Just found out I’m pregnant..

If you have any doubts at all about having an abortion, don’t do it. Forty years ago I was in a very similar situation to you, and it is far and away the biggest regret of my life. I had a breakdown in the aftermath, my relationship barely survived, and I remain convinced that my life would have been much better if I hadn’t had that abortion.

Well The op is over ten years older than I was when I had my first and better off too and this has worked out for us. Waiting until you're in your thirties is not always a great idea I know many who did that and now struggle to conceive and are having to go through ivf which isn't always successful

Why will things get better in a few years if you are living wage to wage slip? How can you save for a baby then? I suspect he might not be as keen on children as you think. Your body though.

I’d move to a cheaper area as you’ll need a 2 bed and like someone else said stop any luxury spending buy everything second hand that you can safely do for baby minis mattresses / car seats / breast feeding is free !

I had an unplanned pregnancy at 27. I'd been with my partner 3 years. It was the wrong time and I had an abortion at about 7 weeks.
Have never regretted it - indeed I have barely thought about it.
Went on to have a much-wanted child at 34 (with same man, and got pregnant straightaway).

You'd get statutory maternity pay for the 30 weeks after the 9 weeks, and you'd also get child benefit. It's not loads of money but it does start to add up.

If you're considering a termination, I can highly recommend getting some counselling from the abortion provider in your area - this is likely to be either BPAS or Marie Stopes (now called MSI Reproductive Choices). It's free, over the phone and you can have as many sessions as you like. They are unbiased and are there to help you process your feelings and reach the decision that is right for you.

Personally, I had some counselling with MSI and I ended up keeping that pregnancy, but it was completely invaluable to me in reaching my decision.

Got pregnant at 26, with my now DHs baby. Similar situation so aborted. Birth control failure so thought we’d find it “easy” when we were ready. Started trying at 30 when in a better financial situation. Took us 3 years, two losses and a high risk pregnancy before DC arrived. Time waits for no woman. Where there is a will, there is a way. Go for it!

Your circumstances may not have been the same as hers

To be fair to the poster

rent is insane in London so that wage can feel like not a lot

people saying babies are cheap, childcare can be 1k plus a month for years so no babies aren’t cheap. When I had a baby me and my partner were on 75k a year and really struggled due to nursery costs. And no we didn’t eat out, go on holiday, buy new clothes, have a massive house or have a car.

Those that say just move, some jobs are really scarce outside of London. Plus it’s really hard to get a job or change job as the market is so competitive so the chances of them both getting a job in a cheaper area is small

saying can you ask parents for help, some people have parents with no money or don’t have a good relationship with their parents

yes a one bed flat is fine for the first year of a baby’s life but whose to say in a couple of years that their financial situation will suddenly be better?

im not saying have the abortion but it’s easy to say, just go ahead, everything will be fine when it’s not your years of financial stress and if you don’t have the money for childcare you don’t have it.

Your partner doesn’t seem to think the situation would work, do you think it could work?

Are you trying to say that if a woman has a miscarriage, she shouldn't be upset because "it's nowhere near being a baby"??

It’s nowhere near being “a baby” at this stage.

Married? Is this the 1950s?

Sorry you're going through this , OP, it's really shit.

My two cents is this - I've been in a very similar situation to you (in 2019). After much deliberation, my (now) DH (then DP) and I decided to have an abortion with a view to - like you - saving more money and actively trying to conceive a few years down the line. Well, abortion day came and ... we just couldn't go through with it. So, we had the baby who has grown into our (almost) 5 year old DS who is the light of our lives, along with his sister who arrived (planned!) in 2023.

It's not easy by any stretch but I agree with PPs saying that you will probably never feel 'ready' financially to have a baby. But, once they're here, you make it work.

That being said, only you know the details of your financial position, whether you are able to make cutbacks whilst maintaining a decent standard of living and if the addition of a baby would be viable for you. I don't think it's fair necessarily to bring a baby knowingly into poverty. Is there scope for career progression / salary increase in the near future for one or both of you?

Really not an easy decision and I wish you the best of luck with it xx

No! 9 weeks full pay is more than many get

I didn't know it could be that bad. Does the state not give 18 weeks?

I was like you, but I was 25.
have your baby.
I can’t imagine my life without my child

and I think if I ever chose not to have my baby, I wouldn’t be able to overcome it

Just to let you know. You will probs be eligible for universal credit while you’re on maternity leave. And then if you go back to work (depending on the hours), UC might pay 85% of childcare. It’s worth trying to figure it out if you really want the baby. Also there’s no harm in moving to a cheaper area, as long as there are good schools nearby

I would plead with you to go ahead and keep your baby, you are in a loving relationship and want a child, you could opt for shared parental leave (look into it), yes babes are expensive but there are always a way round things xx

There’s a vast spectrum between “perfect” and utterly unprepared. Young, unmarried, low income, no maternity leave and no savings. And a reluctant partner.

I don't think anyone is saying that having an abortion causes infertility. What we're saying is that even if you've conceived once, you cannot count on conceiving again, especially several years later. There are many couples who struggle with infertility, have to spend loads of money on IVF, and still, sadly, can't have children.

I do believe things happen for a reason.

You’re in a very good position relative to most people. Dh was earning £18k and I was on a PhD studentship when we had our first (very much planned). I only got maternity allowance, no full pay even for 9 weeks. And we’ve never had any family support with childcare or anything else.

It sounds like you need to make some adjustments in your budget. We make only a bit more than you now, but afford a mortgage on a 5 bedroom detached house with land, 3 cars, 2 school age children, a dog, a horse and assorted other animals, plus holidays. It may mean moving and new jobs and cutting back, but it’s very doable if you are otherwise wanting to have a baby.

Same could be said for any of us.

Even if she was earning 60K a year herself and he left then she would still struggle to juggle everything and meet someone new.

Preparing for every eventuality I don't think is realistic or nobody would ever have kids. None of us can ever tick every single box.

I had mine in my late 20s, working full time, above minimum wage but stupid hours and no hope of ever earning big money.

I was married (he had a stable career earning a decent wage), joint owned a house so we said let's go for it because things are unlikely to get much better financially.

To be fair this was 11 years ago and my husband was probably earning £40K back then, we owned a house that had enough bedrooms but I didn't tick the career box and would never have been able to support myself and a child on my salary then or even in 10 years time without claiming benefits.

My own fault for choosing a stupid industry but someone has to work on hospitality.

I'm not saying that to persuade OP to go ahead but just to look at the bigger picture and realise nothing will ever be perfect.

This is incredibly hard and the internet is not so great a place to decide. Your body, your choice at the end of the day.
you have time to think so take that time for yourself so that whatever you choose is as right as it can be for you alone