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Original poster

To regret moving DP in to my house

591 replies

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:30

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 20/04/2025 18:37

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 18:28

You need to call the police. It might take a couple of hours for them to get there so call them now. Get the ball rolling.
They will remove him for you
and if he kicks off all of his accommodation needs will be met by HMPS

He can visit King Charles for a bit. Let’s hope his cellmate Big Marv is okay with doing the cleaning.

FOJN · 20/04/2025 18:35

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 18:13

No, his parents downsized which is why they have money spare for him.

Show quote history

They downsized to a one bedroom? Well I'm sure they have a sofa.

It's your house and he has no legal right to occupancy. He needs to pack his bags and leave. Where he goes is not your problem to solve.

LillyPJ · 20/04/2025 18:30

@JadeySmiles If you start to feel guilty about kicking him out when he says he has nowhere to go, remember that it is HIM who is kicking himself out. You've given him warnings and second chances already. He has no-one to blame but himself.

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 18:28

You need to call the police. It might take a couple of hours for them to get there so call them now. Get the ball rolling.
They will remove him for you
and if he kicks off all of his accommodation needs will be met by HMPS

Uricon2 · 20/04/2025 18:28

Well, that didn't take long.

As everyone else has said, he's not your problem and you can get rid of him now if you want to. He has friends, he has parents.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 20/04/2025 18:26

You need to enlist some help as it’s seems you have no backbone dealing with this man.
His parents downsized? So what. Do they live in a tiny one bedroom flat with three people on blow up beds in the lounge as well? No. Well they can take him in.
Or better still he can have his funds off them now. He can go and stay in a hotel or with one of his mates.
FFS @JadeySmiles this is getting ridiculous. He’s got a job, he pays half the bills, he can use that money to get a room.
It is YOUR home. Get some physical help. New locks. Bag his stuff and get him out. He had no rights to your home. The way he treated it yesterday is a disgrace and his friends are dickheads as well.
You need to find some backbone because this man is now abusing you and your home.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 20/04/2025 18:26

Do not give him the chance to stay until he finds somewhere else. The relationship is over (I assume?) and he has no rights to be there. He'll have to have the money from his parents and stay in a hotel and then rent somewhere. Not your proboem

LyingSmilingInTheDark · 20/04/2025 18:23

Exactly as others have said - this, and he, are no longer your problem. He is no longer welcome in your home and will have to find somewhere else. You don't "have to" wait for him to do anything. Fucking cheek of the man.

As others have said, someone who will not leave your home willingly can be escorted or by the police.

Wishing you peace, and a lot of work on understanding and properly intensifying the fact that you do not exist to do the bidding of men (housing them, cleaning up after them or appeasing them). Xx

Puzzledandpissedoff · 20/04/2025 18:22

He says he has no where to go and I will need to wait for him to find somewhere

And what was your response to this, @JadeySmiles?

LillyPJ · 20/04/2025 18:22

I'm so glad to hear that you've put your foot down, @JadeySmiles. I don't think anyone here will say 'I told you so'. It's so hard to see clearly when your emotions are involved and you are doing the right thing. Stay firm and remember he's an adult and not your responsibility. Good luck!

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/04/2025 18:21

Nope, he's taken the piss constantly, had all his last chances, he can fuck off to a Travelodge/Premier Inn, mates house, AirBnB, he has plenty of options.

The bottom line is he doesn't want to move out, doesn't think he should have to and thinks if he hangs on long enough you will change your mind and relent and give him yet another chance.

Tell him to fuck off within the hour or you'll call the police/some big mates and get him removed.

Tameys · 20/04/2025 18:20

What he does or where he goes is NOTHING to do with you.

This is YOUR home.
He leaves NOW.
Or he deals with the police.

Text him now that you want him out of your home right now.

He can gather a bag and collect his stuff.

Do nog fall for tears nor begging.

