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Original poster

To regret moving DP in to my house

591 replies

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:30

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

OP posts:
mummytrex · 17/04/2025 23:18

he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house

Also explains why his mum went to clean his rental before he moved in 🙄

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 17/04/2025 23:16

He's come up with a ton of excuses for not pulling his weight, he's never going to do any chores @JadeySmiles and as for being on the mortgage he can fuck right off.
I know it's hard to end things with someone you have feelings for but if you don't you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

mummytrex · 17/04/2025 23:16

"he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house"

Baffled by this. He can't clean up after himself because he doesn't currently have a claim to your house? As for letting him know what needs to ge done, your previous thread confirmed you'd tried that and it had fallen on deaf ears. Not only that HE is now sulking and has you on the back foot in your own home (for asking him not to be a lazy sexist grubby), that YOU pay for save for his share of bills - whether he actually pays you any rent is unclear.

He has ZERO intention of pulling his weight. You'd be a fool to let him continue living with you, let alone putting him on your mortgage or considering kids with him in the future.

Also did he actually apologise to you for disrespecting you yesterday - buggering off the the pub to watch the football when you'd agreed to have a serious discussion? It came across to me as him showing you who is in charge (him) and that he'll deal/discuss things on his terms.

sugarapplelane · 17/04/2025 23:15

OhcantthInkofaname · 17/04/2025 23:00

He is unwilling to do his share of household chores unless you give him half your house? But you are concerned about him dumping you? I would be grateful. It's not a mess. He has shown you who he is. Please you are worth more.

This.

You should be dumping his ass not worrying that he may dump you.

What hold does this guy have on you Op?

Tootiredtowhat · 17/04/2025 23:14

Sorry OP what an awful situation. I think you need to give him his marching orders in the morning. He can use the bank holiday to move in with his parents. Awful situation.

Tells you everything he can’t even pull together the money for a deposit by himself, but is using his parents for that. He’s an absolute leach. Leaching off them, leaching off you. Does he achieve anything independently?

Millyjanice · 17/04/2025 23:14

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:50

I originally thought if living together this early didn’t work then he could move out and we’d continue with the relationship and try again in the future, but I don’t think that’s realistic now. If I suggested going back on this I think he’d dump me.

What a mess 😫

If he dumped you he’d be doing you a huge favour, believe me !

Why are you so desperate to hold on to him ??

As well trying his hardest to ensure you do all the chores ( remember what he said to friend’s husband ?… he still believes this!), he’s trying to pressure you into getting him on the mortgage.

Once he’s on the mortgage and he sees you as trapped he’ll turn nastier.

beAsensible1 · 17/04/2025 23:14

do not put him on the mortgage, are you insane.

let him pay towards utilities and thats it. if he wont, let him move out and then rent yours out and rent somewhere together.

mumoflittlemice · 17/04/2025 23:13

Get. Him. Out.

If you don’t, all these words of sage advice will come back to haunt your bitter and downtrodden future self.

Seriously, summon some courage and eject this feckless twat. Then enjoy your life, freeing yourself up to meet someone actually worthy of you, should you so wish.
Good luck. Please do it.

DorothyStorm · 17/04/2025 23:13

Mrsmouse71 · 17/04/2025 23:10

You’ve had the cleaning conversation, it didn’t work. How many red flags do you want?
Dont be deluded by the he’s a great guy normally

He isnt a great guy normally either.

Here4thechocs · 17/04/2025 23:13

Neveranynamesleft · 17/04/2025 22:32

Do not put him on the mortgage.

Yes. This.

meganorks · 17/04/2025 23:13

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:32

Forgot to add I asked him if he will come up with a split and he just said to let me know where he’s needed and that he doesn’t see the need for a rota given there’s just two of us 😩

'Nor did I, what with you being a grown ass adult. Yet here we are...'

Actually, his response show he is absolutely beyond help. He clearly has no intention of doing any of these things. And rather than seeing this as the time to 'shape up or ship out' he's thinking it's a great opportunity to manipulate you into putting him on the mortgage sooner. So not just lazy, thick as mince..... Unless it works.

