To be expected to entertain DD 24/7?

My daughter is 4 but not at school yet. I work x4 days so she is at nursery full days. I hate to admit it but i prefer work days as i struggle to get anything done whilst she wants my attention consistently and it becomes frustrating knowing there only you to do it all. I try to tell myself she’s only 4 and before long she’ll not want me as much and try to split time into sitting on floor with her and her toys and then sit her at table with play do or kinetic sand whilst i cook etc I stay up far too late to feel i’ve had down peace but least from september il have 1 day a week where she in school and i can get stuff done

Yep

But seriously apart from in an emergency you cannot wfh and look after a child, most companies have it in contracts. I know people managed during COVID lockdowns but that was exceptional and short term

Other than board games or puzzles I don’t play with my DCs. In the holidays and at weekends we go out as much as possible, there’s been lots of park visits over Easter! But at home they entertain themselves or play together (they’re 7 and 5) I read with them before bed as well and do homework if they have it.

Set her up with activities she can do like crafts, Lego etc or give her a scenario she can fo then show you in an hour or whatever. Mine would play with Lego for hours but the train set needed help. At 4 dd1 was really into dolls houses

There’s a difference between NEVER playing with your child and not entertaining them ‘24 hours a day’.

I get quite pissed off with this guilting over not putting aside hours to play with your child every day. Parents have never really played with their kids until quite recently in the scheme of things, because like your mum they’re busy. Childcare is an enormous task and if there’s 1 aspect they can do by themselves so you can get other stuff done, why not encourage them to do it? Independent play, or play with siblings, is far more beneficial than adult directed play.

We’ve reached this point now where child raising is harder than ever as kids can’t play by themselves, don’t ’play out’ when they get to 8, and in half of cases don’t have siblings to play with, so we have this incredibly intense expectation to not only work and run a house but also play with kids for hours every day. It’s not great for the kids either who are incapable or entertaining themselves or being bored for a while as they constantly have a parent directing them in some kind of play or organised an activity.

Can you book her into another day of nursery so you can get work and other stuff done on that day and then be more available to your DD on the days you are at home with her?

I sympathetic with finding it difficult but I think 4 is quite young to expect her to entertain herself for long

You said you wfh whilst your 4 year old is at home alone with you. That needs to stop. Also, the iPad should be a treat and not used for hours a day. Your dd would benefit from more days at nursery if she wants to play with others.

This is what I was going to say. Has she got things like this, like the fisher price family/house/farm dolls sets, or playmobil people where she can start building a world? Even baby dolls, she can play teacher and set them up in a classroom etc.
Try getting her started so that your role isn’t too big and she can play without you, nip to the toilet and then she’ll be off. If it doesn’t work you could try being a less cooperative playmate so for example diverting from her planned stories etc so she ends up preferring to play by herself? Eg. She says let’s play going to the shops but your baby wants a nap etc.

I get this, it’s hard and I struggle too. But when your child asks you to play, she’s wanting to connect with you.
I have memories of my mum never playing with me and I distinctly remember her prioritising housework. Now, my dad being the generation he was, never lifted a finger, so I also understand why my mum’s focus had to be on cooking and housework. But regardless, it still makes me sad.

Could you think of any shared interests that might make it easier for you to engage with your daughter for longer periods? For example, out of
all the kids play activities I like crafting and baking. So we might go to the shops for ingredients or Hobbycraft to pick up craft supplies and then come home and bake or craft. It’s a good way of stretching the time out too and also gets me out of the house. Now my son is four going in five however, he knows what he does and doesn’t want to do, so sometimes I have to twist his arm to leave the house!

At your Daughter’s age, is she interested in more structured interactive games maybe? We have lots of fun at the moment playing Snap! and Guess Who and it’s entertaining for both of us.

Se needs to learn to play along, which won't happen if she's on the iPad.

You could try something like a jar with some ideas for things to do alone, if she needs help getting started.

One thing to keep in mind is that if we want kids to play along, they need to be allowed to actually do things. Like making a fort with cushions and blankets for example. If everything needs to be kept tidy, she's not allowed scissors or paint or plasticine, etc, she will of course be bored.

The audiobook idea is good in a pp - it's a good thing to listen to while drawing or painting. I like the Winnie the Pooh with Stephen Fry. You could try at a yoto player which would have cards she could use herself easily (though at that age I had my own little record player and a stash or records, can you imagine people giving that to kids now? I was very careful about them though.)

Are you monitoring what she does on the iPad?

Can she do puzzles, colouring, lego rather than being on that?

You shouldn’t be WFH whilst also looking after 4yo. Can you start her off with something and then let her get in with it? Can she be in the same room as you whilst you are doing chores, and you can chat with her whilst she plays and sometimes interact with her game etc

Have never been able to play with my kids tbh, I always just let them get on we with it. The two youngest used to do weird fast talking imaginative games, fascinating lol.