You are in an abusive relationship with someone who hasn't one ounce of respect for you.

consistentlyinconsistent · 20/04/2025 18:20

Hotel, friends, sleeping on mum and dad's sofa. It isn't your problem.

MeAndMyGhost · 20/04/2025 18:19

I agree, you need to move quickly here.

Friends/family need to bear the burden here. No more chances, he's shown you, in technicolor lighting, what he is. No more now.

Hoardasurass · 20/04/2025 18:19

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 18:13

No, his parents downsized which is why they have money spare for him.

Show quote history

They have a sofa don't they?
Pack his bags and tell him to get lost

Tameys · 20/04/2025 18:18

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 18:13

No, his parents downsized which is why they have money spare for him.

Show quote history

Have you pictures of the mess?
Send them to his parents.
Tell them you want him out of your home NOW.

You owe this scum nothing.
Can family come to help?

MeridianB · 20/04/2025 18:17

No point debating this with him. It’s his problem to solve.

Wait for his next work day and book a locksmith to change everything. Dump his stuff at his parents house. Block him. He deserves nothing less.

AlertCat · 20/04/2025 18:17

You have to be firm, because if he can stay now as he has nowhere to go, that means he can stay tomorrow as well, and all week- he has no incentive to arrange somewhere else unless you force him to go, and he won’t- he’ll bed in and manipulate you.

HomeTheatreSystem · 20/04/2025 18:16

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 18:09

I know I’m opening myself up to a lot of ‘I told you so’s’ but I do genuinely need some advice here.

I’ve asked him to move out. I didn’t end up going out yesterday so was here when his friends were round. They made a tight mess in the kitchen and my partner said ‘it’s okay, Jadey will clear up’ as if I’m some sort of skivvy.

When he got home, he crashed in at 2am and was sick in the downstairs bathroom, all over the floor which I discovered this morning.

He says he has no where to go and I will need to wait for him to find somewhere..

Not your problem: he had somewhere to live but because he's not house trained he's now homeless. He can live with his parents or rent a room as a lodger in the short term. Change the locks, pack his stuff up and arrange a time he can collect it when you've got friends there to provide support.

Tameys · 20/04/2025 18:16

OP, this is a blessing.
He really does think you are a skivvy.

Tell him you want him out and will call the police if he doesn't pack his shit together now.

He is utter scum.
Treat him like it.
Tdxt him that you want him to leave YOUR home immediately.

Then he cannot deny he was asked.
Call family, friends, whoever you have to come to your home to help him leave.

Get your key from him to spare you changing the locks.

LaBarruci · 20/04/2025 18:16

He's done you the biggest favour of your life, Jadey. You'll really value a decent man and an equal, respectful, mutually supportive relationship all the more after this debacle. Tell him to book an AirBnB, a hotel, have his mother take him in, but you will not tolerate any more of this in your home.

Mrsmouse71 · 20/04/2025 18:16

Then they’ve got money for a hotel. Is there any chance he’d become violent? Have you got family or a mate who can be with you?

Trickabrick · 20/04/2025 18:16

He’s an adult who clearly has family and friends. He has options, just not ones which are more appealing to him than leeching off your goodwill.

AlertCat · 20/04/2025 18:15

Well done @JadeySmiles - now hold hard to your boundary. Doesn’t his mum have a sofa he can kip on? Isn’t there a travel lodge in your town? He’ll insist on staying for now, then a bit longer, then another reason… no. He’s fucked it up and he needs to face the consequence.

It’s not like this has come out of nowhere, you have been saying your rules and he’s stuck two fingers up at you.

Do you have any friends or relatives (preferably male, as this guy doesn’t respect women) to help you enforce the boundary? At the least he needs to go elsewhere now, and arrange to collect his belongings later on.

AutumnFroglets · 20/04/2025 18:14

No Jadey, you have told him to leave so he has to leave.

His mother has a house so he can kip on her sofa. He's working so he can pay for a travelodge. Tell him if he doesn't pack his bags and leave NOW then you will be calling the police to remove him. And mean it.