For the love of God, kick him out now. This will only get worse.

Tallyrand · 17/04/2025 23:13

This post cannot be real.

Nobody is this gullible and stupid.

Even if they are, nobody is this desperate for a man.

DorothyStorm · 17/04/2025 23:13

He could not be more clear, op. He is a wanker. Dump him.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 17/04/2025 23:11

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 17/04/2025 23:08

I think she's enjoying the attention from MNers.

Show quote history

That's all I think about when I see these threads that are so outrageous plus it's the school holidays, so 🤔.

But I do try to remember that some people live very different lives to my own.

cestlavielife · 17/04/2025 23:10

Nah. He proves himself by showing he knows what to do before you move him in
Best he buys his own place then

Mrsmouse71 · 17/04/2025 23:10

You’ve had the cleaning conversation, it didn’t work. How many red flags do you want?
Dont be deluded by the he’s a great guy normally

Tiswa · 17/04/2025 23:09

He is throwing up so many red flags
misogynistic Comments
prioritising football over talking
sysing he needs to be in the deeds
saying he still won’t do chores

dump him

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 17/04/2025 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I think she's enjoying the attention from MNers.

BacktoBeginnersFran · 17/04/2025 23:07

Just one quick thought before I read the rest.....
Tell him to tell his mother to put the money away for 2+ years. DO NOT be pressured into putting him on the mortgage too soon, as within a year is too soon! They are trying to push you with their sense of urgency, it's how scammers work!!

SpringIsSpringing25 · 17/04/2025 23:06

toomuchfaff · 17/04/2025 22:42

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage

ABSOFUCKINLUTELY NOT

The vacuum cleaner doesn't know whether he's on the Mortgage or not!

He should feel 'comfortable' doing domestic chores wherever he lives!! it has 0 to do with whether you own the place or not.

He's a manipulative twat, lazy and selfish

What are you thinking???

Send them back to mummy and daddy and enjoy having your place to yourself again!!

TwistedWonder · 17/04/2025 23:04

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:50

I originally thought if living together this early didn’t work then he could move out and we’d continue with the relationship and try again in the future, but I don’t think that’s realistic now. If I suggested going back on this I think he’d dump me.

What a mess 😫

And why is this lazy manipulative pathetic waste of space man child, who is trying to get put on your mortgage so he’s can take half your house when if you split, dumping you a bad thing?

It’s a only a mess because despite him waving a million red flags in your face, you’re refusing to see them through your rose tinted specs - wake the fuck up before you let this loser bleed you dry.

Read the unanimous opinion that he’s a wrongun and see what he’s showing you. He’s a useless wanker - what on earth is appealing about him?

PenelopeJane91 · 17/04/2025 23:02

Your best friend confides in you, she says what you say in your OP. How do you respond to her?

RUN.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 17/04/2025 23:02

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:50

I originally thought if living together this early didn’t work then he could move out and we’d continue with the relationship and try again in the future, but I don’t think that’s realistic now. If I suggested going back on this I think he’d dump me.

What a mess 😫

Take the advice of all these knowledgeable, experienced women. Dump him first. You need a partner not a man child. When you said his mum cleaned his flat for him that was the one and only thing I needed to hear to say LTB. It will never ever get any better. He will always expect you to do everything for him like his mum did.

OhcantthInkofaname · 17/04/2025 23:00

He is unwilling to do his share of household chores unless you give him half your house? But you are concerned about him dumping you? I would be grateful. It's not a mess. He has shown you who he is. Please you are worth more.

Newmumhere40 · 17/04/2025 23:00

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:50

I originally thought if living together this early didn’t work then he could move out and we’d continue with the relationship and try again in the future, but I don’t think that’s realistic now. If I suggested going back on this I think he’d dump me.

What a mess 😫

Read that message back to yourself and ask yourself if this is what you're worth. If the answer is yes there is nothing any of us can say to change your mind.