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Original poster

To regret moving DP in to my house

591 replies

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:30

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

OP posts:
Original poster
JadeySmiles · 18/04/2025 07:13

Sorry forgot to add - I have met his Mum, she is really caring and supportive. She can be a bit OTT sometimes, but it comes from a good place.

OP posts:
Original poster
JadeySmiles · 18/04/2025 07:11

Thanks for all the replies, I’ve read back. Had a awful nights sleep thinking about what to do next, I really don’t want to but I think I’m going to need to approach him with a list/split today and if he outright refuses then I’ll have to be even more firm.

I appreciate all the advice re. Mortgage and can assure you that he won’t be added to this until we’re in a good place and he is pulling his weight. I will look after myself in that regard as it is my home and I’d never want to lose it.

It’s hard because DP has always been such a caring and supportive partner, we had the best times before he moved in, and we’re compatible in every area. He is the only man I’ve ever imagined being able to have babies with and I just want him to be on a similar page as me with the house work.

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 18/04/2025 07:10

I despair.
That a bright, young woman who owns her own home is so desperate for a man that she turns into a doormat.
You are worried he will dump you?
Let him.
The CF.
His first relationship? He’s got some lessons to learn he’s like a fucking teenager.
Send him home to mum.
With his PlayStation.

femfemlicious · 18/04/2025 07:08

He will become so hostile, you won't believe it!. You will have an enemy living I your house once he gets his name on your property!

femfemlicious · 18/04/2025 07:06

@JadeySmiles I don't think you realise how bad this can get. Him dumping you is actually him doing you a favour. As they say in my culture, this man is going to show you PEPPER!!!. end this NOW!. listen to those of us who have been there. You just don't understand how bad he is going to get if he is already like this now!

FrozenFeathers · 18/04/2025 06:54

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be.

Oh no! No! No! No!

He is trying to become a barnacle in your life. Once he is on the mortgage (and/or on the deed) it will be even harder to get rid of him and by that time he will have thought of even more excuses to be a lazy slob.

He has shown himself to be lazy, a user and a misogynist. Why are you still considering keeping this waste of space in your life, OP? Raise you standards. You deserve better than to be leeched off of by a man who thinks of you as a house hold appliance and sugar mamma.

Is he really so charming and good looking that his laziness and uncaring attitude towards yourself makes up for all the extra cost and work he is causing you?

DonewhatIcando · 18/04/2025 06:48

@JadeySmiles
Bloody hell!!!!
Please listen to what everyone on here is saying and what you know deep down is true.
You've hooked a Grade A cocklodger who need chucking back into the penis pool.
He's shown you what he is, believe him.
He's after your house, he wants a nice big slice of everything you've worked for.
This man child is not a keeper, he's a taker.
I've had two very long term relationships (never married) and I never put either on my mortgage although they lived with me, I didn't want to end up in a situation where I could lose my home.
My dsis is going through court now fighting her ex whose trying to force the sale of her home, making dsis and their shared disabled dc homeless.
Chuck him out, if he dumps you I'd take that as a win.
The fact that you think he'll dump you shows that this relationship is not based on his love for you but on what you can provide.
Save yourself ❤️

RhiWrites · 18/04/2025 06:47

You should dump him. You now know he’s a misogynist who doesn’t know how to clean and doesn’t care to learn. Even though you both work he see’s his role as “helping out a bit” with cleaning.

You know in your heart you’ve made a mistake. Tell him he needs to go to his mum’s while you rethink the relationship. Watch him promise to change and love bomb you. Then dump him.

Gimpee · 18/04/2025 06:29

I don't believe mummy providing deposit why do you need deposit if jadey already owns house

Gimpee · 18/04/2025 06:26

You posted on here as you knew this wasn't right listen to us

healthybychristmas · 18/04/2025 06:23

It's absolutely no surprise that mummy is providing the deposit.

Gimpee · 18/04/2025 06:21

I bet he would not dump you he wants half your house. Have you met his mum? Does he work? What proof have you seen there is money from mum? Please kick him out

healthybychristmas · 18/04/2025 06:20

You would have to be insane to put him on your mortgage. If you ever feel tempted, see your doctor immediately and ask for urgent help.

Tell him to move out. Of course that will end the relationship. He wants your house. He wants you to do all the housework. His nice guy mask is slipping. Get him out now.

