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Original poster

‘D’ H really upset me regarding wedding pics and not looking the like the same person anymore

139 replies

oilump · 18/04/2025 18:26

I’m not sure if I’m being sensitive here but just visiting my parents with my H and kids and my H picked up our wedding album.

I did immediately think, ah why look at it now.

he said to my DD, come and look at when mummy ‘ was ‘ a princess. He then looked up and said ‘ emphasis on ‘ was ‘’.. and did a nasty little laugh. I let it go.

then he was looking at the pics and my dad came by and he said ‘ who is this woman in these pics, I don’t recognise her ? ‘ and laughed. He said it a few times.

I lost him and told him to F off and took the book out of his hands.

he knows how much I struggle with how my body has changed after two kids. He knows how much I’m fighting to look like myself again. He knows how much it hurts every single day and how much I hate myself.

is this really something to laugh about in front of my family ?

I just feel like it’s a massive betrayal.

OP posts:
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Dhxusksgxuks · 19/04/2025 08:33

What a pig

BellissimoGecko · 19/04/2025 08:16

Why on earth do you feel you hate yourself just because you’ve put on some weight? That’s a really unhealthy attitude to have. You’re exactly the same person as you always were. You have grown two people, ABs that changes your body.

Please treat yourself more kindly.

And dump your h. He’s a cunt.

LoyalJadeRobin · 19/04/2025 04:42

I’d be accidentally on purpose dropping that wedding album in the bath so no one gets to look at it again.

WhatTheFuk · 19/04/2025 03:55

Just think how amazing you’ll look in the divorce photos. (Even if nothing physically changes, i guarantee a weighted cloud will have lifted! 😉

SordidSplendour · 19/04/2025 03:28

ResultsMayVary · 19/04/2025 03:22

That doesn't make sense as she's already lost a lost of weight and is nearly at goal

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Oh sorry I completely missed that. Unbelievably vile so

ResultsMayVary · 19/04/2025 03:22

SordidSplendour · 19/04/2025 03:14

Really mean thing for him to say. Nasty and tactless.

Playing devil's advocate, maybe he's trying to gently nudge you (as is suggested here MANY times when people say DH has gained weight etc)
Maybe he thinks you were happier/more energetic etc

That doesn't make sense as she's already lost a lost of weight and is nearly at goal

SordidSplendour · 19/04/2025 03:14

Really mean thing for him to say. Nasty and tactless.

Playing devil's advocate, maybe he's trying to gently nudge you (as is suggested here MANY times when people say DH has gained weight etc)
Maybe he thinks you were happier/more energetic etc

ThorsRaven · 19/04/2025 02:15

tachetastic · 18/04/2025 19:01

What a horrible thing to say. Should be saying "come see mummy look like a princess and she's still my princess".

Your dad needs a slap too.

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Look at when mummy was a princess and married a handsome prince... But when she kissed the handsome prince, he turned into a frog.

Springley · 19/04/2025 01:44

Me exH was like this. Made awful comments and made me feel ugly and fat. He doesn't sound a nice person.

Mistyglade · 19/04/2025 01:33

Princess? What a twattish thing to say. I suppose he looks like Brad Pitt or whoever the equivalent bloke is these days does he. I’d have taken the album off him and lamped him with it.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 19/04/2025 00:59

What a horrible comment. He joked with his Dad too.
I’m sorry

PodgePie · 18/04/2025 23:51

Blindsidedandconfused · 18/04/2025 23:25

Sad but true. There might be the exception to the rule but sadly this is the viewpoint which prevails

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It’s not true in all cases but it’s alarming how many men do seem to hate women & need them to be a certain way at a certain time in their life.

How on earth do we move on from this mentality??

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 18/04/2025 23:47

oilump · 18/04/2025 18:38

like I said, I’m really surprised because he wouldn’t usually say this kind of thing.

the only thing I was thinking when he picked it up- was - if I tell him to leave it, he’ll say how pathetic and sad it is that I don’t even want to look at our wedding album.

so I thought to myself, stay cool. He’s not going to say anything nasty. Don’t tell him not to look at him because that’s when he’ll say something nasty.

he then kept saying how his hair has changed etc too and it wasn’t a big deal. But he’d laid his bed by that point.

Read this again.

You are talking about staying silent to avoid him being nasty.

You are talking about trying to manage the emotions of a grown man who is supposed to love and respect you, to avoid him lashing out.

That is the mindset of someone in an abusive relationship. Please don't give your daughter the impression that it is okay for men to act this way.

You deserve better than this (and him).

