My first wedding AIBU!

Your nephew is not being unreasonable to have a child-free wedding if he wants and you would be perfectly reasonable to decline the invitation.

If your nephew gets upset or angry about you declining the invitation, that would be unreasonable. People who choose to have child-free weddings must surely be aware that some people with children will decline.

I wouldn't have anyone at my wedding who kicked up a fuss in the family and started a thread on a public forum to complain about my chosen guest list.

Wishing much joy to the bridal couple 🎉🥂🥳

YANBU to decline the invitation.

Venue capacity is very much a thing and they can be really stringent about all heads counting - your registrar, your photographer. Everyone.

Say each side has four child relations, that’s eight additional spaces. Add on a smattering of friends with kids. That could be another ten spaces. So nearly 20 spaces. Your venue might only hold 60 people. Who do you invite? Do you invite all kids or only some kids? Or do you just simplify it as “no kids”? Someone’s nose is out of joint no matter what you do.

YABVU

Yanbu.
I think it is fair enough to decline.
Another person who cannot understand children within the family not being included.
I don't get it.
At your girls ages I think it is really mean.
It clearly is not a family wedding in my view and he certainly isn't pushed about your going.
It is ok to decline in such circumstances.
I wouldn't get into any discussion about it.
You are declining as the wedding doesn't suit you to attend without your children.

I had a situation years ago with my nephews wedding. We as a family had received our full family invite and were looking forward to it for 12 months, outfits bought for the children.
On his side there were two children under 12, these were my two youngest, 11 and 8.

On the brides side there were 20 apparently so my two suddenly had their invitations rescinded and I was supposed to find childcare in the middle of the summer for the day

In the end I was unable to find childcare as so many people were on holidays, so my husband and two sons went and I went after the meal for a couple of hours with our daughter.

I thought rescinding the invite was appalling and so did his mother, my sister in law. I never said a word to my nephew or SIL, but she was so apologetic to my husband. It was a numbers thing at the venue apparently and they didn't want small children.

Their only child is treated like the second coming by them, I do wonder how they would feel in similar circumstances by an invitation being rescinded suddenly when the physical invites are being sent out.
Awful behaviour IMO, it would have really hurt my sweet 11 year old to have been excluded at such a late stage after a year of excitement.

If they were toddlers it would be one thing, but teenage cousins being excluded is very poor IMO.

Also that age is boring for kids.
I had to attend many a dull older-cousin's wedding at that age and it wasn't fun. Too old to just muck in with other kids you don't know, and too young to make small talk with adults.
Go and be there for your nephew and have a nice time.

It is so bizarre to me that you admit to enforcing a particular rule at your wedding, because it was what YOU wanted (your wedding your rules) and yet are judging your poor nephew and his bride to be for doing the exact same thing.

Your brother sounds spoilt and immature. If my uncle was threatening that I'd think good riddance.

The wedding day is about the bride and groom. No one else. Not your children, not someone else's children. It is not your day. You had your day, let them have theirs. Without you causing a stink for selfish reasons.

It's a shame but maybe there are loads of younger cousins on brides side so easier to say no kids at all.

@KittyFantastica we went to a wedding a month before ours and children were invited. It was chaos with some children being frogmarched out of church by an harassed parent after making too much noise

A friend (who was also going to attend our wedding) who had children but had left them with babysitters, turned to me and said bet you are glad you are having a child free one!

what, so people should have a shitty day ruined by snotty screaming toddlers just in case they get divorced? 😂
OP YABVU. I get it-your kids are highly unlikely to spoil the day, they are a bit older and unlikely to cause a bother. But in situations like this is MUCH easier to have a blanket rule if no kids. Otherwise it’s “I know you said no under tens but my little angel is 8 and three quarters and very well behaved!!” Etc…you get the picture.
You need to stop taking it personally, because it isn’t.

Sorry, but it's their wedding. They don't want kids. Say nothing don't interfere.

I always felt a sigh of relief when an invite stated no children. Weddings are boring enough for adults let alone children!

