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Original poster

To think that parents shouldn't do this on behalf of their teens?

218 replies

bumblebee1987 · 18/04/2025 19:19

I have my own dog grooming business which is very popular with people wanting work experience/part time work, largely because it is mostly a lovely job involving lots of contact with dogs and puppies, so I completely understand the appeal with young people!

However, the vast majority of work experience/part time job requests that we receive (usually a few a month, more at certain times of year around school holidays etc), come directly from parents who are searching on behalf of their children. As harsh as it sounds, these are a very kind but immediate no for us. The competition for these placements is high, and I want to hear directly from the teenagers themselves, not their parents. It's great that your 15/16/17 year old is passionate about animals, but I want to hear that from them. I know that this isn't a high flying business, it is just a dog groomers, but it is my business that I have worked hard to establish and I want to know that anyone who I have come in and represent us, wants to be there, and they aren't just there because their parent wants them to be there. If you want me to spend my time replying and arranging a placement etc (which I am more than happy to do, but it IS extra work for me!), then I don't think it is too much to ask that a teen contacts me themselves? I know that teens have to do work experience and that the vast majority of them probably won't end up working in the sort of place where they do their placement, but a little bit of interest wouldn't go amiss, it's a good skill to learn, we dont all land our dream job from day one 🤣

Is this common across the board? I'm 38, but I feel like when I was younger, we were encouraged to do this sort of thing ourselves? I understand it more if it's a work experience placement that is arranged through school, perhaps schools are encouraging parents to seek the placements, I don't know? However if you are searching for paid part time work, surely this has to come from the applicant directly?

I appreciate that perhaps some of the applicants have SEN, but as a SEN parent myself, I would encourage my child to reach out to businesses themselves and would have a hand in guiding them. It's totally fine for parents to help, SEN or not, these are young people and the world of work is new to them, but a bit of independence is important isn't it? I absolutely love hearing from passionate young people directly, I love my job, and am always really happy to spend time speaking to young people about how to get into my industry and opportunities etc, but I want to speak to them! Email, Facebook message, website contact form enquiry, I don't care, you don't need to pick up the phone (I myself have phone anxiety, I totally get it!), but I want to know that you actually want to spend time in my business and are interested!

Maybe I'm being harsh and should review my policy of automatically saying no unless it has come from the young person directly?!

YABU- It's perfectly fine for parents to apply
YANBU- At 15/16/17, teens should be applying themselves.

OP posts:
FedupofArsenalgame · 18/04/2025 22:33

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 22:20

It’s dog grooming. The skills required to groom a dog are night and day compared to navigating the social minefield of applying for placement.

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It doesn't take 2 mins to send a bloody email asking about a job. And dog groomers still need social skills to deal with the owners ( you know who pays) and sort appointments, order in products etc

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 22:32

Hollyaddy · 18/04/2025 22:27

But the op doesn't know they are disabled.

So she isn't filtering them out.

She's just filtering out the applications from mummies for their precious babies who either don't want to work have no interest In Work or cba either way.

In favour of teens who approach her directly and clearly want to work. Are keen and have shown initiative.

Edited
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Her process is designed to filter out students with certain disabilities. It is discriminatory.

She's just filtering out the applications from mummies for their precious babies who either don't want to work have no interest In Work or cba either way.
She doesn’t know that the DC don’t want to work or have no interest in work, she is prejudiced against it.

Ally886 · 18/04/2025 22:32

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 20:13

yabu, you are literally excluding students with SEN that makes it hard for them to approach you independently. Specifically, many students with autism won’t be as socially mature as a 15/16/17 yr old and often require parental support to arrange work experience. A student with dyslexia may be afraid to email you because their spelling is awful and they’re embarrassed of it.

your reasoning is arbitrary and ableist. A parent assisting a DC in finding work experience doesn’t mean the student is being forced into it or that they are not truly passionate.

Oh do pipe down. Everyone I knew at work experience age sorted their own work experience. Surely statistics state a couple should have been SEN? Also if they can't approach adults themselves they certainly can't partake it work experience!

Original poster
bumblebee1987 · 18/04/2025 22:30

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 22:21

“However, if they are expecting to undertake a work placement/paid employment in a business, then they should also be sending the initial e-mail to request that placement.”

The accommodation is to not require every candidate apply independently in order to even be considered for a work placement. Your “should” is your own made up requirement that is discriminatory against certain disabilities.

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Then tell me how I manage it?! I am a small business with no employees, it's just me. Say I accept all of the emails from parents and invite all of the teens for a chat? So I end up considering 6 emails a week, for a maximum of a one week placement every 3 months for one person. How do I decide who to give it to?

OP posts:
Tinysarah1985 · 18/04/2025 22:29

We had one today at work, came in with the daughter and said she wants to do work experience with us. I said to the daughter to email us and put it for the attention of the practice manager, who willhave a look at the request and get back to you. Parent said can you not get practice manager to email us instead as daughteri s too busy ?!?!? Err no, that's not how it works.

