My first wedding AIBU!

There's nothing cute about your 'cute bridesmaid' child wailing and bellowing and shrieking about dying the vows and speeches.

I can remember being left at home for a family wedding at around age 11 with my cousins and one sibling, while our two youngest siblings were invited (flower girl and page boy). My parents didn’t bat an eyelid, we had a fun day ourselves. Everyone survived. It doesn’t have to be a massive deal if you don’t turn it into one.

Imagine having a child free wedding and then refusing to go to a close family wedding … because it’s child free 🤦‍♀️

A wedding is about the bride and groom exchanging vows. If you want a big family party, have a big family party, but don't expect every bride and groom to turn their special day into a family party.

totally agree.
always been of the mine that children make a wedding- cute little brides maids etc.

@narcASD "AIBU not go myself and upset my sister?"

Why though? because you cannot celebrate an event without your children?

Your nephew and his future wife want a no kids wedding, what is wrong with that?

It is not personal, it's about the dynamic of the event, surely?

If you want to go, go. If you don't want to go, don't go. Don't cut your nose off to spite your face.

Don't feel obliged to get a generous gift if you're hacked off. It doesn't sound like they need it anyway.

I don't think inviting all the cousins on both his and her sides of the family is necessary. It gets out of hand both in terms of cost and in terms of size and complexity of party.

Sadly as others have said it is their choice.
We had a no under 10s rule and only kids we knew (and could trust to behave)

They are first cousins. Invite one first cousin and then you have first cousins on four sides to invite. The guest numbers can rise dramatically. In this case, the OP’s children are what ? 12 and 14 - the groom must be at least 10 years older, he’s inviting his own parents, siblings, his aunts and uncles and then their own friends.

And he’s now having dear aunt xx causing a fuss because her children are not invited. Unbelievable!

Really?! I can’t imagine myself saying anything that dickish to my children.

People really need to get a grip when it comes to other peoples weddings. Just leave the kids at home, go and have a good time and a week later it's just a memory anyway.

Well you wouldn’t phrase it like that would you

More and more people seem to be opting for child-free weddings.
I find it quite sad when people DON'T want children at their 'Big Day'.
However, when a couple very clearly states NO children, I think it's CF-ery to try and get them to change their minds.
You can feel all hurt and Boo Hoo about it and not go. The day will happen, regardless, and your 'statement' of not going will fall flat and your absence will barely register.

I’ve been to quite a few child free weddings in Italy!

Personally I much prefer child free weddings, but the beauty of weddings is that the people who are getting married and are paying for it get to have the wedding they want, not the wedding their guests want.

OP, try and think of it as having a lovely day out with your husband and family. Children do change the mood of things, as lovely as they are, and sometimes people want to have more grown up time. It’s not a slight on your children at all, they just want to see you and have a different sort of day to the one you would pick for yourself.

Sorry it's not about you or your kids.
Nor is it always the money.

Venues have limited capacity give or take 100 people

People are generally getting married older, more family and friends of their own. Groups of friends from different places, school, uni, hobby groups.

Getting married older can mean more friends have kids - we could have ended up with 36 children from 6mths to 17 at our wedding.

Does friends 19yo count as a child 🤔, the 16 yo twin siblings are children? Would the 19 need a plus 1?

Do friends teen step kids need an invite?

If we invite kids do we need entertainment for them?

Who do we bin to make way for the kids?

It just became a complicated mess. Much easier to draw the line - no kids.

Well it’s just that they’re not being invited to a wedding. They’re not being banished from society. A long wedding is potentially quite boring for children of those ages, anyway.

I don’t understand no child weddings either. It’s a family event.

BUT you had a no child wedding yourself. Funny how so many people change their minds when it is their child who isn’t invited.

Just politely decline as you should have done to begin with and not tried to negotiate.

And the reasons, first cousins are not invited to the wedding - it happens a lot that invitations aren’t extended to first cousins. He’s 10 years + older than you, so not best friends/in his friendship circle anyway. The venue only holds xxx. If first cousins on all sides were invited that would be xx extra guests and it’s just not practical.

Cannot believe you are saying it was okay for you to not have children at your wedding, But they must be false to have yours at theirs? Double standards much.

But these are not everyone, they are family. Close family

1. Just because a couple is well off, doesn't mean there isn't still a budget.
2. They are throwing a party and have decided on a guest list. I'm sure there will be other parties where your children are invited, this isn't a personal slight and to behave though it is would be extremely illogical and cause drama where there just isn't the need?
3. What a wonderful opportunity to develop a child's resilience, learning that they won't get invited to everything and that isn't a personal slight against them or a comment on their relationship with the person throwing the party.

So dramatic. Just go & have a nice time. Your kids will survive one day without you

You really can't see the idea?

I had no kids. None. No families kids. Not a single child. I had maxed out the venue and didn't want to compromise my adult guests who I desperately wanted there, for someone's off spring. The only exception I made were babies in arms.

some people don't want kids flailing about on their day, screaming during speeches, zooming and knee slides on their dance floor.

every single 120 of the guests turned up.
I have a child now by the way, so I'm not against kids.

having kids doesn't make your feelings trump the brides. And lets me honest, some parents don't bother parenting their kids and let them run wild anyway

@FanofLeavesyeah I wouldn’t actually sit them down and lay it on as thick as that. But really it’s what it comes down to, isn’t it? I wouldn’t go either. I’d do what @Jennalongsaid.