Not really the most important day of your life given the divorce rate!

Having my gorgeous niece at my wedding was one of the highlights of the day for me. She was three, excited about picking an outfit and had a brilliant time. She did three year old stuff at times, but she was being three! She’s early twenties now and I would regret not having the memory and photos to share with her, and everyone else.

It is very much a white westerner issue - the rest of the world loves having kids at weddings.

Will your nephew and your sister be upset if you don’t go?

(I ask because some of my aunties didn’t attend my wedding and I was a bit upset but not devastated and still have good relationships with them, but in some families it would be a massive drama and cause a lot of upset).

If your sister and nephew won’t care that much then by all means decline.

If it will cause a lot of upset then you have to decide if you’re willing to tank those relationships for the sake of a decision which isn’t at all personal or in any way designed to upset you.

Oh...right. So YOUR wedding was child-free...but your nephew's wedding should include your children because they are 'lovely'.
Cop on to yourself madam.

I love kids at a wedding and think they make the day…however it’s their day not yours and its completely up to them! I think its pathetic to be offended by something as petty as this!

Yabu...you may think whatever you like about child-free weddings but actually refusing to go because your 10 and 13 year old aren't invited seems disproportionately obstinate to me.

Just like the OP is moaning, the OP who also had a childfree wedding!

I really don’t understand, you had a child free wedding and are upset he’s having one? Nieces and nephews and possibly just about immediate family, cousins are not. So your kids are still kids (10 is 100% a child) and you’ve been cheeky enough to ask him already to let them come… and you’re still upset. Having kids and teens is different to only having adults.

Decline the invite and save him further hassle.

Grow up. You had a no kids rule, they can have a no kids rule. Can your girls have a sleepover with friends?

We had a child free wedding for a number of reasons. The primary one was our wedding venue counting every head as an attendee, no matter their age, even toddlers. If we’d allowed children, we’d have had to sacrifice 22 adult family or friends. That’s without considering budget, that was just for the maximum headcount allowed.

We also wanted our guests to be able to relax and enjoy themselves without little ears or mouths around every corner. We only had one person decline (and we completely understood that when you have a decision like this people are absolutely entitled to decline), and that was because she had 3 children and the youngest was still on the boob and wouldn’t take a bottle. If we’d have allowed one child or baby, we’d have then had to deal with everyone else throwing their toys out the pram and feeling entitled to bring theirs. We got several messages telling us, ‘Oh our kid is different’, or ‘They won’t cause any harm, is there really no room?’ Imagine saying yes to one and not the others!

We also attended a wedding a year before ours with 20+ children and it was a nightmare. Crying, bumped heads, full meals going in the bin because they didn’t want the food, complaining there was nothing to do, babies wailing during the ceremony and no one taking them out, a toddler standing up mid-vows and announcing they needed a poo, and a ten year old who laid on the floor during the speeches because he was so bored. At one point, there was a shout from a bridesmaid because she’d found one little girl with her hands all over the uncut wedding cake. There were obviously a few kids who were well behaved as well, but they just stood there next to their parents all day looking bored. The bride and groom paid for a kids entertainer for their reception because the kids needed to be entertained. The adults spent all day running around after them. I was sat next to one family, who I’d never even met before, and the mum ended up handing me her child’s plate of food and saying, “She likes you, can you try to get her to eat something?”

We couldn’t leave fast enough, and it cemented for us that having a child free wedding was absolutely the right decision. We had the perfect day.

YABU to expect special treatment. It’s their wedding, their rules. No justification needed.

Might be about venue size rather than cost. We had a venue that only had room for 40, so went child free. We also didn’t have an evening do, so ceremony and meal only, so wouldn’t have been very interesting for children

It’s their choice, however it makes family feel

personally I don’t agree with it, weddings are family events, kids should be welcome. The best weddings I have attended are those with kids, making it a happy event, kids playing etc. all behaved well in the church

But in this case your nephew has said no so your choice is go without, or don’t go

No doubt you will have the last laugh as they moan in a few years friends have invited them but not their kids!