FedupofArsenalgame · 18/04/2025 22:29

fashionqueen0123 · 18/04/2025 21:50

Why didn’t she follow you the first time? If she came into the loo how could she not get out?! 😳

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Probably the building not the loo

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 18/04/2025 22:29

PinkyU · 18/04/2025 21:50

This thread has been eye opening and upsetting in equal measure. I could honestly cry.

My daughter is autistic, has a developmental language disorder and is a wheelchair user, she needs a lot of support with a lot of things, but she can contribute and should be able to gain the same opportunities as her non disabled peers irrespective of her needing some support to access it. But apparently her CV would be discarded off hand because she needs help, her interest would be binned immediately and with prejudice because she needs help.

I don’t usually get emotional about strangers online writing stuff but this has really got me, my kid really won’t be given a chance will she?

She should be helped by the school and there are many adaptations as to how experience of work is arranged , when additional help is required. The time in a workplace is just that, work experience, the preparation, the help for those that need it, the parents presentations, are all meant to be part of the programme. When I arranged work experience for those with physical / learning disabilities, we worked with supportive employers, parents, schools in a very different way to that with main stream.pupils. Schools are failing pupils by not following through on the whole programme of work related learning.

Embarrassinglyuseless · 18/04/2025 22:28

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 22:24

I feel just like you and also have a disabled daughter. It’s equal parts heart breaking and enraging.

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But it’s extremely different to receive an email on behalf of a child with learning or social differences.

If prefaced with a well worded explanatory paragraph then that isn’t going to be discounted in the same way. I hope you find people willing to work with you to find the spaces where your daughter can contribute.

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 22:28

Teaandtoastserveddaily · 18/04/2025 21:15

Why couldn't those students get assistance with writing an email and then write it and send it themselves though?

Literally how are these kids going to survive in the workplace if they can't do these basic things.

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Literally how good do you need to be writing emails in order to groom a dog?

Hollyaddy · 18/04/2025 22:27

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 22:19

It can be disability discrimination when a hiring process is set up in such a way that it screens out disabled candidates. The OP’s process is set up that way.

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But the op doesn't know they are disabled.

So she isn't filtering them out.

She's just filtering out the applications from mummies for their precious babies who either don't want to work have no interest In Work or cba either way.

In favour of teens who approach her directly and clearly want to work. Are keen and have shown initiative.

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 22:27

FedupofArsenalgame · 18/04/2025 21:50

Well then they need to learn. If they don't have the confidence to apply they will be useless at the job. Hence no point employing them

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Sorry that is bullshit of the highest order. Many people who need help with the application process are very good at working jobs.

Stephen Hawking would never have made it past primary school with the ableist attitudes displayed on here.

Embarrassinglyuseless · 18/04/2025 22:26

DH employs graduates in relatively competitive training roles. He regularly gets emails from the parents of 21-23 year olds seeking work experience or job opportunities.

If a 22 year old graduate (without significant social and or learning differences) isn’t able to pick up the phone or email themselves… 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 22:24

PinkyU · 18/04/2025 21:50

This thread has been eye opening and upsetting in equal measure. I could honestly cry.

My daughter is autistic, has a developmental language disorder and is a wheelchair user, she needs a lot of support with a lot of things, but she can contribute and should be able to gain the same opportunities as her non disabled peers irrespective of her needing some support to access it. But apparently her CV would be discarded off hand because she needs help, her interest would be binned immediately and with prejudice because she needs help.

I don’t usually get emotional about strangers online writing stuff but this has really got me, my kid really won’t be given a chance will she?

I feel just like you and also have a disabled daughter. It’s equal parts heart breaking and enraging.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 18/04/2025 22:22

Lovelynames123 · 18/04/2025 20:23

Yes, very common, I get lots of parents asking for Saturday jobs for their teens, often their teen is standing next to them completely silent. I would never employ someone who hadn't actually applied themselves

I did have a young girl come in and ask for herself, she was so nervous bless her, but although we didn't have a position available I made sure to tell her how great it was she'd taken the time and built up the courage to enquire herself

I bet she was really proud and couldn’t wait to tell her mum.

You made her Mum’s day!

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 22:21

bumblebee1987 · 18/04/2025 22:20

I'm not asking them to disclose anything, don't be absurd. However, if they are expecting to undertake a work placement/paid employment in a business, then they should also be sending the initial e-mail to request that placement.

If however, they can't and they need specific accommodations, then while I do not need any medical information, I absolutely do need to know what those accommodations need to be, in order to ensure their safety and the safety of the live, unpredictable animals that I work with.

Show quote history

“However, if they are expecting to undertake a work placement/paid employment in a business, then they should also be sending the initial e-mail to request that placement.”

