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To regret moving DP in to my house

591 replies

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:30

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

OP posts:
JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 20:11

One of my friends lives close and has said I can stay with her tonight if I want, then he will be gone tomorrow.

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 20/04/2025 20:05

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 19:38

No he won’t clean. Says it’s my house so my job.

He’s really showing his true colours now isn’t he? If he agrees it’s your house, why is he still there?

What are you doing this evening? Are you shut in your room trying to ignore him or something?

Mrsmouse71 · 20/04/2025 20:04

Seriously, the cleaning is irrelevant now, all that’s important is you get him out and you’re safe

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 20/04/2025 20:03

He really is full of excuses, isn't he.

NO NO NO to the spare room, he goes now !

as Mummy and Daddy don't want him turning up late at night

otherwise you have no choice but to dial 999 and get him out

do you know how many women have been killed this week by angry men for one reason or another

Zonder · 20/04/2025 19:57

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 19:38

No he won’t clean. Says it’s my house so my job.

I'm glad he has really shown you his true colours. What about his mess so his job?

Calabasas · 20/04/2025 19:53

Actually you should look to change your locks anyway regardless of if he goes quietly/quickly. You don’t want any repercussions.

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 19:49

LillyPJ · 20/04/2025 19:45

@Withoutfearorfavour I can see he's an awful man but there's no need to be so melodramatic and scare-mongering about it.

What is the most dangerous time of the abuse cycle?

Unfortunately, the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when the victim tries to leave. That is when they are most likely to be seriously injured or even killed by the abuser.

https://www.tessacs.org

TESSA of Colorado Springs | Building a Community Without Domestic or Sexual Violence

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FOJN · 20/04/2025 19:47

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 19:23

He says he is going to go to a friends first thing tomorrow and he is sleeping in the spare room tonight so I don’t have to see him.

He doesn't get to dictate when he moves out of your house. If you want him gone tonight tell him you want his key now and he has an hour to pack and then you will call the police. This doesn't mean you will call the police but hopefully the threat will be enough to make him get a move on.

Call a friend or family member to come and keep you company whilst you wait for him to go.

Mrsmouse71 · 20/04/2025 19:47

LillyPJ · 20/04/2025 19:45

@Withoutfearorfavour I can see he's an awful man but there's no need to be so melodramatic and scare-mongering about it.

There is every reason to be melodramatic and scaremongering. Do you know how many woman are the victims of violence when they’re trying to end a relationship???

Calabasas · 20/04/2025 19:47

Surely his lovely parents have a sofa bed or spare bed?? They may not be his first choice but he’s not in a position to choose. He’s treating you with such disrespect that he doesn’t get the luxury of choice imo. Can’t believe the turn of events but suggest you get somebody one of your friends locally to come over & check in on you while this is going on. It will show him you’re not completely alone/vulnerable. The sooner you can get him out the quicker. He should have plenty of money to pay for accommodation if he’s not paying rent. Again that isn’t your responsibility. You need to impose a deadline & stick to it - if you’re not out by x time I will change the locks type thing. Good luck.

Gundogday · 20/04/2025 19:46

Good riddance!

LillyPJ · 20/04/2025 19:45

@Withoutfearorfavour I can see he's an awful man but there's no need to be so melodramatic and scare-mongering about it.

Isthisit22 · 20/04/2025 19:44

I know it doesn’t seem so now but this is the best thing that could have happened. At least you now know for sure what he really thinks about women and you. You have had a lucky escape.
Please stay safe. Is there anyone you can call to come and stay or help you get him out?
You owe him absolutely nothing.

WeHaveTheRabbit · 20/04/2025 19:42

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 19:38

No he won’t clean. Says it’s my house so my job.

He really is a pig. He still thinks he has no responsibility to clean up after himself. Tell him, "Yes, it is my house. And now it's time for you to leave. Not tomorrow. Now."

I know it must be distressing for you to realise he isn't the man you thought he was and that you have no future with him. It may be cold comfort, but at least he showed his true colours before you became even more committed to him, before marriage, before children.

Mrsmouse71 · 20/04/2025 19:42

Do you have family or friends who can be with you until he goes?

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 20/04/2025 19:42

Please read your own words and as PP have said he doesn’t sound stable. He actually sounds unhinged.

To regret moving DP in to my house
Mylovelygreendress · 20/04/2025 19:41

He is probably hoping you will change your mind by the morning.
I once had to get the police to remove someone from my house and they were very discreet .

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 19:40

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 19:38

No he won’t clean. Says it’s my house so my job.

Jade, he needs to go tonight in case he decides to kill you.
everybody else is gently tiptoe around that fact, but you are in the most danger now than you have ever been at any time in your life.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 20/04/2025 19:39

Your house get out then. I don’t know this man and I’d throw him out myself if I could get my hands on him!!!

Bumblebeestiltskin · 20/04/2025 19:38

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 19:38

No he won’t clean. Says it’s my house so my job.

Tell him that it's your house so he can't stay another night

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 19:38

WeHaveTheRabbit · 20/04/2025 19:30

You really don't have to allow him to stay tonight if you don't want to. As PPs have said, he has options. In any case, I hope he has cleaned the mess he made.

If he refuses to leave, you are well within your rights to call the police. Please don't worry about embarrassment in front of the neighbours. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. If your ex makes a scene, I would imagine that your neighbours would have only sympathy for you.

No he won’t clean. Says it’s my house so my job.

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 20/04/2025 19:32

Hotels might be extortionate but if it’s only one night he can manage. Or he could sleep in his car. Or he could sleep at his parents house, I’m sure they have floor space somewhere. He has no intention of moving out. He expects to talk you round tomorrow.

Well done for telling him to go though. That can’t have been easy.

WeHaveTheRabbit · 20/04/2025 19:30

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 19:23

He says he is going to go to a friends first thing tomorrow and he is sleeping in the spare room tonight so I don’t have to see him.

You really don't have to allow him to stay tonight if you don't want to. As PPs have said, he has options. In any case, I hope he has cleaned the mess he made.

If he refuses to leave, you are well within your rights to call the police. Please don't worry about embarrassment in front of the neighbours. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. If your ex makes a scene, I would imagine that your neighbours would have only sympathy for you.

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 19:30

Mrsmouse71 · 20/04/2025 19:28

Please be careful, if he drinks tonight he could easily be violent, he’s already proved to be a total prick

Absolutely all of this this is the most dangerous time for you, Jade
You’ve shown him your cards you’ve told him you don’t want him
He has nowhere to live and nothing to lose. He might as well hurt you before he goes. Try and save some of his ego.

He has to go tonight. You can’t sleep in the house with him tonight.

Mrsmouse71 · 20/04/2025 19:28

Please be careful, if he drinks tonight he could easily be violent, he’s already proved to be a total prick