To think this is ridiculous? Childcare

What other people choose for their children is no judgement on you. They probably weren't thinking of you and your parenting choices at all when they talked about this issue. I'm poor with no family around so I wouldn't have anywhere to take my baby to, but I'm happy for him to stay with me.

Exactly. The judgement is strong in your post OP. Perhaps take your own advice on board.

Honestly I think this is one of those where your view on it entirely depends on how you were brought up & your family.

If you had bad experiences yourself then you’re not going to want to repeat them for your child, and how comfortable you are with your family plays a huge part too.

I stayed at my GP frequently as a child and loved it, we have an amazing relationship, and I have no issue with my parents having my daughter overnight as a result. My mum was there when I gave birth to my daughter and I trust her to know the right thing to do more than I trust myself sometimes, I’ve got absolutely no concerns whatsoever, my daughter loves her and they have an amazing little bond. On the other hand though if my MIL asked to have her overnight it would be an absolute no- they don’t have that relationship and for various reasons including safeguarding concerns there’s not a chance in Hell I’d let her watch my child unsupervised for even 20 minutes nevermind overnight.

There are definitely different views towards children staying at relatives homes and I don’t think one is necessarily right and one wrong, they are just different and it’s almost like different countries with one not understanding the other. Some people do view it as an essential. I guess if you have willing grandparents then fair enough. But a lot of people just don’t. My parents died when I was still quite young so unfortunately didn’t meet my children (or husband for that matter) so that’s obviously never been an option and DHs just aren’t available; mil is severely hearing impaired and to be honest both children together are pretty exhausting and I don’t think they’d ever volunteer.

I’ve never had a night away from them - have slept away from four year old DS for the grand sum total of one night and that was when I was having his sister! But I genuinely don’t feel I’m missing out on anything because it’s just what I know, it’s how things have to be.

No matter what you'll do, you'll be vilified I suppose so may as well just do what suits you and your child best.

You say this then vilify parents who choose what's best for them by not doing sleepovers 🙄

Some things have to be done and some things are optional.

If a parent wants to wait until the child decides whether or not they want to do the optional things that's fine.

It's good to give children choices when it is reasonable and realistic to do so. It's very good for their development.

DH and I haven't had a night out on our own since DD was born 6 years ago and we've managed OK. I don't care much about what decisions others make for childcare tbh, but it didn't suit us because I've breastfed both DDs to sleep until they were 3+, and I was happier keeping the consistency. We used daytime childcare from age 2.5 (for early years education and socialisation - we didn't need it to enable us to work) and the eldest had her first sleepver with PILs aged 4. Youngest is nearly 3 and hasn't slept over, partly because she is still breastfeeding and partly because she wakes in the night and we didn't want her to disturb PILs. DH and I have had dates during the day while dcs are in school/preschool.

Personally I never had sleepvers with my own grandparents so I don't see it as a normal/essential thing, and my parents never used evening childcare for us at all (and they're still happily married).

I left my little girl once between the ages of newborn and three, to go to New York with work, my husband was also on a work trip.

after that, she didn’t go for sleepovers until she could tell me she wanted to.

My DC stayed one weekend night most weekends at either GP from an early age.

My and DP either went out separately, together or just lounged at home.

Both DC and GP loved it. They have such a close relationship even now as young adults and only stopped staying due to moving to university

DC also went to nursery full time so I could continue to work.

We have a lovely home, fantastic holidays (with and without GP) and given the DC great memories.

Some may consider this bad parenting. I don't.

But I also don't look at what others choose to do as wrong, just different.

I assume what they’re saying is that they wouldn’t leave their child overnight with someone until the child was old enough to think it was fun, not just to get a night away from them. Going to visit granny for a fun sleepover at 3/4 is certainly different than at 6 months.

That said, there are lots of ways to have time as a couple without shipping your child off for the night with someone else. My dc are 7 & 12 and have never had a sleepover with a family member. Not because they don’t “consent” but because both of our mums are not allowed to do any childcare for safeguarding reasons. Our children see their granny’s under supervision only. We’ve been out to dinner with a babysitter though. They’ve been to sleepovers with friends, to school residentials, scout camps, etc.

You’re talking as though sleepovers are essential, from the privilege of having such care on offer. Lots of us didn’t have our kids doing sleepovers until they were old enough to consent or beyond, because no one was offering one. So not, DH and I didn’t have a night on our own in the early years and we were and are completely fine. I probably wouldn’t have allowed it until the children were old enough to want to do it even if Grandma had been offering - just my preference and what works for our family.

I fail to understand how someone else choosing not to allow overnights for their young children is some sort of problem for you.

Babies have to be dressed, so it’s a silly comparison. Nursery is necessary for childcare. Sleepovers are — by contrast — an optional and unnecessary thing. It’s a reasonable thing to wait until your child is old enough to express they wish to sleep over. A lot of young children really would miss their parents at bedtime. Day dates are enough for my husband and me, we don’t need nights out. I imagine we will probably build DD up to sleeping over at her grandparents’ before we have another baby as we’ll need overnight childcare then, but in an ideal world I’d rather not do sleepovers before age 3 or 4 or so.

There is nothing wrong with sleepovers at a young age for those who choose to do it, but others make different decisions for their children, and that’s fine.