I don’t like shy children

It’s another form of social anxiety it isn’t about being liked but a fear of being disliked or judged and overthinking interactions

Same here. Mine would do a “talk to the hand” action, or turn her face away, which came across as rude.

I agree with @ComtesseDeSpair — shyness can indeed be deeply self-absorbed. The person is often more likely to be thinking about how they’re coming across and planning what they’re going to say next, rather than paying attention to the other person, and the effect is exactly the same as being around someone who is arrogant and self-absorbed, because in neither case is the person actually really listening to, or seeing, the other person in the conversation.

I totally agree with this.

Too many people need to be "liked" by everyone they meet - why? It's incredibly unrealistic and just sets you up for disappointment.

You can still suffer from social snxiety and be an extrovert - and I would say the fact she takes these things personally and that it is about not liking her (rather than just not wanting to play) and they are making judgments about her

Shyness is a self absorbed and self-important emotion?!
Wow! Aren’t your views very self-absorbed and self-important!

Extroverts who insist on filling space with their chatter and energy, regardless of how welcome it is, could be described in exactly the same way.

Everyone is different and interacts in the world in their own way. The judgment needs to stop, and this young girl has opened a convo with the OP which needs to be turned into a learning opportunity.

I think I would view ‘I like this person’ as positive, ‘I don’t like this person’ as negative, and ‘I’m indifferent to this person’ as neutral. However, this is from an adult perspective - I don’t think six year olds necessarily have that nuance.

Oh xenophobic and acting like a bully. Also can't seem to understand how capital letters work.

This is one of the many wonderful things about children. They help you consider things about yourself and have more empathy for another perspective.

The important lesson for your DD is that we’re all different and some people are less outgoing. It’s important to understand this and keep being friendly and inclusive to them, e.g. asking them to join in.

However, if people are shy to the point of being rude or unfriendly, it’s OK to feel uncomfortable. But important not to take it personally or dislike them for it. Empathy and kindness are the important thing. It doesn’t mean you have to hang out with people you struggle to get on with.

Do people think there's a neutral ground between "I like this person" and "I don't like this person" because to me, it's a binary. Liking someone is positive, don't like is neutral. But is seems that many feel "don't like" is negative.

For those who do, what would they say for people in that middle ground? Or would they say they "like" someone they are completely ambivalent about?

I think everyone is entitled to like who they want, providing they treat everyone with respect. It's okay to want extraverted friends!

Having said that, I was chronically shy as a child. As in, I couldn't say hello without going to bits, couldn't order in a restaurant, etc. Ironically, I'm now in a job that involves excellent communication skills lol (mental health nurse!), but I'm still socially shy. Or, it's more I'm a bit awkward than shy. I come across a bit offbeat/eccentric, but I am neurodivergent.

I used to really appreciate the people who were so extraverted they didn't mind my shyness. Once I get to know you I never shut up tbh, but I'm just poor at the initial stages!

Also, it's absolutely okay to be shy. It would be pretty boring if we were all the same, and I often think shy people are quite gentle in nature. I make sure to always speak to quieter/shy people and make an effort, because I know how lonely it used to feel. I think we should all teach our kids the same :)

Why not? Do you like them? If you don't, you don't like them.

What's wrong with not liking someone? Or not clicking with someone?
I'm very choosy about who I like. Most people are pleasant enough, I can do pleasantries easily. But my closest friends I choose. Many people won't like us either, accepting that is key. Why is this such an issue?

So she sees other people only in relation to her self? Plus maybe thry think she is boisterous and obnoxious?

I am neither show nor outgoing same as my child, but one of the positives about my child which I feel I am similar is we take people as we find them on their terms not our own

She could be mixing up 'don't like' with 'I'm not comfortable' because she's a kid still learning to put words to feelings and can't yet articulate them fully. She's thinking about the way it makes her feel, which is good, but hasn't yet made the jump to realising that the other child isn't doing it to make her feel bad.

It depends on why you don’t like someone. I tend to not like people who are rude to me or selfish or abrasive. Being shy doesn’t make someone a bad person and therefore not enough for me to say “I don’t like them”. You can choose to interpret in whatever way you want to. There’s lots of people I come across who I don’t click with but I wouldn’t say I don't like them.

She's not kind.

By defnition she doesn't like them, if she doesn't click with them. You are placing an interpretation on the words "don't like" that is unwarranted.

Ther's lots of people I don't like that I respect to a reasonable degree and interact civilly with when necessary. I still don't like them. They don't know that, and they wouldn't care.

if a really shy kid said they didnt really like boisterous loud kids, I dont think people would say it was unkind.

Shy people dont always want to be befriended by the super confident ones. Its ok.

I think shes saying that she finds shy children hard to read and therefore hard work. Im sure she doesnt hate people for being shy.
You dont say how old she is, but I think "dont like" is quite a catch all phrase for a lot of nuanced feelings in kids.

@JudasTree I meant more the way some users were quick to snap at OP’s child.

I was - hell, still am - a painfully shy kid and never felt entitled to other people talking to me, though. Every kid copes with their shyness differently.

Depending on her age I would try and explain to her a bit about how people are not just one thing, ie, ‘children can sometimes feel shy, sometimes feel outgoing etc.’ and how she can feel some empathy if a child is feeling uncomfortable in a situation.

So true. Like when someone says whilst smiling, “we must have coffee together one day” and you know they don’t have any intention of doing so😂

For instance, I notice a weird kind of entitlement in some ‘Nobody talks to me at school pick-up’ posts on here, as though the onus is always on the other people to include them, having somehow intuited that standing alone means they are desperate to talk and in fact have a heart of gold under an uninterested-looking exterior. I’m not suggesting they don’t, obviously, but it’s expecting an awful lot of total strangers to intuit how you’d like to be treated, and decide whether ‘monosyllabic’ means ‘Go away, not interested, just here to pick up child and get on with my day’ or ‘I’m desperate to talk to you but crippled by extreme shyness’, and, if they decide the latter is the case, to persevere with someone who gives every indication of wishing they’d sod off.

I agree with this, if you come across as unapproachable unintentionally then it's not really fair to judge people for leaving you out. For every person who would welcome someone initiating a conversation there would likely be 5 that hated it and claimed it made them feel uncomfortable. It's fine to be however you are and no one should feel they need to change, but people will react to it.