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Original poster

‘D’ H really upset me regarding wedding pics and not looking the like the same person anymore

139 replies

oilump · 18/04/2025 18:26

I’m not sure if I’m being sensitive here but just visiting my parents with my H and kids and my H picked up our wedding album.

I did immediately think, ah why look at it now.

he said to my DD, come and look at when mummy ‘ was ‘ a princess. He then looked up and said ‘ emphasis on ‘ was ‘’.. and did a nasty little laugh. I let it go.

then he was looking at the pics and my dad came by and he said ‘ who is this woman in these pics, I don’t recognise her ? ‘ and laughed. He said it a few times.

I lost him and told him to F off and took the book out of his hands.

he knows how much I struggle with how my body has changed after two kids. He knows how much I’m fighting to look like myself again. He knows how much it hurts every single day and how much I hate myself.

is this really something to laugh about in front of my family ?

I just feel like it’s a massive betrayal.

OP posts:
SlagPit · 18/04/2025 19:51

Mulledjuice · 18/04/2025 18:29

Yeah that's nasty of him. Does he look the same?

Even if he does, he hasn't carried and birthed two children. So it's not the same.

butterpuffed · 18/04/2025 19:50

When you next go there , pick up the album, flick through it and say he's changed too, and when he says 'How' , say 'Not your looks. You used to be a decent person but you've changed into a spiteful piece of shit'.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 18/04/2025 19:50

I'd have just said yeah and just look at the 'Prince' I married. Heavy on the sarcasm.
Arse hole.

Dollshousedolly · 18/04/2025 19:48

SatanicAngel · 18/04/2025 18:58

@Dillydollydingdong My feet went up a shoe size during my first pregnancy, that was 22 years ago. I've long since lost the pregnancy weight, my shoe size remains one size bigger. I'd love to know how you would make my feet shrink?

Ha! So did mine and even though I weigh around the same as before pregnancies, my shoe size never went back.

Original poster
oilump · 18/04/2025 19:42

Mumwithbaggage · 18/04/2025 19:34

Hi OP please start making time for yourself as a priority, time for the gym/walks, time to cook healthy meals for yourself, time to shop for more flattering outfits, time for a haircut, time for a facial/manicure…. Anything that makes you feel good! Spend more time with friends, start going out. As women we often put everyone else’s needs before our own and we then end up overweight and our confidence at rock bottom. He’s kicked you while you’re already down, turn this around and start acting like the Princess you deserve to be treated like!

This is so true so please take notice. I say this because it's taken me many years to get to this place. Not there yet but I'm working on it.

I'd suggest following Sally Gunnell - treat yourself well and others will start doing so as well x

I actually take a fair bit of time to myself. I don’t really see friends a whole lot or go on nights out and that sort of thing but I make time for exercise, eating well. Skin treatments / tweakments, new clothes that fit well and are flattering. Good skin care. I get my hair and nails done. I don’t let myself go. I’ve just struggled to shift the weight from my pregnancies. But I’m not that far now from my goals and I will get a tummy tuck once I’m at my normal weight, as I have pretty bad muscle separation from pregnancies. It’s all planned and I am moving in the right direction.

OP posts:
Wakemeupbe4yougogo · 18/04/2025 19:42

I've been everything between a size 16 and a size 24 since DH and I have been together, and he's never ever once made a negative comment about my weight. He knows how miserable I've been over it at times. Someone who kicks you when you're down doesn't have your best interests at heart - and sadly that seems to include your DF too. I'd be calling them both out over it, it's cruel and unnecessary.

WhyWhyWhy889 · 18/04/2025 19:40

IceColdChardonayPls · 18/04/2025 18:29

That’s really shitty.

My husband probably thinks it, which upsets me enough, but he would never say it.

Why? Would you think that? That’s strange you’ve found him guilty straight away

ThisLivelyRedFox · 18/04/2025 19:38

I doubt this is surprising to you deep down. I imagine the red flags regarding signs of this behaviour were there before this incident, but you chose to carry on with him anyway.

Tricho · 18/04/2025 19:36

That's really mean. Very unkind and downright nasty.

I'd be re evaluating.

Mumwithbaggage · 18/04/2025 19:34

Hi OP please start making time for yourself as a priority, time for the gym/walks, time to cook healthy meals for yourself, time to shop for more flattering outfits, time for a haircut, time for a facial/manicure…. Anything that makes you feel good! Spend more time with friends, start going out. As women we often put everyone else’s needs before our own and we then end up overweight and our confidence at rock bottom. He’s kicked you while you’re already down, turn this around and start acting like the Princess you deserve to be treated like!

This is so true so please take notice. I say this because it's taken me many years to get to this place. Not there yet but I'm working on it.

I'd suggest following Sally Gunnell - treat yourself well and others will start doing so as well x

Reflectionsreflections · 18/04/2025 19:32

And next time he wants to have sex he will be amazed and pissed off that you don’t want to! He is awful and frankly a bit dim…..and honestly it’s the thickness as well as the rudeness that would put me off.
I have been married an awful lot longer than you op and no, I obviously don’t look like I did when I got married. But DH would never, ever say that. One because he’s not a total arsehole. We obviously all age and he knows he has too! Bless him and his blatant lies but he tells me I’m beautiful a lot. But two because he knows full well if he did? He’d never get his leg over again! He’d be out because no way would I go near a man who thought or spoke about me like that. Your DH is rude and stupid. It’s not a good combo…..

tryingtobesogood · 18/04/2025 19:30

oilump · 18/04/2025 18:40

I know ! That’s why I am so ashamed. I’ve tried everything. I am on ozempic and have lost a lot of weight. I’m really really working on it.

