anyone declining.

We have an excellent dog sitter so that wouldn't be a concern for me.

But no way would I go to Italy to a wedding without my husband. Im not a prop in your photos. What a miserable event it would be for guests.

and dont say they know each other. Fine in this country with no need for an over night stay. Not at all fine abroad

remember it is your marriage, but you are hosting an event for your guests. Having an abroad wedding and not including partners is seriously poor and selfish hosting.

have the wedding you can afford to not pass the expense on to your guests.

This - you can’t seriously ask people to take a few days (minimum) annual leave and pay quite a lot of money and not bring their partner! Most people will treat it like a mini holiday and perhaps add on a few days because….. travelling to Italy for your wedding requires a lot of effort! The dog may be an excuse, but equally you just have to accept no for whatever reason. I’ve had to decline weddings abroad due to giving birth/small babies and I would have loved to go, but it wasn’t feasible so what can you do?!