To think this is ridiculous? Childcare

@Catisgluedtome i think the point was sleepovers with hired babysitters? Not grandparents?

unfortunately we don’t have family who are willing to have ours, I’d jump at the chance. But I wouldn’t pay/ hire a babysitter I didn’t know to have sole responsibility overnight. Maybe different if family friend or someone I trusted, but not a random, no.

Simply this. Example: friend had a job that required being away from home for at least one weekend a year and once a year for longer. Plus some long days. Her PIL were fantastic, took her DD for these periods and at zero notice in emergencies and loved her and she them. Her DP was a bit useless until her DD was older.
She couldn't do her job without sleepovers and changing job would have been well nigh impossible as being away was part of the job description.

Ok, just carrying on being judgmental af then add "each to their own though" without seeing the irony.
👋

What do you mean “they are”? Sleepovers are essential?

Sure, in lots of circumstances and families I’m sure it’s needed and if it’s also available then great, win all round. They’re hardly a universal necessity for good child rearing in the way OP writes her first post - plenty of us have happy marriages, happy kids and involved and loving grandparents without them.

And whether I’d thought they were essential or not the bottom line was no one was going to offer one to my kids as babies or toddlers anyway. My parents will have them occasionally now they’re tweens and don’t need as much care.

Sometimes they are.

There's quite a lot of preciousness going on here. Obviously everyone does what they think best and I didn't breastfeed my DD beyond 3-6 months for all sorts of reasons so my views might be different to some.
My parents had DD for 24 hrs when she was about 3 months old as I caught a vile throwing up bug and Ex DP was away. PIL had her for lots of overnights and all parties were very happy. I had a job that involved some evenings/weekends so needed a fair .bit of back up. I also went back to work quite quickly so we had to muddle through.

Virtuous, or not having free, trustworthy childcare when needed or suited.
Virtuous, or struggling with PPA, PPD, OCD (🙋‍♀️).
Virtuous, or having children with extra needs that are difficult to cater for (medical, sensory, emotional...)

Fuck me, why do you care so much about what others do?

My kids are terrible sleepers, my baby still wakes 4-5 times a night and my bigger one often wakes once or twice. I think their grandparents are more than happy not to do sleepovers to be honest 🤣

Edit: it quoted the wrong post for some reason, sorry! No clue how that happened (I'm fucking tired alllll the time 😅).

Oh you've obviously got a bee in your bonnet about this to generate such a peculiar thread. Parents have every right to be selective about who spends what amount of time with their child and in what setting.

I’m guessing your a grandparent whose upset at not being allowed a sleepover?
You don’t need sleepovers to bond with your grandchildren many many people never have sleepovers,
It’s important to remember that what expectations you have as a grandparent may not be the same as the parents expectations and to accept it. Alienating the parents will just reduce your time with your grandchildren.

One of our dc's grandparents was desperate for them to sleep over, from several weeks old.

She asked and asked and was politely told no, every time. They didn't sleep anywhere but home with either me, dh or both, until they were about 3.

MIL's wishes on the matter were second to what we, as parents, felt was best for our dc.

BIL has since had dc and she's been having them overnight nearly every weekend since their eldest was two weeks old so she's delighted now. And we get many barbed comments about how she missed out on these special baby sleepovers with ours. Oh well. No shits given here, I'd still do the same again.

Poor gp? Why on earth do you think it’s some right that they have or should have? They are not on some grand pedestal that they need to have rights to the dc.
some people do sleepovers and others don’t. What’s your issue?

This is another one where I don’t necessarily think there is a concrete rule for but MN seems to be passionately divided in to two polar opposite views on this.

Do whatever feels right for you as a parent. If you feel that you’re managing just fine and there is no need for you to go away and leave your child with GPs - fine. If you want to go away every now and then childfree - also fine.

With my first born, didn’t leave them until 3m for a one night occasion but felt extreme guilt so didn’t do it again until 1yo or so. With second born, left them both for a few nights from really little and then for a night (or more like a day but they wouldn’t see me the whole day and miss bedtime) every other month. The thing is, one GM is very experienced in looking after babies so I am comfortable. I wouldn’t leave them with the other GPs, not because they’re awful, just not as experienced and the kids don’t see them as often so might not have that comfortableness and familiarity.

In a roundabout way, it depends who your support system are.

I think grandparents who think they’re entitled to sleepovers are ridiculous and quite controlling.

It’s about what’s best for the child, not what’s best for the grandparent.

It’s less about that and more about not leaving overnight until the child can express that they’re comfortable with it. I remember leaving my little girl overnight and I felt so sick and anxious because I didn’t know how she felt about it. My sister, though, has been happy to leave her little boy since he was sleeping through the night. It’s personal preference at the end of the day

Utter nonsense.

I remember these ‘virtuous’ mothers who had never been out, never left their child, from when mine were little.

I didn’t take any notice of them then, either.

the grandparents will cope for a couple years, I’m sure.

Poor grandparents indeed who laugh at the thought of being told they’re being hypocritical when complaining about other parents who judge when completely missing the point they’re being judgmental too.

Mmmm I’d actually say it’s the opposite of privilege. A lot of us don’t have our families close by or family members who are in a position to be able to look after very young children. So when you are the only caregivers to your child then naturally the idea of a sleepover or a babysitter when they’re young becomes a strange thought. That’s not to say I’d judge anyone else doing it, I think it must be lovely to have such close grandparents. But you need to recognise that is actually a privilege.