I don’t like shy children

Use this as a learning opportunity for your daughter to demonstrate empathy and that the world does not revolve around her

And? There will be people all through her life she clicks with and others she doesn’t. She doesn’t have to “not like them”. Teach her a life lesson.

I have thought about that, because I struggled so much with it. It wasn't an active choice and I felt awful about it.

I'm 50 now and still find social situations with people I don't know difficult in case I talk too much, though I learned to read cues much better.

I delved into it for a bit, there's other traits I have. But I came to the conclusion that at my age, I wouldn't gain much from a diagnosis.

But it's worth reiterating that ND comes in all shapes and sizes, and the way some people talk about 'extroverts' shows as little understanding as the opposite does.

Some of the 'quiet' girls bullied the heck out of me at school, and I learned early on that nobody believed that the girls who rarely spoke up in class were capable of anything other than being sweet and lovely.

Thank you, though, I'm quite touched by your consideration that, as a 'talker', I might have had issues of my own.

This. Perhaps your daughter could bring her own personality down a bit when she sees another child is hesitant. I have become more comfortable over the years with being in social situations. I'm good at chatting and mingling and all that social stuff. I am still wary of the "oooh I'm mad me" "ooo I'm a real party person, you're in for a craaaayzeee time with me " people. Some people ( children also) take time to warm up, to feel comfortable. Perhaps you could help your daughter to work on that. Real friendships come from empathy not being the biggest personality in the room.

It is lovely being around people who, whether quietly or more noisily, just genuinely and whole-heartedly enjoy being around others.

Spot on

Again, shyness has nothing to do with introversion. You could be shy and an introvert, but you could also be socially confident and an introvert.

And the OP’s daughter is just vocalising something a lot of people think, in my experience. My mother brought up all her daughters to be shy, because she thinks other women people like shyness in girls and women, and there’s nothing she dislikes like female self-confidence. So we were taught that ‘nice behaviour’ involved not making eye contact, never speaking without being spoken to, and whispering ‘I don’t know’ anytime we were asked a question about what we would like to do/eat etc.

In my mother’s head, this was guaranteed ‘nice’ and would mean other people liked us/found us unthreatening, coaxed us out of our shells, wanted to play with us, and invited us to things. Obviously, that didn’t happen. Adults and children found monosyllabic, whispery, blushing girls who looked as if they hated every second extremely dull and very hard work, and went off after people who actually talked and didn’t look as if they were being crucified.

And again, it’s nothing to do with extroversion or introversion. I’m definitely an introvert, in that I need a lot of alone time, but I’m a sociable and socially confident one, now that I’ve shed my childhood scripts about shyness being what a nice girl did.

This
this is something that you need to work on with your daughter .

This is why I don't really relate to a lot of other introverts myself. As someone who spends their energy being social I much prefer easy company rather than using up even more energy trying to get someone out of their shell.

I think everyone is different and that's ok. Some people are less good at non-verbal communication so they will struggle to connect with someone that doesn't talk much.

Why do you keep saying "hate" when the child said "not like"? They are entirely different things. If you "don't like" someone you nod, smile politely and move on, you don't persecute them and try and make their lives miserable; you just feel that you have little reason to interact with them.
It's odd in someone with such a self-proclaimed attachment to honesty to be deliberately misrepresenting the OP in this way.

I can totally see it from both sides.

I'm an introvert. I always really struggled through school, and my shyness definitely impacted my life. I was the child who stood in a corner at birthday parties, to afraid to join in with the games.

Now I am an adult, I can see how and why other children would have been frustrated with me.

My daughter has always been shy too, and it also impacted her. She did have friends throughout school, but they would often become frustrated with her.
One of her friend's mums actually lost her patience with my daughter when she went to their house for tea (dd would have been about 7) and snapped at her "For goodness sake, talk to me!"

I think for me as an introvert, it is hard to imagine being blessed with confidence. I would love to be able to have that natural ability to chat to people (I mean I do chat to people, but I'm better on a one to one. I have always really struggled with group chat).

Equally, I can appreciate that it must be hard for more confident people to fully understand how hard it is for shy people to step outside their comfort zone.
What comes naturally to some, is a real battle for others.

Talk to your daughter about other people's feelings and how everyone is different. Children need to be taught to be empathetic.
I was also a very shy child and looking back I didn't have many friends my teenage years were particularly lonely

As a parent with a child who has selective mutism, it's okay if a child comes over and tries to chat to him. As long as your child is kind if they don't get a response, that is all that matters.

Not saying you have it or this is the case for all extrovert girls, but girls talking constantly or misreading other social cues can be an ADHD symptom.

Intriguing thread.

Introverts can be hard work. I live with two, and they can often be quite absorbed by their discomfort or otherwise rather than considering everyone’s needs.

As an extrovert I find it easier to be with people that are easy to talk to, and actively enjoy the company of others. I can sometimes sense the judgement of shy people, and perhaps even their displeasure if they are not enjoying themselves.

I wonder if your dd feels this op?

OP, I wouldn't worry too much about this. As your DS gets older, she will get better at a) finding her people, and b) learning to interact with others in a way that suits them both. What she needs to learn in the meantime is to be kind and respectful towards others and to respect their boundaries. And others need to learn that in their behaviour towards her as well.

My older one is not shy in the least and has developed a kind of radar for zeroing in at the playground on those children who actually want to play with him and run around with him, while disregarding those who don't want to play. It's a very useful skill to have, to be able quickly to work out who sees the world in the same way that you do and befriend them. But equally I've done a few favours in terms of playdates and childcare lately for parents of children he doesn't gel particularly well with, and actually it has been useful for him to take a step back and think about others' viewpoints and try to find things that the other child might like that aren't things he'd usually do.

My child is extremely outgoing & will approach any other adult or child, and expect a response. Not everybody loves it…

I'm glad your DD is confident. As with adults some are very forward whereas others prefer to be cautious.

Just say for now: don’t judge a book by its cover. Lots of friendly people are nasty and use their charm to use or manipulate, and vice versa. Anyone can be anything. You need to take time to uncover before you trust anyone really.

Don’t be so ridiculous. She’s a child and obviously lacks the vocabulary and understanding to express what she’s actually feeling. I think it’s more likely that she doesn’t know how to respond or behave around shy children than that she “doesn’t like them”. But when vocabulary is limited, so are thoughts and feelings. She’ll understand this more as she gets older.

Ffs she's a little girl 🤣✋

@SordidSplendour 'procouscous' is one of the best typos I've ever seen.

I will be using it in place of precocious now. 😄

This made me actually LOL!

Maybe these children don’t want to play?

Exactly. So why are you deliberately escalating to ‘hate’?

Sad, weird behaviour. This post is obviously hugely triggering for you but to use that as an excuse to be horrible about a kid is wild.