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Original poster

‘D’ H really upset me regarding wedding pics and not looking the like the same person anymore

139 replies

oilump · 18/04/2025 18:26

I’m not sure if I’m being sensitive here but just visiting my parents with my H and kids and my H picked up our wedding album.

I did immediately think, ah why look at it now.

he said to my DD, come and look at when mummy ‘ was ‘ a princess. He then looked up and said ‘ emphasis on ‘ was ‘’.. and did a nasty little laugh. I let it go.

then he was looking at the pics and my dad came by and he said ‘ who is this woman in these pics, I don’t recognise her ? ‘ and laughed. He said it a few times.

I lost him and told him to F off and took the book out of his hands.

he knows how much I struggle with how my body has changed after two kids. He knows how much I’m fighting to look like myself again. He knows how much it hurts every single day and how much I hate myself.

is this really something to laugh about in front of my family ?

I just feel like it’s a massive betrayal.

OP posts:
anonymous98 · 18/04/2025 19:10

fantastiq · 18/04/2025 18:48

Yea but it dosen't make you put on 3 stone and not lose it... the population is just getting fatter and 99% of the time it's just excuses.... let's be honest. Don't make out getting fat is compulsory...and the rest of us are just 'lucky'..

Wow, really helpful comment.

Liondoesntsleepatnight · 18/04/2025 19:09

If you are working out, fit and losing weight your refusal to go to large family gatherings and this reaction makes me wonder if he wasn’t just picking a fight tbh. Good luck with the weight loss journey.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 18/04/2025 19:08

Two things….
He is an absolute arsehole. And I hate comments made about someone to another person or child.
Also - how you talk about yourself is as bad. You are rightly admonishing him for putting you down, but your own words about yourself are just as bad.
And I come from a place of a previous eating disorder and hating my appearance.
So whatever you decide to do about him, what you do
about you matters more. You are already working hard and getting results but it’s time to be kinder to yourself. We all get older. Bodies change. But don’t deny yourself pleasures in life, like wearing a swimsuit on holiday, because of these feelings. Most of us feel
uncomfortable. Your children don’t need a mum who hides herself away in shame - they pick up on it.
You sound like a wonderfully warm person and fantastic mum - give yourself the same kindness you give others.

FridayFeelingmidweek · 18/04/2025 19:03

What an idiot. Make a comment about how long he 'used' to be able to last. That should hit the same nerve. See how he likes it.

Original poster
oilump · 18/04/2025 19:03

I don’t talk about it a lot. Just sometimes. Maybe once every couple of months at most. I keep it to myself but I have been honest about how I feel about myself occasionally.

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 18/04/2025 19:02

SpringIsSpringing25 · 18/04/2025 18:50

My dad would've properly pulled him up on it and told him to leave. Then he would've encouraged me and the kids to stay overnight or as long as we wanted to and told me not to put up with that kind of shit.

I miss my dad ❤️‍🩹

I can imagine my late dad who I miss. He’d have said…
Well you weren’t George Frigging Clooney seven years ago, and you’re certainly not now, knobhead!

Firsttimecommentor · 18/04/2025 19:02

oilump · 18/04/2025 18:26

I’m not sure if I’m being sensitive here but just visiting my parents with my H and kids and my H picked up our wedding album.

I did immediately think, ah why look at it now.

he said to my DD, come and look at when mummy ‘ was ‘ a princess. He then looked up and said ‘ emphasis on ‘ was ‘’.. and did a nasty little laugh. I let it go.

then he was looking at the pics and my dad came by and he said ‘ who is this woman in these pics, I don’t recognise her ? ‘ and laughed. He said it a few times.

I lost him and told him to F off and took the book out of his hands.

he knows how much I struggle with how my body has changed after two kids. He knows how much I’m fighting to look like myself again. He knows how much it hurts every single day and how much I hate myself.

is this really something to laugh about in front of my family ?

I just feel like it’s a massive betrayal.

How plain nasty he is. Secondly I feel for your DD if he is saying that stuff to her. It’s going to stay with her that looks are super important and Daddy is judging Mommy even though she’s birthed two babies. Ridiculous

TonTonMacoute · 18/04/2025 19:01

oilump · 18/04/2025 18:42

What should I do ? My dad took him out because I was so angry.

Show quote history

Well, you need to have a proper conversation about it.

Maybe he's just nasty, maybe he feels you are too down on yourself and is fed up hearing about it, maybe somewhere in between those two extremes.

tachetastic · 18/04/2025 19:01

oilump · 18/04/2025 18:26

I’m not sure if I’m being sensitive here but just visiting my parents with my H and kids and my H picked up our wedding album.

I did immediately think, ah why look at it now.

he said to my DD, come and look at when mummy ‘ was ‘ a princess. He then looked up and said ‘ emphasis on ‘ was ‘’.. and did a nasty little laugh. I let it go.

then he was looking at the pics and my dad came by and he said ‘ who is this woman in these pics, I don’t recognise her ? ‘ and laughed. He said it a few times.

I lost him and told him to F off and took the book out of his hands.

he knows how much I struggle with how my body has changed after two kids. He knows how much I’m fighting to look like myself again. He knows how much it hurts every single day and how much I hate myself.

is this really something to laugh about in front of my family ?

