I don’t like shy children

She said it’s because they don’t smile at her or want to play when she asks them and it makes her sad that they might not like her as their face and the way they act looks like that

Teach your daughter that she can’t tell other children that they should smile at her, play with her or talk to her if she wants to.

Friendship and interaction is a two way street. We sometimes simply don't like certain characteristics in people, including demanding & bossy. The sooner she understands this, the less disappointing life will be and the. Rejection by others (and that's what your daughter is referring to) is a hard pill to swallow.

Do you use the comment "oh she's just shy" when a child doesn't want to play to excuse them? Maybe to try and say to your child not to be upset.

Because at an age when a child says, without knowing it's not really acceptable, "I don't like x-types of children" is not an age I think my DC would have categorised children into shy/not shy.

If it is, maybe you are trying to protect her feelings by saying it's the other child being shy, but she hasn't really got the right meaning. To her it's just a child who doesn't want to play.

All she has to do to not be a bully is not be cruel to them.

Ahh the old just say it as I see it excuse. I hate that being trotted out as an excuse. I was shy and still am to a degree and won’t apologise for it. It IS unkind to be judgemental like that. I’m not there to change my personality to suit extroverts.

she will be a bully if she is not taught that people can be shy for different reasons,

It's interesting, though, how it's acceptable to do the opposite. There's quite a few people being frankly awful about this little girl. If we reversed this, and the post was about a quiet, shy child who said 'I don't like loud/chatty people' I doubt very much we'd be seeing all the posts about how unkind the shy child is.

In fact, any time we do get a post from someone discussing their colleagues who talk, it's always pretty much how awful and vacuous extroverts are, how insensitive, how they think the world is about them.

I was a talkative child because I was very nervous. It was like a sort of panic-gabble. I was told off for it constantly, made to feel ashamed, etc. I wasn't an extrovert, just a nervous chatterer, but if it had been extroversion, it wouldn't have helped. When I was growing up, it wasn't an extrovert's world for little girls at all. All I heard was sit down, shush, stop talking. Quiet girls were 'good'. I wasn't deliberately being naughty. I didn't mean to annoy people.

The stupid thing was, I could spend hours at home obsessively reading on my own, and actually preferred my own space.

But in all these conversations, I am always reminded of how quiet girls were 'good girls' all those years ago, and can't help feeling a little sad that we still seem to want to shut girls up.

cause i have an honest opinion? funny how certain people can be honest but your lips start flapping when others do it, hating someone because there shy? i bet your english..

There wasn't anything in the OPs post that suggested her child was a bully.

I am pretty shy, quiet and passive.
I often find loud, "leader" type children and adults, annoying.
however recently I've wondered whether it's actually that I'm a bit jealous of their self confidence.

Actually you sound like a bully so check yourself.

the op quoted on the post" i dont like shy children" i am expressing an honest opinion but you seem to be buthurt now?

No i think the truth needs to be told no excuses for bullying of any kind

I prefer quiet people to overly loud, garrulous people. There was one of those on a course I was on a few years ago and she was exhausting. Fortunately after a while the tutor would tell her politely to STFU for a bit and let others speak. And I did have some sympathy as she said actually her insecurity made her loud, and to her credit she was quieter when told to be.

I think it's great that she can express herself to you and I kind of get what she means. It is hard for children to interact with those who are shy and less communicative but I also think this is the first step for her to learn to be more understanding, with your help.

Your DD isn’t wrong for having a preference. I don’t particularly like extroverted people who never seem to know when to shut up 🤷‍♀️

As long as she’s kind to them, I can’t see an issue. We’re all allowed to have likes and dislikes when it comes to the people we want to spend time with.

Totally understand where your daughter is coming from if she's young and still takes other children's actions at face value, she has time to learn how to interact with different personalities and think about why some people might seem a bit odd to her. If she's friendly and kind, just a conversation about why some children might be shy, and she doesn't need to feel sad or bad about herself just because other kids don't seem as ready to chat/play as she is, should help?

Going off on a tangent here but I've seen quite a few threads where people equate being shy/quiet with thinking you're important. I was a very shy, quiet child. It stemmed firstly from a teacher who was very critical of me and accused me of things I hadn't done, making me feel stupid and want to be invisible/ disappear. Then, just as I felt I was losing the shyness and becoming more socially confident, I started getting bullied - which made me feel worthless and I became even more quiet than before, thinking I had nothing to offer anyone and again, wishing I wasn't there. I see shyness is a form of egotism as it comes from a belief everyone is looking at you, but some forms of bullying really do make you feel like you're a pariah who everybody stares at and makes fun of. Especially when you have people who are supposed to be your best friends, telling you how stupid, ugly and embarrassing you are and pointing out when people are laughing at some aspect of your appearance of behaviour. I know that's a self pitying ramble but I want to address the idea that people who are shy, quiet or both always believe they're cerebral and special and think they're superior to others. IME, it's so far away from the truth.

