Page 2 | Parents come to stay, but then bugger off out

Lovemelovemydogz · 2025-04-18T15:28:22+00:00

Would this bother you. See my parents maybe 3 x per year, due to distance. My Dc had a party today, so Dh took her so I could stay home with my parents, who then proceeded to go out for a two hour walk, so i’m sat in the house alone, when I could’ve gone to the party and caught up with friends. It’s the same if we decide to have a day at home if Dd is tired, they go out and don’t really spend time with us. Aibu to be a bit put out by it?

UnstableZebra · 19/04/2025 08:26

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 22:39

You are clearly a better person than I am

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Sounds like you are sulking because not everyone wanted to slob around in PJ’s watching daytime TV like you. And you are so surprised you write a post about it.

UnstableZebra · 19/04/2025 08:23

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 22:25

Do you feel judged by them? I don’t feel the same, it’s my home, I wanted to feel comfy, I really don’t see an issue

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So why on earth do you find it odd that they preferred to go for a walk, rather than watching TV in PJ’s then? You do you, they obviously don’t want to do you. A two hrs walk clearly says that.

kinkytoes · 19/04/2025 08:09

Are you quite young OP? You sound it.

I agree with pp you should speak to your parents to avoid this happening.

If you'd pre arranged to sit around watching tv all day with your parents then I agree they were rude to go out.

But it sounds like you expected them to follow your lead, without actually telling them that's what you were expecting.

Maybe they didn't enjoy the show as much as you did. Again, did you ask them?

Wexone · 19/04/2025 07:57

Zone2NorthLondon · 19/04/2025 00:00

Routine & getting dressed in a care setting is to prevent institutionalisation and loss of ADL
Relaxing in your own home in pj doesn’t require an Intervention as it’s not institutional or deskilling
It probably about different styles
Day off I’m happy to schlep around in PJ and stream a box set. As A family we routinely do this. Get blankets, snacks and snuggle on sofa with movie

Well that's where we will disagree then. I believe there is a very fine line and believe that routine is important which the op feels doesn't need as more replies came back. you can sit and watch box sets in normal clothes same with snuggle on a sofa on clothes. you can feel comfortable in your home dressed. if someone was staying especially I have to get dressed.

Zone2NorthLondon · 19/04/2025 00:00

Routine & getting dressed in a care setting is to prevent institutionalisation and loss of ADL
Relaxing in your own home in pj doesn’t require an Intervention as it’s not institutional or deskilling
It probably about different styles
Day off I’m happy to schlep around in PJ and stream a box set. As A family we routinely do this. Get blankets, snacks and snuggle on sofa with movie

Original poster

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 23:42

Wexone · 18/04/2025 23:14

OK that's fine but it is very important for mental health. that's why when people in long term hospital care nursing home etc are made get up and get dressed. my own father recently went in for care after serous surgery. the last part of his recovery was to ensure he started getting up and dressed in morning all be it with help at 1st. it helps his recovery as his brain was starting ti get routine back also really helped his mood big time. he lt back at full health can't drive but he getting up showering dressed every day

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I can totally see that, I suppose not all people need to/like doing that though?

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themightysossidge · 18/04/2025 23:22

Do you think they might not want to feel they are on top of you all the time and want to give you some room? Perhaps they also need their own downtime?

Wexone · 18/04/2025 23:14

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 23:06

Oh for sure, I totally understand it, I just don’t feel the need to do that and don’t need that sort of routine I suppose, I dunno….may sound lazy to some

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OK that's fine but it is very important for mental health. that's why when people in long term hospital care nursing home etc are made get up and get dressed. my own father recently went in for care after serous surgery. the last part of his recovery was to ensure he started getting up and dressed in morning all be it with help at 1st. it helps his recovery as his brain was starting ti get routine back also really helped his mood big time. he lt back at full health can't drive but he getting up showering dressed every day

Inflamed · 18/04/2025 23:11

and I told mum how excited I was to watch the rest as I never get time alone to watch series etc because of Dd

Could she have taken that as you saying you wanted to watch it on your own?

Either way I think you need to clearly communicate what you want to do.

Original poster

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 23:11

PonyPatter44 · 18/04/2025 23:10

Have you tried using your actual words and speaking to your parents? It's a very effective technique to improve communication. I highly recommend it.

How patronising

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PonyPatter44 · 18/04/2025 23:10

Have you tried using your actual words and speaking to your parents? It's a very effective technique to improve communication. I highly recommend it.