Lots of great ideas on this thread! My DC are teens now, but when I only had one little one, I remember giving her a cloth and getting her to "help" with the polishing, setting her up next to me at the sink so she could wash the spoons while I did the rest of the washing up, having her sit with me at the table while I chopped veg and getting her to put them in the correct pots, I did try giving her a dustpan and brush to do the edges while I hoovered, but she couldn't bear the noise ("It's too loudy Mummy!")! Basically, I did what needed to be done and had her alongside, joining in. Things took longer than they needed to, but it meant less TV and less whinging!

I second the advice from PPs about getting her set up with things, like starting a puzzle, or showing her how to do a craft activity, then doing your own thing while supervising, but not necessarily joining in completely.

I think this is a good point, when my DC is playing I'm usually still in the same area. If I go somewhere else in the house I'll usually be followed after awhile. I think they just like knowing you're around. My DC might ask for me to do something like read a book or play a board game, so I'll say I just have to do a few jobs and then we can do that. Maybe that's something to try, play a bit then do some things, then play a bit again.

I had 3 sons and couldn’t physically get down on the floor with them so at points during the day I’d let them “ help” like pressing the buttons on the washing machine pairing socks etc
set them up with a simple puzzle, perhaps do a few edge pieces then let her fill them in?
No screens when mine were small, but I did put a video episode of Thomas, Tots TV whatever and return
Take them out for a walk or shopping
Would she concentrate on a simple craft? Even threading large beads on a cord?
I think gradually extend time leaving alone, but show interest every few minutes is the key.

I think it's just luck/personality. My DC will happily play by themselves, but not all children are like that. Can you get them involved with things you are doing, they'll probably fond that more fun than toys anyway eg putting away dishes, folding clothes etc Personally I'd stop the ipad, that makes it worse for them to not play and use their imagination I assume as it overstimulates them (speaking from experience).

I never play for more than an hour a day with my 3 and a half year old. Absolutely no way.

You don’t have to play to interact with them. We do craft things together or play with play dough at the kitchen table. He helps me with baking and he likes to help out with some simple chores like putting clothes in the washing machine and putting the powder in. Most of the day we go out to the park, the woods, the beach, go swimming, go on play dates. At home he understands that he can occupy himself with his toys. I’ll sometimes help him build a big train track for half an hour and I’ll happily read books with him for as long as he wants, but I don’t play anything else.

I struggle with this too - my 6 year old DSS cannot play by himself. Even if he’s playing on the Xbox for 15 mins I have to pretend I’m a passenger in the car he’s driving.

At his Mum’s he has 2 brothers but here he’s by himself so I think that’s why and I’m hoping he’ll grow out of it as he gets older but I find if I’m not in the room with him it’s easier as he will occupy himself for a little bit and I try and dip in and out so he gets my attention some of it but not constantly (but it does mean I have to do half a job with say the washing and then go back to it)

I had 5 boys so they did play with each other mostly but youngest was home with me when they were at school and I did play what felt like endless games of top trumps, action figure battles and board games like snakes and ladders, connect 4 and guess who etc 😩 I think it's fine to say, you'll have to play by yourself for half an hour while Mummy clears up the kitchen or she can sit at the table drawing etc while you chat to her if you're doing chores. I would involve her in what you're doing, help fold the laundry, sweep the floor or give her a cloth and let her 'help' clean the bathroom! I wouldn't expect a 4 year old to entertain themselves without your input for long stretches - they are only little and want and need interaction with you.

I did lots of crafts and had my DC join me in fun chores around the house. Lots of things can be a game. We also read a lot and spent time outside.

Dd used love listening to Harry Potter audio (read by Stephen Fry). I kept her to the first book for several years...

I don’t think you should play with her all day. And I don’t think she should be on the iPad a lot. She needs to learn to entertain herself, and to free play. But I also recommend getting her involved in chores - it’s a right hassle but you’ll be glad you did later! They love being involved at this age but leave it too late and it seems to become impossible for them to learn anything new.

You should be in the same room with her and either involving her in your jobs, or else taking an interest in whatever separate activity she is doing. Hopefully she will gradually become more independent.

Same here. I don’t ever remember my mum playing with us, and if we said we were bored we’d be given a job to do.

i think kids need to see you doing housework, partly so they can learn how to do it, and partly so they realise how much needs to be done (and you can involve them in it too, of course). They also need to see you resting and looking after yourself.

I find with DD that she says she wants to play, but she really means she wants to be with me, so actually giving her some housework to do alongside me makes her just as happy as playing with her.