Adult children don’t call or message much

I speak to daughter most days ,she has a newborn and 5 yr old so lots to talk about,I see her twice a week,1 son lives in London( he was in Vancouver for a year ,last year and called every 2 weeks) or FaceTimed on his way to work.He calls once a week and see him every few weeks, other son in Australia.
We speak every couple of weeks but I generally wait for him to call ,because I then know he actually wants a good chat ! Time difference is ok at the moment,only 9 hours ahead.
We have family WattsApp and we put pictures ie new baby etc and any other news on it,boys talk football ( both Arsenal supporters ) . Find the WattsApp engages son in Australia and he is still in the family loop!
OP I agree with other PP that daughter could be so far away she is homesick or just feeling a bit detached through no fault of your own .

If I spoke to my mother once every few weeks that would be enough, we have nothing really to talk about and I wouldn’t really tell her anything personal that is going on in my life as she is a terrible gossip

Agree that you splitting with her dad is behind this no contact. She thinks you're lying about her dad. Is she in contact with him? He's probably told her a pack of lies about you.

I wouldn't worry about it too much - I moved to Australia in my mid twentys for a bit of time and I don't think I gave anyone back home a second thought as I was too busy enjoying a new adventure. That's not to say I don't love them but I always assume that unless I hear otherwise, everyone is fine and I don't need to worry. Once I got a bit older I've gotten much better at being in contact and probably speak to or see my parents once every couple of weeks if I can.

And there's the reason for it.

She has no idea what he did, so she dislikes you for breaking up the family and leaving the dad she thinks is amazing.

An awful lot of people don’t like (hate) WhatsApp groups, try texting them individually

Yes at that age I was just so wrapped up in my own life and my friends and interests that my parents just didn’t cross my mind at all.

What contact does she have with her actual father?

Seems to me she sees you as a 'bad guy'

Does your son have an opinion? Do they keep in touch with each other?

I would find that amount of messaging way too much. I mean, what happens within the space of 3 days or so that you need to message her again?

Unfortunately, mums are not alway “precious”. I am absolutely NOT saying this is true for op. But it is for some of us who have sporadic contact with our mothers.

@lljkk I’m a similar age to you and moved abroad at 23. We had a weekly phone call, it was expensive back then!

Technology has transformed everything. DH is from a large family and his siblings are in different time zones (13 hours is the biggest difference). They have a weekly Zoom call with their parents. Sometimes not everyone can make it, of course.

This isn’t normal. My adult DC live hours away but we message each that often and FaceTime weekly and have always done since uni.

having nice bedroom does not mean a good bringing.

Peace, security and safety as well as love are all what we want and need n growing up and it sounds like your DD had a tough time. I also wonder if she is being isolated and abused by her husband?

Well your DD doesn't understand the full reasons why you left her dad, and has told you you're lying about him. I mean, that's pretty key, isn't it? I understand it's difficult knowing how or if to tell her the full truth, but unless she knows the full truth, she clearly will maintain this confusion around why you split up and a sense of distrust.

She has a commute to work by train, and there is no way that a 26 year-old is staring into space instead of being on their phone.
The last thing I want to do after a day staring at my computer is look at my phone on my commute! I usually read a book or stare out of the window & listen to something. Definitely not the only one not on a phone.

As pp stated, I just understand my dc are ‘consumed’ by their lives. It’s really hard as I’m divorced so that contact with them means a lot. You’re not in an unusual situation and it’s not personal.

Just a different slant. Do you think she is ok?

When I was abroad I missed home and my family so much, that I couldn't call. It just made me so sad and I didn't want to worry them by showing it.

My DM still tells everyone that ‘ I went away and didn't care enough to be in touch’ - how wrong she is.

And you don’t think the fact that she thinks you’ve lied about her dad being abusive and that she thinks the sun shines out of his arse has something to do with her lack of contact?

I have a sibling who doesn't bother contacting or replying to any of us in the family so from my experience this is normal unfortunately. No doubt she'll be back when she wants something. I would take a step back for a bit and try and focus on your own friends and interests.

I’m in my 40s, no WhatsApp etc back when I was at uni, but I used to email my parents a lot.

possibly daily, maybe a bit less. Certainly every week.

since the advent of WhatsApp I message them every day. Just general chat, memes etc.

I suppose every family is different though and you just fall into the habits that you create.

it doesn’t sound like she wants more contact though, so I’m not sure how you could change that.

In my 20s I wasn’t contacting my mum weekly and there was no expectation of a prompt response to her messages
I was doing my thing. In fairness 20s is tumultuous. Uni.Career. Studying, relocating.
By all means maintain regular contacts but just don’t expect timely responses
Developmentally in 20s parents are usually a steady relationship that one doesn’t always nurture. Because you don’t feel you have to. Don’t always see parents as individuals with needs,preferences and an identity beyond yourself

Sorry but everyone can sit here and tell you they spoke to their mum daily/ weekly/fortnightly in their 20s etc, and that’s still not relevant to your situation or appropriate for you to use as a yardstick.

She’s most likely got her reasons and I’m sure you know why or have an inkling why she doesn’t and that there’s something deeper which is why you’re posted on here. Don’t think anyone can help you with this. Only you and your daughter know what’s going on and can affect that changing.

When you actually manage to talk on the phone (not text), do you listen to what your daughter has to say to you? Or do you start telling her about what Mavis down the road has been up to? I stopped speaking to my parents as often in my 20s as they talked at me and didn't seem to let me speak about what was going on in my life. Telling me what Margaret has been up to made me rage because it seemed like they didn't care. She might be having a difficult time and find it hard to tell you what is going on. Time difference is also going to be an issue too.