To be upset by this reason for not coming to my wedding?

That's what stood out for me too! So rude.

"Hey family member who I'm really close to, I want you to spend hundreds of pounds to come to my wedding abroad but I don't like your partner so could he please just take time off work and look after your dog to so you can come without him?"

I wonder why she said no?

I’m sure I sound miserable for saying this but other people’s weddings are draining.
I understand they are a big deal for the 2 getting married but for most people it’s just other celebration and they are just getting more and more expensive/ time consuming.
People having 1 wedding abroad then another celebration at home, so for some guests that’s basically a holiday they didn’t choose to pay for, then another day taken up at a later date.
The outfits to pay for, gifts, annual leave to take, possibly babysitters to sort out… and now we can’t even say no

I think the dog thing was her top of the head excuese not to go to your destination wedding, with blood relatives only. It's your vision, but people aren't props.

Yabu. Not everyone wants to attend a destination wedding no matter who they are to you. Cost, the dog, her partner not being invited will all play a part in her decision

Op someone being able to afford it doesn't mean they have to spend that much money for someone's wedding. Having the money is one thing but that doesn't mean they want to benchmark their cash for you. Sorry I don't want to be rude to you at all, you want your family there i understand this but I know from myself when family expect certain things because 'i can afford it ', having the money doesn't actually mean I can afford it. You make assumptions that it will only cost flights but that's not true. You need travel insurance, spending money, money at the airport , getting to the airport, buying extra bits you might need ...it all adds up, and believe me even on a budget you can get to hundreds of pounds.

At the end of the day it's just a wedding. More importantly, it's the marriage that follows that is more important. I wouldn't sweat it, personally.

I wouldn't go to Italy to attend a wedding personally, because despite having two years to save up I doubt I'd still have enough to go!

I think your plan is flawed. If you knew it was too much to ask people to go to a destination wedding, why would they be more up for going to the destination when it's not even your actual wedding? Just go to Italy for your honeymoon. It's hard enough to get people to show up to a party around the corner these days never mind going all that way. Getting this upset this far in advance by a person quite reasonably declining - which they can for any reason whatsoever - is a sign that this isn't the right wedding plan so I'd take it on board and rethink. Anything could change in the next two years anyway, with finances, health, relationships, dogs and all the variables in everyone's lives - so it'll be hell trying to corral folks into committing to a party in Italy that's not even a wedding, and trying to arrange the wedding as well. Do yourself a favour and focus on getting married and don't put too much pressure on the rest that you can't really control.

Speak for yourself, I would gladly travel without my partner for some peace and quiet😂

Please get used to people not giving you the real reason for not attending. Be gracious, accept the response, and DON'T dig down with 'your reason is not good enough'. It's an invitation, not a summons. RSVP = Répondez s'il vous plaît means you'd like people to respond, not that you force them to attend. The only correct response is 'thanks for letting us know'.

That said, I also wouldn't go on holiday to a destination that is not my choice, with accommodation I didn't choose at an unknown cost, without a partner, with family members that I may or may not like because I don't know who else is attending, and the marrying couple is unlikely to spend much time with me. If it's going to cost me £££ and two years to save up, it'll be for my own holiday.

Is she that close if in 2 years time you aren’t expecting her to bring her partner?

I don't understand why you would not allow partners to come. I'm guessing it's a sister or cousin or aunt so why wouldn't their partner be invited?

I think you just need to have a UK wedding and go on holiday abroad if you like. No need to make everyone else travel for your wedding in my opinion. Also she probably can't sort a dog sitter two years in advance.

Have the wedding you want op.
We married abroad and I don’t regret any of it.
It was exactly what we wanted.
Whatever you do you will have people who don’t come, just look at the threads on here saying close friends/family couldn’t even be bothered to turn up on the day.
I’m still annoyed that kid of my so called best friends couldn’t be bothered to come to my hen do. It was a fairly local event with organised transport, not overnight on a day she didn’t work. She had participated in the activity we were doing many times in the past with her boyfriend’s family and we had been to the city together several times. Yet she claimed it just ‘wasn’t for her.’
Marring abroad in a beautiful location is fabulous.

It’s an excuse. She doesn’t want to go.

You are entitled to get married wherever you wish, if say be prepared that people will not want to attend if it’s in Italy, if you’re happy with a smaller wedding then go for it

Dog temperaments really vary - some really can't be left alone for long periods or settle in kennels (another cost to the dog owner) and would be greatly distressed; they are a commitment for as long as they are alive. It would be entirely unreasonable to expect her partner to take time out of work for a wedding they weren't even invited to, too!

Maybe she just doesn't want to go - not everyone has the annual leave or money to spare for destination weddings, it's one of the risks you take. Cheap for you, not for anyone else!

You are effectively eloping. You shouldn't expect people to trail after you if you are eloping.

I would hate to travel to a foreign country but not get to see any of it...because I'm at a wedding.

So it was all hypothetical anyway.

She used that excuse then because it didn’t matter.

What excuse would you have been happy with?

I find it a bit odd that the location is more important to you than the people you wanted to share your wedding with, to the point that you initially preferred the idea of excluding all friends and extended family rather than having your wedding in the UK. The obvious solution, as pp have said, is to have your honeymoon in Italy.

You’re getting a hard time here OP. People going on about travel and expense and annual leave and destination weddings.

Your actual question was whether you were reasonable to be upset over the reason this person has given and I think you are. A close relative stating she’s definitely not coming, with two years notice, because she can’t leave a bloody dog?

Think you’re absolutely justified in being hurt.

Perhaps the dog is an excuse and she doesn't want to travel so far or doesn't want to go without her partner. Perhaps she can't afford it or justify spending the money that they may have saved for a family holiday.
There could be all sorts of reasons why she doesn't want to go and I think if you have a wedding abroad you have to accept some people won't go. It doesn't mean they don't care about you. A wedding is just one day.

My dad once said he wouldn't visit us for Christmas day because "I do my washing on a Thursday" - he was retired and lived alone with a washing machine available any day.

It’s a modern thing to have destination weddings. Before that people had the wedding they could afford fairly locally and the honeymoon they could afford without others Might be 2 weeks in Thailand, might be a wet weekend in Wales.
I prefer that tbh and it is much simpler and more affordable for guests.

People are getting tired of destination weddings. It takes up lots of time, lots of money and planning even for the guests. Rightfully if people are going to spend this sort of money, they would rather choose their own holiday and not attend weddings at a location they might not ever have wanted to visit.

Well that could depend on where it is. Local to most family and friends, minimal hassle. Abroad, big hassle. It’s not ‘just a flight’, it’s packing, getting to airport, flying (I hate flying), hotel, and then packing, airport and flight back (how far are the airports from home and hotel). Pet arrangements if you have a pet (or kids?) and on top of that taking annual leave without your partner to consider. It’s a big ask.

Destination weddings require people to use their annual leave and finances to attend something that you choose to do.

I went to a destination wedding last month. Even though the bride and groom had paid for everything it still involved a lot of juggling - childcare, pet care, time off work etc and that was without the issue of financing it. It’s a big ask for people and you can’t look in from the outside and think you know the barriers to them not attending as there could be SO many other factors.

Also, and I’m saying thins kindly- nobody cares about your wedding as much as you do. They just don’t. It’s your day, but to everybody else It’s just another wedding.

🤣🤣 ‘we’!!

’we are still getting married in the UK because ……. ‘

Don’t forget there are two of you getting married.

Blimey, two years of this, can you imagine?!