I don’t like shy children

Maybe they're not shy, but realise you think they're a "pain in the arse" and therefore want nothing to with you?

Yeah you’re probably giving out this negative energy so why do you think you are deserving of these peoples attention.

Often I find shy people a pain in the arse. I want to say “ For God’s sake, what do you think is going to happen to you if you say a few words? Don’t be so bloody soft!”
Only adults, however. I don’t feel like this about shy children. As for your daughter, don’t worry about it. She is simply learning about other people.

The beginning of your post is confusing and not completely clear.
I gather that was her opinion on children who are more reserved & more shy?
i don’t know how old your child is, but this is where you step in and speak to her about different personalities, different types of families, or how past experiences may make a child more shy. Draw on your own experience as a shy child/young adult. She’s learning about the world around her, and that’s ok. Having a goo Understanding of others is key x

I think everyone is reading into this way too much. OP’s DD is a child of unknown age (unless I have missed it in the updates? I have RTFT but can’t see an age update.) I really don’t think it is likely that a child is thinking that much into the language they are using. As I said previously, it’s far more likely that she doesn’t have the vocabulary to explain why she feels uncomfortable around children who are less expressive than her. Perhaps she finds it difficult to read them and this makes her feel uncertain. Perhaps she (wrongly) assumes that the lack of interaction from shy children means that they don’t “like” her, ergo she doesn’t “like” them. It could be a plethora of things, but I think pinning it down to her being unkind or cruel is a major stretch.

Dislike is different. Dislike is actively negative, and is the word you should use if you have negative feelings.

"I like him" is the opposite of "I dislike him"

"I don't like him" and "I don't dislike him" both mean you have no feelings.

I disagree quite strongly with this analysis.

if I “don’t like“ someone that is a negative feeling.

No feelings would be just not liking or disliking but feeling neutral.

All three states are possible upon meeting someone.

Like is a feeling,. if you don't have it, that's having no feelings.

You don't have to go into how you feel about people, this is semantics.

You think "don't like" means something more than "don't + like", that is, just an absence of the feeling of liking. I dispute that and say "don't like" means exactly what it says - I do not have liking for you, therefore I have no feeling.

Well, depends how old they are

But that's because you're an adult looking at kids from an adult point of view. Children have much lower benchmarks for friendship - most of them just need to be able to talk to / share / joke with some of the time and are often happy just being in the same room as their friend provided they're being recognised in some way. A child incapable of giving the bare minimum of interaction in a friendship isn't going to be popular.

My daughter said the same thing. I thought it was fair - you can't like everyone and as a girl I think it's important to teach her that she doesn't need to be friends (or even talk to) people she doesn't like.

How old is your DD? I find most children of a young age are shy around people they don’t know.

I was also a shy(ish) child and felt more shy around overly confident children.

as an adult, when young children are overconfident I find it a little annoying (gentle comment) as in I don’t particularly enjoy children coming up to my table in a restaurant chatting and their parents don’t take them away.

I don’t think your daughter is being very unkind but I think it would be a good time to say you were a shy child and there are all different types of children and that’s fine :)

don’t put yourself down for being shy/introverted, it’s just the way you are and there are sooo many benefits and qualities of introverted people

I might start by explaining to her about different types of personalities: introvert, extrovert, shy, outgoing. I’m not particularly shy anymore, but I am an introvert and I was an incredibly shy child. shyness in children is quite often fear-based.

now that I’m an adult I realise that what other people think of me is none of my business and I’ve learned to be less self absorbed. You have a Headstart because you said that you were a shy child yourself - tell her about your experience. It would’ve been helpful if you had mentioned your child’s age.

At what age does name-calling a child become ok?

I don't agree. No feelings towards you is the neutral position. If I am introduced to someone, I don't feel anything or have any judgement towards them initially. It is only after I have had a chat with them I will formulate an estimate of who they are and how they think, even then most of the time there is insufficient information to do that. Don't like you means there is something about you that triggers negative emotions in me. Like you means there is something about you that triggers positive emotions in me. The extremes of negative and positive emotion stimulation translate into hate and love.

I don't even know what that means.

They're not her kind of people. That's fine. As long as she's not being actively unkind to them then she doesn't have to like them. Shy kids aren't like shy adults who know how to be polite even if they are quiet. If you had a work colleague who completely blanked you when you spoke to them, refused to answer direct questions, and walked away if you tried to interact with them, you probably wouldn't like them either.

I think the thread has moved on a bit. Going on the OP’s posts, I’d be interested to know what has triggered the OP’s daughter saying this. Is she routinely paired with a very quiet child at school with the expectation that she will be able to “bring them out of their shell”? Or exhorted to play with a quiet, whispery child who won’t make eye contact so the parents can chat? This won’t have come out of nowhere.

See I think there is a lot of trial and error with socialisation before you find what works for you. For example I suit verbal communication with straight forward back and forth conversation best. I'll try to talk to anyone I'm put with socially but will struggle with very quiet or monosyllabic because I don't like just talking at someone and getting no feedback.

There is only so much headspace I'll spare to ponder the reasoning for behaviour in someone that I don't know well.

The only difference between someone like me and the 6 year old here is that she has yet to learn the vocabulary to explain herself in a way that sounds more palatable.

I see your point, but still feel the phrase has judgemental associations, even if you don't use it in that way.

Perhaps "absorbed by struggling with anxiety or fear" is more accurate.

Either way, it's all the more reason to empathise with a shy person, as it can clearly cause that cycle you describe, makimg it far harder for them to experience the positive interactions needed to overcome their shyness.

I agree with @phoenixrosehere, on the rare occasion I have to catch the train to London I read the metro, or close my eyes, peace and quiet, no engaging with anyone. Bliss.

Probably is for some, but I think many people don’t care and are more concentrated on trying to get from point A to point B instead of if some random stranger smiled back at them.

It is something I never understood, especially when it comes to people at work (depending on the field).

The people I knew that were considered “introverted” were completely different outside of work and those who were actually introverted, they still acknowledged and/or said good morning but I wouldn’t expect them to have a full conversation especially if they’re working or we both are.

I think there is a balance that can be had but it is telling when some people expect others to be a certain way to make them feel better or to entertain them for their benefit without thinking if the other person desires it.

This, absolutely!

Oh, I agree. I was just referring to the posts upthread where some posters were almost offended that other people didn’t return their smiles or “hellos”.

I must have offended countless people over the years if not smiling back in public is now considered rude 🤣