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Original poster

To regret moving DP in to my house

591 replies

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:30

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

OP posts:
Lotsofsnacks · 18/04/2025 00:09

Why can’t he buy his own place with the money from his mum and dad OP? Why does he need to be on your mortgage, can’t he get his own, if he so desperate to have one?

Justchillinhere · 18/04/2025 00:07

That's enough now, you've got to see what a massive user he is, pack up, ship out, drama over

Gimpee · 18/04/2025 00:05

I agree with others don't put him on mortgage, did you work that hard to give it to someone else? Saying he will only feel comfortable when on mortgage is crap he wants that to control you run away and change locks

sandpiperspring · 17/04/2025 23:59

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:32

Forgot to add I asked him if he will come up with a split and he just said to let me know where he’s needed and that he doesn’t see the need for a rota given there’s just two of us 😩

No no no!

He's positioning you as the manager of all household tasks, and him as the junior, with no responsibility.

This isn't sharing. It sounds like he's expecting you to manage the mental load of running the house and him only to do tasks when asked, not taking any responsibility for any of it.

It reminds me a lot of the cartoon "You should Have Asked" which I think will chime with you, and s a peek into life with this guy (and many like him) if you ever had DC with him.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

The gender wars of household chores: a feminist comic

French comic artist Emma introduces the concept of the mental load. When a man expects his partner to ask him to do things, he is viewing her as the manager of their household chores

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

Elle771 · 17/04/2025 23:57

Oh god pls don't put him on the mortgage... in fact just throw him back

Lotsofsnacks · 17/04/2025 23:53

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:30

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

Omg OP why are you even entertaining carrying on this ‘relationship’ as anyone can see hes desperate to be on your mortgage!! Do not do this!! Hes moaning and sulking already, it should be the honeymoon period!! I remember being so happy when I moved in with dp, as was he. We rented together first and didn’t buy together until we were totally sure of our future together.

why are you so desperate to stay with him? Get him out now and keep your money n mortgage for yourself. This man isnt the one, if you carry on I think you will be reading this thread back in regret, in a year or two, if you don’t get him out of your house

OrangeAndPistachio · 17/04/2025 23:44

You're right op , based on your posts he absolutely is brilliant. I think you should marry him , wash his pants and clean his skids off of the toilet bowl for the rest of your lives. Because if you do this it means that he's off of the market and no other partner will have to tolerate him. You'll be doing womankind a massive favour.

YankeeDad · 17/04/2025 23:37

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:50

I originally thought if living together this early didn’t work then he could move out and we’d continue with the relationship and try again in the future, but I don’t think that’s realistic now. If I suggested going back on this I think he’d dump me.

What a mess 😫

Dump him and get him to move out. Problem solved.

ShouldIEvenBother · 17/04/2025 23:35

I hope this is fake.

If it's real: OP you need to end this relationship as otherwise you will lose your home and your sanity.

He's a user. He's talking utter crap and if you fall for it, things are going to get an awful lot worse.

DorothyStorm · 17/04/2025 23:34

His only good points are that he is there while op is feeling the time passing.

he isnt a good option for a future.

mummytrex · 17/04/2025 23:31

Also how can you just flag up what needs doing?

  1. Is he blind?
  1. You've tried this already - this is the man who when you asked him to clean the bathroom looked at you blankly and said "I'm a man" and then gave a crap explanation that he didn't know how to clean a bathroom.
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/04/2025 23:29

Oh bollocks !

he will feel more comfortable doing his share of the housework when he is on your mortgage

did you really type that out ?!!!

what were you thinking as you did ?

he could use this promised money on a mortgage on his own property and rent it out !

Codlingmoths · 17/04/2025 23:26

Wow. I didn’t think he’d take the ‘I can’t clean unless I’m on the mortgage’ line in the very first conversation about it. Imagine if you were renting together op- in his mind does no one clean? Or is it still the womens job? This is a really really bad sign. Stop stressing about the relationship ending and start thinking about how miserable you will be living with this long term and what a huge mistake giving him half your house anytime soon is. He was pretty quick to retaliate criticise your cooking too.

pinkyredrose · 17/04/2025 23:25

Ah shite Op. It's a big red flag that he's trying to rush you on putting him on the mortgage. So fucking what if his parents money is in a low paying account, they should've put it somewhere else.

