To be upset by this reason for not coming to my wedding?

Plenty of women don't care either, but i don't know why you can't just accept people are different and some don't like it? It doesn't take a whole load of brain power to recognise this.

. So that absolutely no one has a plus one as a blanket rule. It would just be parents, grandparents and siblings that’s it.

So you don’t count peoples partners as family? Yet you expect them to include your fiancé as family as you’re marrying him?

This is just thoughtless.

Yeah this. Honestly, this is why destination weddings annoy me, not because they shouldn't have them- people should have whatever they want for their wedding. It's because no matter what the B&G say they always get huffy when people cant make them. But that is the price you pay for a destination wedding!!

Its fine to have a destination wedding but the consequences are- people dont want to spend that much, they have to take time off work, arrange dog sitting, childcare etc its just such a huge hassle.

I think you are being unreasonable- you say you understand if people cant make it but then you are taking it super personally when they tell you that. The dog thing might just be an excuse for all the other things I have listed. Even if you are close- she may not feel comfortable telling you she cant afford it exactly because its a huge deal to you.

Yes this. Never seen a man tear his hair out in angst about attending a wedding/ event without his significant other.

My other half is invited to a wedding later this year. I’m not invited/ he doesn’t have a plus one. There’s no shade or anything, I just don’t know them very well. I would be utterly bemused if he turned round and said he wasn’t going because of that.

Also, what do they think single people do? Just not attend anything? I’ve been to more weddings single than attached and, this might bemuse some, always had a wonderful time.

Unless one of you is from another country, abroad is for the honeymoon.

Be upset OP but don't make an issue of it. A lot of people CBA to go abroad. It's a lot to ask. In two years time the dog might even be in the big dog basket in the sky. Just let it all go. Enjoy your wedding and don't set parameters on other people.

The dog may be an excuse.

But asking people to travel to Italy in two years time for a wedding is basically bonkers. What family connections do you have with Italy? If YOU love it why not go there for your honeymoon instead of dragging everyone else there. And then having a fake wedding party here.

That’s what’s unreasonable.

I don’t see how anyone commits to an event two years in advance.
Finances change.
Health can change.
Life situations can change.

You can’t expect everyone to a) commit and b) turn up.

Exactly this. The arrogance of expecting people to spend a fortune on travelling abroad is baffling.

We went to a very close friend's wedding in Italy - everything except our flights was paid for and we had a fantastic time.

The actual marriage ceremony at the local town hall, however, could only be attended by the couple's parents and children, who couldn't go into the room where the ceremony (such as it was - it involved sitting in front of a desk whilst the 'registrar' read out the legal bits, an interpreter translated for them and then they signed the certificate) took place and had to wait outside.

The next day, a fake ceremony (attended by about 60 guests) took place in a beautiful venue, followed by an amazing dinner, party, etc. It was great. But the actual marriage was far less of an occasion than if they'd had one in a UK registry office.

Have you thought about how much money and time you’re asking your guests to give up, just because you want to get married in a different country? I haven’t had a foreign holiday for six years. There are financial and health reasons for that in our case, but others might have a whole range of reasons why they can’t travel. I certainly wouldn’t be able to attend a wedding in Italy, however close I was to the bride. I would be hurt and disappointed if someone close to me made such a tone-deaf and selfish choice, and if they then sulked about my non-attendance I would probably distance myself from them.

Literally nothing in my response suggested I can never be apart from my husband, we do a lot apart but weddings not so much. I suppose the real answer is- everyone is different and it's possible to empathise with why people may wish to attend a wedding with their partner?

I have worked with people who have refused to go on work trips because they don’t travel without their husband. It’s always women. I have never worked with a man who wouldn’t go away without his wife.

Literally never heard any woman say this and I've done a lot of travelling in my career, I guess anecdotes don't really tell us much.

This. Why don’t you just go to Italy for your honeymoon rather than force people to spend 100s and 100s on attending your wedding 🤷🏼‍♀️ sorry but I think it’s extremely self-centred and you can’t be too offended when people say no to your elaborate and expensive plans.