Original poster

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 23:09

MereNoelle · 18/04/2025 22:54

Ok. Well we’re all different! I couldn’t concentrate on a TV programme while my kids were around.

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I can’t really, hence my excitement about Dd being out and me being in to watch a series in peace

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Original poster

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 23:06

Wexone · 18/04/2025 23:03

i suppose we are. the one rare thing my work did really well when covid started and has stuck on my head. is that the importance of small routines every day being getting up showering washing getting dressed etc. how much all those little things being done help your brain. your mother putting in her make up is her routine it helps her feel like she is ready for the day. even if she is doing nothing

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Oh for sure, I totally understand it, I just don’t feel the need to do that and don’t need that sort of routine I suppose, I dunno….may sound lazy to some

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Wexone · 18/04/2025 23:03

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 22:48

Sometimes leggings I suppose, as they’re comfy. My mum had trousers on..slacks type ones, not comfy to me at all. She also puts a full face of make up on (natural looking) every morning, even if staying at home, we think v differently!

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i suppose we are. the one rare thing my work did really well when covid started and has stuck on my head. is that the importance of small routines every day being getting up showering washing getting dressed etc. how much all those little things being done help your brain. your mother putting in her make up is her routine it helps her feel like she is ready for the day. even if she is doing nothing

MereNoelle · 18/04/2025 22:57

I didn’t necessarily mean chatting to DH either (although I do do that). If the kids are there I chat to them!

MereNoelle · 18/04/2025 22:54

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 22:52

I adore reading, but there’s no way I can sit around reading with Dd at home…chatting with Dh and sitting around reading were the days before Dd, if only it were that relaxed now

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Ok. Well we’re all different! I couldn’t concentrate on a TV programme while my kids were around.

Original poster

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 22:52

MereNoelle · 18/04/2025 22:51

Well it is true, but it doesn’t make any difference to me if you believe me or not.

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Okay

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Original poster

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 22:52

MereNoelle · 18/04/2025 22:48

I didn’t say there was, to be fair. Just said it isn’t something we do. As I said, it’s not a moral issue. You just got defensive.

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I adore reading, but there’s no way I can sit around reading with Dd at home…chatting with Dh and sitting around reading were the days before Dd, if only it were that relaxed now

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MereNoelle · 18/04/2025 22:51

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 22:50

Not defensive at all, I find it odd and also probably not true that you never have tv on in the daytime

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Well it is true, but it doesn’t make any difference to me if you believe me or not.

Original poster

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 22:50

MereNoelle · 18/04/2025 22:48

I didn’t say there was, to be fair. Just said it isn’t something we do. As I said, it’s not a moral issue. You just got defensive.

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Not defensive at all, I find it odd and also probably not true that you never have tv on in the daytime

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Original poster

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 22:48

Wexone · 18/04/2025 22:43

Really ? not even a pair of tracksuit pants or loose trousers. only pyjama bottoms? the only "outdoor" clothes designed for outside are coats waterproofs etc. other clothes are designed to be worn inside and outside. what was your mother wearing while she was sitting beside you watching telly before she went on her walk ?

Sometimes leggings I suppose, as they’re comfy. My mum had trousers on..slacks type ones, not comfy to me at all. She also puts a full face of make up on (natural looking) every morning, even if staying at home, we think v differently!

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MereNoelle · 18/04/2025 22:48

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 22:46

Exactly, no harm in it

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I didn’t say there was, to be fair. Just said it isn’t something we do. As I said, it’s not a moral issue. You just got defensive.

Original poster

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 22:46

QueefQueen80s · 18/04/2025 22:45

Exactly, background tv stops the background being too quiet during breaks in conversation, also something to enjoy together and creates talking points.

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Exactly, no harm in it

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QueefQueen80s · 18/04/2025 22:45

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 22:21

Why?? 🙈 I find this weird…they’re staying for two weeks, the tv is on at times we’re at home. It’s my parents, we don’t sit around in a silent room, politely sipping tea from china cups

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Exactly, background tv stops the background being too quiet during breaks in conversation, also something to enjoy together and creates talking points.

Wexone · 18/04/2025 22:43

Really ? not even a pair of tracksuit pants or loose trousers. only pyjama bottoms? the only "outdoor" clothes designed for outside are coats waterproofs etc. other clothes are designed to be worn inside and outside. what was your mother wearing while she was sitting beside you watching telly before she went on her walk ?