The accommodation is to not require every candidate apply independently in order to even be considered for a work placement. Your “should” is your own made up requirement that is discriminatory against certain disabilities.

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 22:20

FedupofArsenalgame · 18/04/2025 22:17

But will those kids cops with the work if they can't even apply?

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It’s dog grooming. The skills required to groom a dog are night and day compared to navigating the social minefield of applying for placement.

Original poster
bumblebee1987 · 18/04/2025 22:20

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 22:13

Oh no I read that and it is absolutely ridiculous. You are unreasonably expecting parents disclose their DC’s private health information from the very first contact. No one contacting you knows that you are going to just bin their application if it’s not from the young person direct unless they mention the disabilities up front. This is against the Equality Act. No one with disabilities puts all that in there at first contact with a prospective employer.

Show quote history

I'm not asking them to disclose anything, don't be absurd. However, if they are expecting to undertake a work placement/paid employment in a business, then they should also be sending the initial e-mail to request that placement.

If however, they can't and they need specific accommodations, then while I do not need any medical information, I absolutely do need to know what those accommodations need to be, in order to ensure their safety and the safety of the live, unpredictable animals that I work with.

OP posts:
Datgal · 18/04/2025 22:19

I am soooo glad my parents did nothing much to help me regarding work experience etc. I was a shy kid, and still naturally a shy person. But getting out of your comfort zone because there was nobody else to do it for you massively helped build my confidence.
Sorted my own work experience, sorted part time jobs (from 14), buses to places.
I despair for young people now.
If have a shy child especially, please don't do everything for them and thinking you're helping. They need to experience everything.

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 22:19

Hollyaddy · 18/04/2025 22:16

Well it isn't against the disability discrimination act as it's a third party contacting the potential employer.

And obviously if no disability is mentioned how can it be disability discrimination.

Get a bloody grip.

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It can be disability discrimination when a hiring process is set up in such a way that it screens out disabled candidates. The OP’s process is set up that way.

FedupofArsenalgame · 18/04/2025 22:17

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 22:15

No, it is discrimination because while you may screen out a handful of perfectly abled kids whose parents are helicoptering, you are making damn sure you screen out 100% of the SEN kids who absolutely need their parents to make initial contact for them.

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But will those kids cops with the work if they can't even apply?

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 22:17

However, if you are clear about why you are helping, then in my case certainly, I would absolutely bend over backwards to accommodate her.

Yes, well how are they going to know this before contacting you? Mind reading? And you have NO RIGHT to require a disabled candidate or their parent disclose their disabilities just to get an application considered.

Neodymium · 18/04/2025 22:16

I have this problem with my 16 year old - he wants me to do and ask things for him. He has ASD so it is more difficult for him. But I tell him no I can’t contact people and enquire about work experience ect for him.

he sees an occupational therapist once a fortnight and she helps him with these skills. But no I won’t do it.

Hollyaddy · 18/04/2025 22:16

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 22:13

Oh no I read that and it is absolutely ridiculous. You are unreasonably expecting parents disclose their DC’s private health information from the very first contact. No one contacting you knows that you are going to just bin their application if it’s not from the young person direct unless they mention the disabilities up front. This is against the Equality Act. No one with disabilities puts all that in there at first contact with a prospective employer.

Show quote history

Well it isn't against the disability discrimination act as it's a third party contacting the potential employer.

And obviously if no disability is mentioned how can it be disability discrimination.

Get a bloody grip.

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 22:15

bumblebee1987 · 18/04/2025 22:09

Literally, NO ONE has said that. If you send an email on her behalf and don't mention any of the things she struggles with, and a parent of a child who has no struggles also sends one, and both are discarded because they have come from a parent with no mention of anything other then them wanting a job, then it isn't discrimination, they don't even have a clue there are any accommodations that need to be made. However, if you are clear about why you are helping, then in my case certainly, I would absolutely bend over backwards to accommodate her.

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No, it is discrimination because while you may screen out a handful of perfectly abled kids whose parents are helicoptering, you are making damn sure you screen out 100% of the SEN kids who absolutely need their parents to make initial contact for them.

LoremIpsumCici · 18/04/2025 22:13

bumblebee1987 · 18/04/2025 20:19

Evidently you didn't read my whole OP, where I specifically address SEN, and subsequent replies where I have said I am always happy to accommodate specific needs and work with parents in these cases.

I also made it abundantly clear that I have NO issue with parents helping. I'd expect it. Helping is key though, which is entirely different than doing it for them.

Show quote history

Oh no I read that and it is absolutely ridiculous. You are unreasonably expecting parents disclose their DC’s private health information from the very first contact. No one contacting you knows that you are going to just bin their application if it’s not from the young person direct unless they mention the disabilities up front. This is against the Equality Act. No one with disabilities puts all that in there at first contact with a prospective employer.