If he's insinuating that he'll be fully on board with chores if he's on the mortgage then that's manipulative. He could be showing you how great he is in the house now couldn't he but he can't be arsed. Laughing at you cleaning up his shit is a clear indication of how he sees your place in this relationship.

It's beyond bad that he wants you to tell him what needs doing, he's not a child. It just shows he isn't operating as an adult or treating you as an equal. No woman wants a man she needs to treat like an infant. 'Tell me what to do and I'll do it' is one of the most unsexy things a man can say. It defaults all thinking and planning to you and they do what they're told while expecting a good star.

This isn't an equal relationship. I'd chuck this one back and find a grown up.

He rented a flat before I'm sure he could find another one.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 17/04/2025 23:24

I’m sorry to be blunt, I’ll just repeat what I said on your other thread
” You’re flogging a dead horse”
Being single is Pure bliss. You need to try it asap
You do realise he only wants you for your house?

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 17/04/2025 23:24

Is this a wind up thread. I can't beleive any woman would tollerate this.

Wellhellotheremydear · 17/04/2025 23:24

Why on earth would you put him on your mortgage? Do not do this! If you take any advice from this thread this is the most important!

LadyWiddiothethird · 17/04/2025 23:23

Get rid of this waste of space! What an utter fool you are OP,putting up with this,throw him out now,don’t wait.

TheoriginalMrsDarcy · 17/04/2025 23:23

His comments have red flags all over it. He's not bothered about your feelings, he wants to be put on the mortgage ASAP. He has no funds to buy in himself and has to use bank of mum and dad. He sulks and goes back to gaming. Sorry but he just doesn't seem mature.

I certainly would never put a boyfriend on my house deeds. If he was mature enough, he'd have his own pad. If you split, it's so much harder to get him out. Are you desperate to put him on to share the bills? I would say it's far too early to put him on. See how the relationship pans out first. The house isn't going anywhere. If he's desperate to buy somewhere, let him buy somewhere else.

Getting someone in is easy, kicking them out is much harder.

PullTheBricksDown · 17/04/2025 23:22

What are his good points OP? It would help to know why you want to find a way to make this work. It's not looking great right now.

Alwaysinamood · 17/04/2025 23:21

Sounds very much like he’s trying to emotionally manipulate you into putting him
on the mortgage. And also not doing his shares of the chores because he’s not a woman. So many red flags. Get rid!

ManchesterGirl2 · 17/04/2025 23:20

Argh I'm sorry OP. He's behaving like a tit.

I don't see how moving out and back in again later would solve it. You'd just end up with the same problem. You guys need to hash this out now. I hope he's able to grow up and see sense, but he may be just too embedded in a comforting sexist viewpoint.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 17/04/2025 23:20

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:50

I originally thought if living together this early didn’t work then he could move out and we’d continue with the relationship and try again in the future, but I don’t think that’s realistic now. If I suggested going back on this I think he’d dump me.

What a mess 😫

It’s really not a mess at all! You’re in a great position. It’s your house, just ask him to move out. And never see him again. He sounds awful.

Do NOT under any circumstances put him on your mortgage.

Why would you willingly hand over your financial independence to someone who doesn’t even see when the bathroom needs cleaning?

Waterlilysunset · 17/04/2025 23:19

Don’t put him on the mortgage!!

MzHz · 17/04/2025 23:18

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:50

I originally thought if living together this early didn’t work then he could move out and we’d continue with the relationship and try again in the future, but I don’t think that’s realistic now. If I suggested going back on this I think he’d dump me.

What a mess 😫

YOU need to dump HIM love.

ask him to move out, tell him you need your space and it’s not working.

You could have LOST your house over this.