I could have written this post, though my DD is not old enough to say she doesn’t like shy children. She’s always trying to make friends with random children when we are out and sadly often gets rebuffed by other girls, oddly though(?), boys seem to be more accepting and will happily play with her or let her play with them. She’s not rough or boisterous but she is confident and excited and I guess doesn’t conform to stereotypical little girl behaviour. That sounds sexist but the girls we encounter are generally more reserved and want to play quietly, and have things just so when they’re doing role play etc. It’s interesting to observe even at this young age.

Fortunately she’s quite popular at her pre-school, despite only going a few hours a week, and has a lot of friends who are girls and I guess similar to her. They are older though, which is interesting. I think this is because she chats 19 to the dozen and they can interact with her better than 2-3 year olds. I do worry for her when she starts school but luckily there’s a while to go yet.

Also, as an adult, I find conversation with shy people hard work. Possibly she’s referring to a similar feeling.

Either way it’s ultimately no big deal.

I agree with this and I have a very shy child. Ultimately children are trying to read signals and if the signals that they are getting is are unfriendly ones it's understandable that they might then be reluctant to approach.
I have to do a fair bit of work with my shy child as sometimes they can expect other kids to do all the work of walking up, saying hello and starting an interaction. Eh can come home from an activity upset that nobody spoke to them.... But they didn't speak to anybody and their body language gave off 'don't talk to me' vibes!!

Totally fine to be shy but also not fair to claim other children weren't friendly to you,... When you stood in the corner scowling and never said a word to anyone.

I think kids are just navigating social situations and we can't expect them to start overanalysing situations wondering whether to try again with a child because maybe they are shy....

I think it would be very different if she was saying mean things to the shy children. That I would be quite strict about.

A preference or an opinion is fine.

The amount of overreacting in these comments is insane. It’s okay for your daughter to express her feelings to you, what she said is valid and is interesting to get an insight into her perspective. Personally I wouldn’t turn that into a huge lecture about how she needs to be so much kinder and bla bla
At the end of the day she can prefer the type of personalities she prefers, everyone is different

OP never said her daughter is treating the shy children badly or being rude or mean, she just shared this opinion.

I have a child with socially anxiety and selective mutism and it's okay if an extroverted child doesn't want to interact with him as long as they are kind about it.

We have had 1 too many children say mean things in front of him and parents just going along with their kids cruelty towards him. It's hard putting interventions in place when you come across this.

Parents need to educate their children that everyone is different and it's okay not to get along with everyone but there is no need for being unkind.

OP, I appreciate your daughter said this to you in what sounds like to be closed doors but next time it might not be and she may just well be that unkind kid who sets another one back.

@beAsensible1 we are okay with other children approaching my child and attempting to interact with them, that's the reason we are there, to help him, socially, what is not okay if someone is quite vocally mean about it, especially in front of him.

I agree with Lulu that a chat is needed here. About other children, you. I was a content child, am outgoing but also an ambivert, all my closest friends are introverts and that I can find that hard, fortunately Dh and the ds's are quite outgoing.

One of mine is shy but confident in herself. She can stand infront of her whole achool and say lines in a play confidently but struggle to ask a group of kids if they want to play. She finds kids like yours (including her brother) annoying at the best of times. I just tell her that there are lots of different people out there, sometimes people talk a lot and then the same person can have quiet periods. She decides how much she wants to play with other kids and if she says she's had enough or they are too loud or too much for her then I understand.

Your child is only stating how she feels. Other than telling her some people take a while to come out of themselves I don't think there is anything else you can do.

I'm not an endless talker, was definitely shy when I was little but have always had an inner confidence. I struggle with small talk but did hours of debate through, high-school, college and uni. Even now I'm sure of myself, happy with my own company but just not a massive talker or loud. I think people can think I come across as aloof but I'm just shit at small talk.

Part of child development is figuring out friendship and play.

asking someone if they want to play etc is a normal child interaction. I don’t get why everyone is being so weird /nasty about it.

one Child approaching another isn’t jabbering or encroaching. No wonder so many kids lack social skills. If this much vitriol is applied to basic interaction.