To regret moving DP in to my house

Who on here would put this person on their mortgage?

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

Riddiculous. When I was a lodger or renter in various houses I’d happily split the chores. There was no Question of this. Many people do so in flatshares, lodgings, family homes, partners houses etc. You don’t need to be on the mortgage to “get stuck in” 😂 why would he feel awkward?? You’re not asking him to redecorate the whole house, you’re just asking him to do his half of the housework!

If he had a grain of respect and consideration for you he would be trying to prove to you he is going to be respectful of your home and be an equal partner. The fact is he trying to call
the shots is wild and shows how little he thinks of you.

I must agree with pp you’re walking right into a terrible situation if you don’t bring this to a halt immediately.

Why are you worried about him dumping you when you should be making plans to break up with him or at the very least giving him notice to leave?

Please dig deep and find some self-respect OP , take some time to consider whats happened to lead you to a place where you’re tolerating this.

He’s being so obvious in his disrespect, disregard and dislike of you, that if you go along with this and get burnt you can’t really say you didn’t see it coming.

You’ve had plenty of good advice on both threads but not sure if it’s getting through - I sincerely hope it is.

DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE MORTGAGE!

What a fucking manipulative twat! Ick ick ick! 🫣

Why don’t you want to dump
him?

is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life? There can be some adjustments learning to live with another person, but people don’t fundamentally change. They shouldn’t have to fundamentally change.

this man needs to go live alone and let his mother take care of him until she can’t manage anymore. Then he can spend the rest of his life in his messy flat eating takeaways.

I would suggest you do this in public place err on the side of caution it sounds like he wants his own way I learnt hard way after sulking and mental abuse they can become violent.

You need to wise up. Do not put yourself into financial trouble.

Tomorrow you should tell him you've had a think and that you think two years would probably be when you'd be looking to get him onto the mortgage, so he can let his parents know they can invest the funds for two years.

His reaction will tell you everything.

I say that, but his reactions throughout this whole thread have also told you everything already.

Have you met his parents, friends checked him out online. What job does he do? Where did he live previously. Please check him out

OP, please re read your original post. There are red flags flying all over the place. Pay yourself some respect and stand up for yourself. Good luck.

JadeySmiles · Yesterday 22:30
He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

This tells you who he is - he feels you should clean up his shit unless you put him on the mortgage! He expects you to pay him for chores like a kid - only being on the mortgage is not pocket money.

Which is EXACTLY how he behaved in his rental - mummy did his cleaning for him and he lived like a teenager not having to take care of himself.

Throw this one back - he will never be good husband/father material as he doesn't seem to want to be a grown up unless there is something in it for him. What would happen if you were pregnant on bed rest? Had a difficult birth? Or, had a life changing accident? (happened to me). Would you be able to trust him to sort the house, cleaning kids?

Why doesnt he prove he is worth putting on mortgage by doing something. Do you have parents you can ask what they think? Romance fraud is not only those doing it online but in person, they look for those who want to be loved, I would rather be single than give a self centred controlling man my money. Don't put him on mortgage

he can go and live with Mummy, she enjoys doing his cleaning.

next time you date, do not let potential boyfriends know it's your house with a mortgage, just let them think it's rented. or even better - don't discuss it !

you need to read the thread where an Op put the boyfriend on the deeds because he ' felt left out ' now they are splitting up he is entitled to his share of her ( and her mother s ) house !!!

Do you really see a future with this guy? What is he bringing to the table? You are not compatible so move him out permanently and find someone who aligns with your values

You can’t settle for this. If you ‘come up with what’s needed’ he will be mad at you for nagging (& for not giving you half your house). If you don’t tell him, he will leave it all to you. Probably a good thing you asked him to move in as otherwise you might have taken ages to see him for who he really is op. Give it 7 days, say you’re not a 6yo, I am uncomfortable having to tell you what to tidy or clean to pull your weight around the house, I tried talking about it and was really disappointed with your reaction, you’re not actually interested in being a partner and this isn’t working.

No way!

If he is asking you to manage him now that's what you will do throughout your relationship - it will wear you down and he will say you nah him to do abc all the time. That is not a partnership which is what you want.

Get shut of him now. He will not change.

He doesn't feel like doing chores because he's not in the mortgage!!!!

So it's your job to house him as well as clean up. And once on the mortgage he will magically change!

He'll be doing the washing up while admiring the pigs flying by your kitchen window OP.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage

Eh? He can’t do any housework unless it’s in a house he owns?!
What an absolute load of bollocks.
So if you were renting together what would happen then, he’d just do nothing because he’s ’not on the mortgage”?
This is such a pathetic excuse and so easy to see through. As others have said, his priority is getting his name on YOUR mortgage and YOUR house and then sitting back doing nothing while you do all the work. He has no intention of doing his fair share or contributing in any way.
Please, please don’t put him on the mortgage.

We have had the conversation about split of chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be.

He says his Mum has told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

Oh my, he’s not just a cocklodger, he’s applying sales techniques to his discussions / negotiations about his status / position.

Look up “create urgency and scarcity”, “highlight the benefits, not just features”, and “leverage FOMO”.

Then make plans to get him out of your house. No matter what he pleads, do not put him on your mortgage.

Wow - he's a manipulative little weasel

Refuses to do "women's work" Won't discuss chores, avoids conversations by running off to the pub or going off in a sulk - and thus avoiding any chores

Wants you to pony up your property without committing to anything in return. He feels he's got his feet under the table and can force you into the little woman/mummy role.

His "I'm a man" so won't clean is not a joke - it is who he really is and what he expects in a relationship- He just expects you to submit because he's the man.

Do you really see a long term future here? - you will be fighting this battle in 10 years but by then he will own 50% of your home and you will still be doing 100% of the cleaning and 100% of childcare.

OPs posts don't read like a teenager, but I don't understand how a grown woman would put up this shit and then worry that if she doesn't put him on the mortgage he might dump her.

Really hoping it's a wind up, otherwise the whole thing is just desperate.

Abusive relationships can be like a frog in water that's heated from cold to boiling water, a gradual increase in abusive behaviour, but this is like a frog in a microwave.

My thoughts too have his parents told you they will give him money? The sulking is a controlling mechanism. Put in on mortgage you will loose property once on mortgage he can borrow money against it, you could end up in debt with no home.

I know, chores need to be done regardless of who owns the house. By that logic, if you were renting it house-sitting for a friend, chores don't need to be done?

FUCK ME.

He's lived there 2 whole months, there's already problems cropping up, and he's now desperate and pushing to be put on the mortgage which can give him a claim on your property.

What would you tell your daughter to do?

Fuck me, this man must have a magic fucking penis to get away with mugging you off this bad.

How many times, in how many different ways, does he have to tell you that he ain’t lifting a finger?
You must know this. Do you usually struggle with self worth or is it just this scenario? He’s walking all over you in YOUR house. You’re tolerating so much bullshit from him that you’re coming across as desperate to stay with him no matter what?