Ghosted by my friend

Send her a really lovely bunch of flowers. Add a note saying how important she is to you how much you value her as a friend. Say you miss her and when she’s ready you’d love to meet up. You have no idea really as she’s not telling you what’s up / what’s bugging her but it all started at Xmas. make a grand gesture - see if that helps X

It probably came across to her that you only wanted to go if the other 2 went as well, and she probably felt quite rejected. If you'd have said from the start sorry I can't make it, but to change your mind when hearing the others can't go is a bit savage. Perhaps it was the breaking point in the friendship, seems a bit much if everything else was fine tbh.

Tbh I think it comes across you’re a bit of a sheep to the whims of the other 2 ex colleagues and blindly following what they want.

Shes probably thinking she’s not a priority to you and so why should she bother.

Think this is on you to reach out and maybe ask to meet up just the two of you if you value the friendship

I don't get why you didn't want to see her on your own? Just because 2 friends didn't want to meet up doesn't mean you couldn't have met up with her. She's probably hurt and feels rejected. Go see her, say your sorry and take her out for a coffee/a drink to make up.

Was she really busy before Christmas too? Or did that meet up matter quite a lot to her? How come you couldn’t fit your friend in for a lunch when it was just her but were happy to do it if the 2 other people came?

To add, this shouldn’t be about right or wrong, a friend is hurt, go and tend to her.

Being a single parent on occasions when families are often celebrating can be really lonely times when good friends are needed - Christmas, Easter, birthdays etc. even if your parents/siblings are still around which they may not be in your friend’s case. That meet up at Christmas might be the highlight for the period for her, the connection that makes her feel valued and not alone, that stabilises her at a fraught time. All three of you flaked, you don’t have good reasons eg you’re in hospital. You’ve all deprioritised her. Why would she willingly put herself in that position again? For her to connect with you again she likely will need to feel safe with you again, that she can trust you. If you want her to be your friend you will need to work hard now, say what you are sorry for, express the kind of friend you want to be, and hope she’s willing.

Well to be fair you’ve cancelled on her ideas twice, maybe she’s upset.

She probably felt quite rejected first.

I think you should have made an effort with a pre-christmas lunch, even if the other 2 were busy. Your friend is probably thinking that she is not a priority for you and now pulling away.