I am trying so fucking hard.

Show quote history

I really you are trying for yourself and not him. Only do what is right for you, don’t change to please him.

RedHelenB · 18/04/2025 19:30

parietal · 18/04/2025 18:49

Can I ask gently, why does your changing body make you so unhappy? The shape of your body if not important. What matters is your character and your friendships and your love for your children.

could a tiny fraction of your DH be right in saying you worry about your body too much?

Do you go on and on about them? I can see why after spending loads of time listening abd comforting you about your body changes there is a tipping point where it just becomes annoying, particularly if its stopping you from doing stuff. Cruel to be kind.
This.

lifeonmars100 · 18/04/2025 19:29

how cruel, especially to involve your child, my dad was like that, always making snide judgmental remarks about me, my mum, or my sister trying basically to play us off against each other. It affected my self esteem in a very negative way. He is being vile to you and giving your daughter messages that the only things that matters about a woman is looking "good"

plantsnpants · 18/04/2025 19:25

You could have completely changed and this behaviour would never be reasonable- he was being intentionally cruel.

Witchlite · 18/04/2025 19:25

tachetastic · 18/04/2025 19:01

What a horrible thing to say. Should be saying "come see mummy look like a princess and she's still my princess".

Your dad needs a slap too.

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The correct response to princess comment is “and there’s a prince who is now a mean, poisonous toad”.

Are you sure you feel bad about your body because of how it is, rather than drip, drip, drip of poison?

OneMoreTimeBaby · 18/04/2025 19:25

Hi OP please start making time for yourself as a priority, time for the gym/walks, time to cook healthy meals for yourself, time to shop for more flattering outfits, time for a haircut, time for a facial/manicure…. Anything that makes you feel good! Spend more time with friends, start going out. As women we often put everyone else’s needs before our own and we then end up overweight and our confidence at rock bottom. He’s kicked you while you’re already down, turn this around and start acting like the Princess you deserve to be treated like!

Properjob · 18/04/2025 19:23

oilump · 18/04/2025 19:00

He just means I avoid going to larger family gatherings sometimes.

I am very fit and work out a lot. I always have, all the way through pregnancies and after too.

Show quote history

Well then no excuse OP. You're a reserved person who feels unconfident with weight gain, that's so common. DH should be reassuring you and making you feel loved, as should your father. You shouldn't be the butt of their jokes. I hope they see sense and makes it up to you. Enjoy your Easter break x

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 18/04/2025 19:23

Bullying others trying to disguise it as humour really puts me off so i really wouldn’t appreciate this at all. Disgusting.

Calliopespa · 18/04/2025 19:20

fantastiq · 18/04/2025 18:48

Yea but it dosen't make you put on 3 stone and not lose it... the population is just getting fatter and 99% of the time it's just excuses.... let's be honest. Don't make out getting fat is compulsory...and the rest of us are just 'lucky'..

Society is also getting ruder and nastier which they justify as “ honest.” That’s “ just excuses” and I hope they are all working on it because an unattractive nature is even worse than looking unattractive.

BakelikeBertha · 18/04/2025 19:16

CSectionUncertainty · 18/04/2025 18:41

It’s interesting that you were worried about his intentions when he picked up the album - if he’s normally nice then what made you feel afraid about what he might say? Sounds like he can actually be cruel as otherwise you wouldn’t have suspected anything?

I was just about to say the same. He clearly does say nasty things to you, if you were immediately on your guard like that OP, so are you doing the usual MN thing of, 'my DH is treating me really badly', then when people comment and say you should LTB, the poster comes back and starts making excuses for him?

ohyesido · 18/04/2025 19:15

I would completely withdraw from this man and consider the possibility of a life alone

SouthLondonMum22 · 18/04/2025 19:14

Your dad and DH have showed awful behaviour in front of DD. I wouldn't want a relationship with either of them.

How cruel.

Calliopespa · 18/04/2025 19:14

oilump · 18/04/2025 18:38

like I said, I’m really surprised because he wouldn’t usually say this kind of thing.

the only thing I was thinking when he picked it up- was - if I tell him to leave it, he’ll say how pathetic and sad it is that I don’t even want to look at our wedding album.

so I thought to myself, stay cool. He’s not going to say anything nasty. Don’t tell him not to look at him because that’s when he’ll say something nasty.

he then kept saying how his hair has changed etc too and it wasn’t a big deal. But he’d laid his bed by that point.

I’m afraid, though, op I don’t think you can excuse it as something he doesn’t normally say because he clearly really meant it with the emphasis on “ was”comment.

If he had just accidentally said “ when mummy was a princess” I could have excused it as clumsy, but there was real intent to deride you with that later comment.

DF was as bad or worse.

They both make me feel sick. It’s disgusting.

Daisy12Maisie · 18/04/2025 19:13

I haven’t seen my partner much this week due to work. He rang me earlier and said hello beautiful. I’m not. I’m overweight, short, majorly grown out highlights etc. You get the picture. But he doesn’t point out my flaws. There is no need.
That was a nasty thing for your husband to do/ say.