SoScarletItWas · 18/04/2025 06:18

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/04/2025 22:52

To echo the start of my last post on your first thread:

Ha, ha, ha,

He might be a bit more interested once you hand him ownership of somewhere north (and potentially the equivalent of travelling to the Arctic Tundra, depending upon where you live) of a hundred thousand pounds?

He's not even got it in him to pretend for more than a month that he gives a shit about you, not even with the prospect of his gullible girlfriend giving him more money than he's ever going to begrudgingly hand over for groceries, bearing in mind he's being housed for free as well.

Fuck's sake woman, if you want an ungrateful but aesthetically pleasing male in the house, get a sodding cat.

👏👏👏

CheshireDing · 18/04/2025 06:17

what everyone else is saying!

Tell him to move out OP.

Gundogday · 18/04/2025 06:14

MayaPinion · 18/04/2025 06:03

If you think he’s magically going to turn into Mrs Hinch the minute his name is on the mortgage you’re very much mistaken. He’s only been there 2 months - this is him at his best. Once he gets his name on that mortgage he’ll be 10 times worse.

True. He needs to provide himself. He’s failed!

Gundogday · 18/04/2025 06:13

WaltzingWaters · 18/04/2025 06:11

Why on earth is that bothering you? YOU DUMP HIM. He’s lazy and misogynistic and that isn’t going to change, so just dump him and find someone better.

Show quote history

This. Don’t let him have the control.

Gundogday · 18/04/2025 06:13

He’s a peach. He really doesn’t get it, does he!

How does he think the shopping gets done, clothes washed, houses cleaned etc? He’s only been there a short time, and he’s become a cocklodger (one of the quickest in the history of mn?). You’re in the honeymoon period of living together, and he’s failed that.

I know you envisaged a life together, children etc, but I hope you’re re-evaluating this in light of this thread. Contemplating splitting up is a scary situation, grieving the life you anticipated and going alone. This man is not a life partner.

and please do not put him on the mortgage!!!
(This is not his decision to make either).

WaltzingWaters · 18/04/2025 06:11

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:50

I originally thought if living together this early didn’t work then he could move out and we’d continue with the relationship and try again in the future, but I don’t think that’s realistic now. If I suggested going back on this I think he’d dump me.

What a mess 😫

Why on earth is that bothering you? YOU DUMP HIM. He’s lazy and misogynistic and that isn’t going to change, so just dump him and find someone better.

Wallywobbles · 18/04/2025 06:10

He’s shown you exactly who he is and you’ve fumbled the conversation that could have had impact and he’s walked all over you. He has literally shown that this is the hill he will die on. He’s a man and all the crap in life is for women to deal with.

CloudPop · 18/04/2025 06:09

MayaPinion · 18/04/2025 06:03

If you think he’s magically going to turn into Mrs Hinch the minute his name is on the mortgage you’re very much mistaken. He’s only been there 2 months - this is him at his best. Once he gets his name on that mortgage he’ll be 10 times worse.

And he gets half of the value of your house when you do eventually get sick of him

MayaPinion · 18/04/2025 06:03

If you think he’s magically going to turn into Mrs Hinch the minute his name is on the mortgage you’re very much mistaken. He’s only been there 2 months - this is him at his best. Once he gets his name on that mortgage he’ll be 10 times worse.

Gimpee · 18/04/2025 05:51

We will all support u as it will be hard, I know 17 years with husband who would not do anything not even work, me and sons not his responsibility, was aggressive isolated me from family and friends, did part time cleaning jobs to feed him and boys I ate scraps off plates only weighed 6 stone. When boys got into secondary school I knew I had to do something I was worth more so learned how to use computer and got office job I did really well and went up ladder and managed to get mortgage to buy council house he hated me doing well and realised I had had enough when i told him to get out, I got worst beating ever, he then used to hide in bushes outside house, bugged my house it was nightmare but I didn't back down. Although he paid nothing towards house bills etc I had to give him 50k to go. DON'T LET THIS BE YOU.

333FionaG · 18/04/2025 05:48

Why are you even considering continuing this relationship? He’s not right for you and your life won’t be enriched by him being in it. Dump him, send him back to his mother’s. Know your worth.

kkloo · 18/04/2025 05:44

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:50

I originally thought if living together this early didn’t work then he could move out and we’d continue with the relationship and try again in the future, but I don’t think that’s realistic now. If I suggested going back on this I think he’d dump me.

What a mess 😫

Take back control of the situation and end it first.
You shouldn't want to carry on the relationship in future if he moves out, especially not after you've found out that he has these awful traits.