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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To regret moving DP in to my house

591 replies

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:30

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

OP posts:
JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 18:13

Mrsmouse71 · 20/04/2025 18:10

Can’t he go to his mums? Hotel?

No, his parents downsized which is why they have money spare for him.

OP posts:
PeloMom · 20/04/2025 18:13

He can go back to where he came from. He has friends who crashed at yours- he can go to theirs.

Mrsmouse71 · 20/04/2025 18:10

Can’t he go to his mums? Hotel?

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 18:09

I know I’m opening myself up to a lot of ‘I told you so’s’ but I do genuinely need some advice here.

I’ve asked him to move out. I didn’t end up going out yesterday so was here when his friends were round. They made a tight mess in the kitchen and my partner said ‘it’s okay, Jadey will clear up’ as if I’m some sort of skivvy.

When he got home, he crashed in at 2am and was sick in the downstairs bathroom, all over the floor which I discovered this morning.

He says he has no where to go and I will need to wait for him to find somewhere..

OP posts:
femfemlicious · 19/04/2025 10:45

Tameys · 18/04/2025 15:35

Agree.
I know of several sisters of friends that wouldn't be told by their families that they were being used and then were all poor me looking for sympathy when it eventually registered with them.

Similarly I know of friends who had other friends who ended up with user men.
They made one bad decision after another.
After a while their friends had enough of listening to their endless whinging about selfish lazy men who showed exactly who they were early on. They insisted on having children with them and marrying them and being stuck with them, working hard in successful careers, doing all the parenting while carrying loser lazy men.

Its one thing to make poor decisions because you don't know any better, but it really is hard to feel huge sympathy for those who are hell bent on going ahead with losers despite every indication that they are total wasters.

I can well understand why friends and family choose to step away, tired of listening to it.

My cousin has done exactly this. Hope it works out OK for her.

Imadeamistak · 19/04/2025 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

This. I’ll stop following the updates now because IMO it doesn’t ring true, credibility has been lost and atp posters are wasting their time and effort on this persons “story”.

JadeySmiles · 19/04/2025 09:27

GoodCharl · 19/04/2025 09:06

Move cautiously op. This sounds like hes doing it for show. He wont keep it up

I’m definitely going to be cautious and judge actions carefully x

OP posts:
GoodCharl · 19/04/2025 09:06

Move cautiously op. This sounds like hes doing it for show. He wont keep it up

whathaveiforgotten · 19/04/2025 08:58

DorothyStorm · 18/04/2025 22:15

And how attractive did you find him after having to tell him something a teenager should know?

To be fair she still found him attractive (enough that she was worried about putting him off her!) after he laughed in her face and asked what she expected as the woman in the house when she said she wasn’t happy about scraping his excrement off the loo 🤷🏻‍♀️

ThisFluentBiscuit · 19/04/2025 05:24

I don't think that putting him on the mortgage means he gets half the equity if they split. Wouldn't she have to put him on the house deeds for that, since they're not married? And not being married, would he even be entitled to anything? What's to stop OP from having him pay half the mortgage for a while and then kicking him out?

He should be paying OP rent.

Just found this helpful article:
https://www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/blog/unmarried-couples-owning-property-together-the-law/

Calabasas · 18/04/2025 23:27

JadeySmiles · 18/04/2025 22:17

He was in a vest with his arms out so quite a bit actually 😅

Sorry too much wine tonight!! X

Any credibility OP ever had has well & truly gone with that last post. What a joke 🙄

HappilySquare · 18/04/2025 23:10

The day a man laughs in your face if you tell him you don’t want to clean his shit stains of a toilet should always, always be the day you break up with him.

This ^. OP if you didn't fancy him so much would you put up with him?

TwistedWonder · 18/04/2025 23:09

This reply has been deleted

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Neveranynamesleft · 18/04/2025 23:03

OP you say you are going to take all the advice on here on board....I hope that includes the bit about not putting him on the mortgage ?? Take off the rose coloured specs and give your head one mighty big wobble.

NeverOneBiscuit · 18/04/2025 22:59

I came back to the thread, hoping you’d remembered who you were before this dreadful creep sneaked into your life. Sadly you’ve gone full blindfold.

When you were growing up, is this how you imagined life would be with somebody who loved & respected you?

Of course it isn’t. You have a choice: single, single & look to date again, or allow a man to eradicate you whilst shitting in your toilet that he’s managed to convince you he should own half of?

LaBarucci · 18/04/2025 22:41

This is getting really, seriously creepy now.

OP, your spelling is American - you don't live in the town of Stepford, Connecticut, do you?

lola006 · 18/04/2025 22:26

JadeySmiles · 18/04/2025 22:14

Thank you, I’m going to take all the advice here on board though and make sure he keeps this up and doesn’t just do it for a week or so before reverting to how he was before x

Ffs OP. He’ll do it for months to get his name on the mortgage. Wine and arms out be damned. As we’ve all been saying from the start you’ll be back here when you’re 1-2 kids in and he’s doing fuck all but he has a stake in the house. See you then!

JadeySmiles · 18/04/2025 22:17

DorothyStorm · 18/04/2025 22:15

And how attractive did you find him after having to tell him something a teenager should know?

He was in a vest with his arms out so quite a bit actually 😅

Sorry too much wine tonight!! X

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 18/04/2025 22:15

JadeySmiles · 18/04/2025 22:13

He just got on with it x

And how attractive did you find him after having to tell him something a teenager should know?

JadeySmiles · 18/04/2025 22:14

DRose3 · 18/04/2025 22:05

Good to hear he’s pulling his weight, and got a bit of a fright. It appears he was being thoughtless, lazy, and taking you for granted. I hope the good behaviour continues OP, and sounds like it will as he doesn’t want to lose you! All the best!

Thank you, I’m going to take all the advice here on board though and make sure he keeps this up and doesn’t just do it for a week or so before reverting to how he was before x

OP posts:
JadeySmiles · 18/04/2025 22:13

DorothyStorm · 18/04/2025 22:10

What was his response when you sent him back to do the buts he had missed?

He just got on with it x

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 18/04/2025 22:10

JadeySmiles · 18/04/2025 18:06

Well, kind of, but I’ve looked at the bathroom and he’s missed a few obvious bits 😂but he has to start somewhere right!

What was his response when you sent him back to do the buts he had missed?

DRose3 · 18/04/2025 22:05

Good to hear he’s pulling his weight, and got a bit of a fright. It appears he was being thoughtless, lazy, and taking you for granted. I hope the good behaviour continues OP, and sounds like it will as he doesn’t want to lose you! All the best!

Starling7 · 18/04/2025 21:23

My darling, if you are for real, and not a journalist or a lurking male trying to stir us up, then all I can say is I wish you well. You seem to be clinging onto this substitute for love, even though it's cutting your fingers. You seem to need to put yourself through this tough life lesson inspite of the hundreds of concerned intelligent women begging you to walk away. You matter. Even if your past, your childhood, other people have made you believe otherwise. Being eventually dumped by a crap boyfriend can be devastating but walking away from a crap boyfriend feels amazing. Trust me.

YourWinter · 18/04/2025 21:12

I’m out, there’s none so blind as one who will not see. You’ve had ample advice but you’re sure you’re right.