I’d be quite taken aback to be asked to attend a wedding abroad and be told my partner wasn’t invited. The dog reason is perhaps a little unreasonable, but to then be told “oh well your partner wasn’t invited anyway so why can’t they look after it?” would have put my back up and made me less inclined to sort the issue.

If you want a wedding abroad and you’re inviting close family and friends or whatever, I’d assume this meant with their partners. I’d never go to a wedding of someone I was close to if my DH wasn’t invited- that’s just odd!

However, her reason for not coming isn’t because of that but it sounds like she’s making an excuse as doesn’t want to come. So either do it abroad and expect not everyone to come or in this country with more people!

or abroad just you and DH to be and a local party with everyone?

*We pretty much ruled it out at first because we knew it is a lot to ask of people and a lot of people probably won’t be able to come"

And yet when your sister said she wasn't able to come because of the dog you were upset and offended.

If you have a destination wedding a lot of people won't be able to come and a lot of people won't want to come.

It's a hell of a lot of money to fork out to fly somewhere, find a hotel (though you were offering accommodation as part of the wedding package so that was good but many don't), pay for a dog sitter, spending money etc.
Then you have the annual leave issue with people having to use up annual leave for you.
Then you didn't invite partners so it meant your sister would have to fork out the money, take annual leave, find and pay for a pet sitter because the partner has to work and this reduces money and annual leave available for them to have a joint holiday at some other point during the year.

I'm glad you've decided to change your mind and have the wedding back home.

She is just using excuse so she doesn't have to openly tell you that she doesn't want to pay yo go party abroad. Whatever this is planned abroad is NOT a wedding. Your wedding is in UK, you are just planning extra party which is for many simply waste of money, but are too polite to say

As others have highlighted, it’s not about “never being apart”. I go on work trips frequently (reimbursed…) without my husband and we both go on holidays with friends too. A close family wedding, however, partners really should be invited - it’s etiquette. So, yes, most would probably take offence to their not being invited. And then there’s the annual leave argument - I’d rather use AL for something I want to do with my husband, by making the wedding into a holiday, than using precious days on a trip I never asked for. That’s just my personal opinion, though.

My view on weddings is as thus:

You can invite people, and if they cannot attend for whatever reason then you have to understand that that is that.

So YANBU having a destination wedding, if you would like one. Italy is lovely!
But on the same vein, YABVVU to be annoyed/ upset/ let down if guests can’t attend due to whatever reason. Be that a dog/ child care/ work/ money whatever, that’s their perogative.

I have worked with people who have refused to go on work trips because they don’t travel without their husband. It’s always women. I have never worked with a man who wouldn’t go away without his wife.

i just find it strange.

I have also read very angry posts from women whose boyfriend or husband hasn’t been invited to a wedding. Like you they argue it’s about celebrating love so their love should also be recognized and celebrated😂. I suppose everyone is different / but I have never heard a man get so emotional about it. You accept or decline. It’s just an invitation not a personal attack.

I hate save the date too. It always comes across as a bit of an order for me to do this😂

'It would just be parents, grandparents and siblings that’s it.'

and already other people have said no - 'A few people said no due to finances or fear of flying '

so including your close sibling, how many are a few that have said no ?

Pet sitters charge at least £30 per night. Not a poor excuse in my opinion.

Just asking. I find it odd that someone wouldn’t go on a holiday to a wedding with their immediate family unless their partner came too. It’s a short break. With very close family.

from your response I’m no clearer! Of course you enjoy spending time with your partner - but does that mean you can never ever be apart?

or is it offense that the partner wasn’t invited?

I hate the save the date thing too. Someone sent me a save the date thing once, so I did, and I turned down a paid gig which was very well paid and then I didn't get an invite in the end because she'd decided she wanted a smaller wedding.

No more saving the date for me until there's an actual invite.

I think a big issue is not allowing partners. Most couples have joint money so they'd have to use a big chunk of the joint money and annual leave to attend your wedding. I think most couples would rather use their shared money and annual leave for a holiday with their partners. I certainly would and I'm definitely not someone who has to do everything with my DH. In fact, I'm very independent but our money and annual leave is limited so I couldn't justify spending thousands of pounds on just me abd therefore limiting holiday options with DH.