ResultsMayVary · 18/04/2025 23:45

I think he's scared of what your changes might mean for him.

People behave in weird and wonderful ways when their partner loses a significant amount of weight. Some relationship don't survive it unfortunately. Some men even leave their newly slim partner for a heavier woman. Some people (usually women) realise they deserve more.

I think he has a poor self esteem and wants to pull yours down as well. I'm sorry he's dragged your kids into his mess.

Grammarnut · 18/04/2025 23:31

Thump him, preferably with the album because it's nice and heavy. But also we all change. I don't look like the young girl I was. None of us do. But we look at ourselves and we need to like ourselves.
And I bet he isn't what he was seven years ago - tell him so. Laugh at his thickening waist etc. Toe rag.

dogsandcatsandhorses · 18/04/2025 23:28

ShouldIEvenBother · 18/04/2025 18:39

Watch out OP - you say "He never ever says stuff like this"... until now. Is this the start of him trying to grind you down until your self-esteem is in barely visible tatters? Why? Please keep your wits about you. Have there been any other changes in his behaviour?

This ^
All behaviours have a reason.

Blindsidedandconfused · 18/04/2025 23:25

HappilySquare · 18/04/2025 22:28

Well Germaine Grier wasn't wrong when she said women have no idea how much men hate them. Unless you're hot and fuckable, or their cuddly mum/aunt etc who fusses over them, so don't need to be sexy, they really have no time for you.

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Sad but true. There might be the exception to the rule but sadly this is the viewpoint which prevails

PodgePie · 18/04/2025 23:25

So rude & disrespectful of him. I hope he looks identical to the day you met …

No? Big surprise … what is with these shallow, infantile men who can’t appreciate and adore their partners as life grows on and within??

OP you deserve better. Sounds like you are doing your very best to make yourself (crucially YOURSELF) feel better so bravo but make it perfectly clear to he’s the one who needs to keep up.

Is he perhaps feeling insecure because of your routine & lashing out because he’s anxious you’re outshining him??

Calliopespa · 18/04/2025 23:00

EdithBond · 18/04/2025 21:36

@oilump You should’ve replied (in your best Patsy Stone voice): “Emphasis on ‘was’, darling, because of course I’m now a queen” 😉

It was possibly his (unfunny) attempt to wind you up. What men don’t realise is that no self-respecting woman:

  • wants to look like a ‘princess’
  • cares what men think about her looks - only herself
  • believes her looks are the most important thing about her
  • is attracted to men who are insensitive, charmless or make jokes to put her down

Keep working on your self-respect, OP. It’s important to be fit and healthy. But find time for friendships and fun. Believe me, when you’re older you don’t look back and think “didn’t my nails/waist/hair/arse/lips look great”. You look back at all the great times you’ve had with people, all the places you’ve been and all the things you’ve achieved.

I sometimes do think my waist looked quite good 😬🤣!

But I agree op, looking good is not an ideal goal in a well-spent time on this Earth.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 18/04/2025 22:55

harriethoyle · 18/04/2025 21:46

It can but it doesn’t necessarily. However, as my response showed, I absolutely wasn’t endorsing the spirit of that comment which was unpleasant and unnecessary.

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Yes, I know you talked about on the way they delivered it, but you also agreed with what they said.

& I don't agree with you. I never said it always changes a woman's body, but it often does to pretend otherwise helps no one

socks1107 · 18/04/2025 22:51

Ex husband used to do this. He was a horrible man and this was the least of it

Tameys · 18/04/2025 22:36

Really nasty and vicious.
I would take it that he no longer cares about you.
Focus on yourself and look at how soon you can get out of this toxic relationship.
I hope your family can help.

HappilySquare · 18/04/2025 22:28

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 18/04/2025 18:31

The more threads I read on MN, the more I'm convinced that men actually just hate women.
He's a spiteful cunt OP. I'm sure there are numerous ways he had changed since his wedding day (including becoming a nasty twat obviously) and you haven't sat and pointed them out. Maybe you should.

Well Germaine Grier wasn't wrong when she said women have no idea how much men hate them. Unless you're hot and fuckable, or their cuddly mum/aunt etc who fusses over them, so don't need to be sexy, they really have no time for you.

FleaBeeBob · 18/04/2025 22:24

Stop letting things that bug you go, confront him when it happens

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 18/04/2025 22:11

Ok so losing the weight via whatever method is splendid 👏 yet bloody fucking difficult. A slog if you will.

Surely losing a disrespectful twat of a husband is much easier than this?