I just feel like it’s a massive betrayal.

What a horrible thing to say. Should be saying "come see mummy look like a princess and she's still my princess".

Your dad needs a slap too.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 18/04/2025 19:00

parietal · 18/04/2025 18:49

Can I ask gently, why does your changing body make you so unhappy? The shape of your body if not important. What matters is your character and your friendships and your love for your children.

could a tiny fraction of your DH be right in saying you worry about your body too much?

That makes no sense.

Being nasty and cruel about how she has changed is hardly supporting her not being as focused on her body is it?

Original poster
oilump · 18/04/2025 19:00

Properjob · 18/04/2025 18:58

I'm so sorry to hear they were so uncaring OP. I did notice that your DH said you never join in anything. Regardless of weight, are you fit? Get some time for yourself to go to the gym, do strength training, DH can look after the kids. It will help you feel so much better.
But no excuse for their awful behaviour Flowers

He just means I avoid going to larger family gatherings sometimes.

I am very fit and work out a lot. I always have, all the way through pregnancies and after too.

OP posts:
SpringIsSpringing25 · 18/04/2025 18:59

SatanicAngel · 18/04/2025 18:58

@Dillydollydingdong My feet went up a shoe size during my first pregnancy, that was 22 years ago. I've long since lost the pregnancy weight, my shoe size remains one size bigger. I'd love to know how you would make my feet shrink?

I'm sure they'd suggest Surgery to chop your toes off and a slice down the side

dapsnotplimsolls · 18/04/2025 18:59

Why are you with someone who frequently says cruel things 😔

Properjob · 18/04/2025 18:58

I'm so sorry to hear they were so uncaring OP. I did notice that your DH said you never join in anything. Regardless of weight, are you fit? Get some time for yourself to go to the gym, do strength training, DH can look after the kids. It will help you feel so much better.
But no excuse for their awful behaviour Flowers

ConcernedOfClapham · 18/04/2025 18:58

Prick.

Lascivious · 18/04/2025 18:58

Lyannaa · 18/04/2025 18:51

Nobody should be advising anyone to take ozempic. You can’t get off it once on it and it causes a whole bunch of nasty side effects which can dramatically age someone and make your skin hang.

This is bollocks.

Anyway…he was particularly unkind to comment as he knows you have low self-esteem right now. My husband would’ve said something like ‘you’re even more beautiful today’. Which I know isn’t true, but he believes it and that’s the sort of thing a nice husband says.

SatanicAngel · 18/04/2025 18:58

@Dillydollydingdong My feet went up a shoe size during my first pregnancy, that was 22 years ago. I've long since lost the pregnancy weight, my shoe size remains one size bigger. I'd love to know how you would make my feet shrink?

SpringIsSpringing25 · 18/04/2025 18:54

harriethoyle · 18/04/2025 18:44

I mean you’re not wrong but way to miss the point and stick the boot in 🙄

Show quote history

Of course they were wrong!! Being pregnant and carrying babies can change your body in numerous ways not just carrying a few extra pounds.

Lyannaa · 18/04/2025 18:51

Nobody should be advising anyone to take ozempic. You can’t get off it once on it and it causes a whole bunch of nasty side effects which can dramatically age someone and make your skin hang.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 18/04/2025 18:50

My dad would've properly pulled him up on it and told him to leave. Then he would've encouraged me and the kids to stay overnight or as long as we wanted to and told me not to put up with that kind of shit.

I miss my dad ❤️‍🩹

parietal · 18/04/2025 18:49

Can I ask gently, why does your changing body make you so unhappy? The shape of your body if not important. What matters is your character and your friendships and your love for your children.

could a tiny fraction of your DH be right in saying you worry about your body too much?

HornyHornersPinkyWinky · 18/04/2025 18:49

oilump · 18/04/2025 18:43

I agree. He can be cruel about how many things I don’t want to do because I hate myself so much. But he’s not usually cruel about how I look if that makes sense ?

he thinks I’m ridiculous and too hung up on my looks.

Show quote history

Do you not think that maybe he is a source of your low self esteem? He should be supporting you, not tearing you down.

TourangaLeila · 18/04/2025 18:49

What a nasty, cruel thing to do to you OP. You are not being unreasonable at all.

Why would he want to be so nasty towards you? Has he always been that way and you've only just started to notice, because your focus is heavily on yourself at the moment?

To be honest, it says A LOT about how insecure he is becoming now your working on yourself. He is massively projecting.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 18/04/2025 18:48

CSectionUncertainty · 18/04/2025 18:41

It’s interesting that you were worried about his intentions when he picked up the album - if he’s normally nice then what made you feel afraid about what he might say? Sounds like he can actually be cruel as otherwise you wouldn’t have suspected anything?

Yes, I noticed that as well!

fantastiq · 18/04/2025 18:48

Yea but it dosen't make you put on 3 stone and not lose it... the population is just getting fatter and 99% of the time it's just excuses.... let's be honest. Don't make out getting fat is compulsory...and the rest of us are just 'lucky'..