To regret moving DP in to my house

I wish I had got this support when I met my husband. When he was violent he convinced me that it was my fault I got beaten told me I was fat lazy and ugly every morning used to joke with sons alarm call, he hardly worked

@JadeySmiles please listen to what people are saying. Even now you are going to have to mother him to get him to do any chores, and it won't last. If you go on to have children with him you will be the one carrying everything and getting upset because you have to ask him to do any little job to help you, rather than him seeing it as a partnership.

He really has shown you his deep rooted belief that household stuff is a woman's job, as learnt from his mum.

Why not go the whole hog and just sign your house and its contents over to him now?

This is about a whole lot more than a bloody housework rota.

You put him on the mortgage and I’ll give it six months before you split up and you lose the house or have to buy him out to keep it.

If you don’t get rid of this lazy, dirty, manipulative twat, you’re an absolute fool.

Yeah I'm starting to think the same tbh. It reminds me of the 4-part thread a few weeks back that ended up getting deleted...

We have all replied as we have been in same situation only few months in rose tinted glasses
We don't want to see faults think things will change for better but 99% of times it gets worse. My partner like yours nearly broke me I am in better place but deep down the damage he done will never mend

Of course she is really supportive. She no longer has to clean his house, laundry etc.

Her shifts are over. She's happy he's moved in with you, because now she's free. You're her replacement. And she's grinning from ear to ear. She has never taught him to clean or do laundry, so she knows he won't be doing housework at yours. Why do you think she is so supportive of this?

Welcome to your uphill battle, OP! The talk did not result in him seeing that doing chores equally is the fair thing, only that he'll "chip in as and when." Men like this NEVER change.

And in addition, even though he's proven how little respect he has for you, he wants to be put on the mortgage!! And then he'll do more chores!!! And if he doesn't, what then?

It's really disappointing when an issue like this crops up in an otherwise promising relationship. You weren't to know he was a secret Neanderthal.

@JadeySmiles I urge you to read up on lovebombing/abusive relationship dynamics.

What you’ve written about how amazing he apparently was and you’re compatible in every way… then the absolutely shitty way he’s behaved once he’s got his foot in the door, is the abusers playbook.

DARVO

He’s been pulled up on not cleaning. It’s a woman’s problem (can’t possibly be his fault), then he fucks off the football instead of talking to you (that’s him punishing you, making you wait on him). Then when you do talk, he’s putting it back on you. You need to make a list (he’s making this about you not him). Then he’s complaining about the food (that’s a direct dig at you). And he’s fucked off gaming in the spare room (so you can think about what you’ve done - he’s making you the bad guy).

He's a malignant toad.

Throw him out. Do it today.

He won’t get better. Why would he?

Caring and supportive to whom ? She’s already taught him that housework is a womans’ responsibility, so you can thank her for what’s happening now. Trust me, if the shit ever hit the fan, the ‘support’ would be for her baby boy, not you.

You’ll have to be more firm?? So you are nowhere near the end of this? You are careering towards a parent/child relationship and one in which as the ‘parent’ you will be permanently disappointed with your lazy ‘child’.
It will be like living with a teenager forever.

Sorry but this is a troll. No one could be this desperate. Reported

Christ, you really are dick-matised, aren't you OP? Wake up! He never had - any - intention of doing any housework! This is at 2 months? He should be impressing the socks off you, not sulking or playing on his game thing! Will you wake the f up and throw him in the gutter where he belongs. You are literally brainwashed by this worthless pos! Or utterly desperate for a f*ck. Or both.

It's going to sound corny, but please work on your self esteem. Why would you let a man treat you like this?

Honestly dump him. Been there, done that , got the divorce.
i wish I’d listened to other people. I’m so much happier second time round and I never have to ask DH to pull his weight.
Trust me, you will find someone way better. It shouldn’t be this difficult at this stage.
Good luck!

This ⬆️. Please listen to the good sense on here.

You also believe that cleaning shit and housework is women's work? Well, good luck then

“. Had a awful nights sleep thinking about what to do next, I really don’t want to but I think I’m going to need to approach him with a list/split today and if he outright refuses then I’ll have to be even more firm.”

Sorry, I know it seems like mn is bullying you, and I know it’s not easy but how are you going to be ‘more firm’. Shut down any mention of mortgage.

He sounds like a big man child, get rid of him.

It won't work. He probably won't all out disagree. He just won't follow the rota. It's going to be a miserable situation. He will call you a nag. I guess you want to see with your own eyes. Just make sure you dump him when he doesn't change. Don't keep trying to make him do stuff if he doesn't keep to the rota. Don't let him ground you down.

So for couple of months he was caring until he moved in then changed to get half your house made you feel don't leave me

Not a keeper, based on your replies.

Sulks to try and get part ownership of your house.

It is not your job to direct his efforts in the home.

He is literally telling you who he is. Believe him.

OP why are you planning to be with a man who is only interested in his own comfort ? The house is yours. He’s using that as an excuse not to pitch in with the chores because he doesn’t feel ‘comfortable’, and now he’s come up with some issues with his funding to try to rush you into putting him on the mortgage.

So when he’s actually on the mortgage and you ask him to do stuff you will be ‘a nag’ - he’ll eventually force a split, and you’ll lose your home. As previous posters have pointed out most women would be running for the hills with any one of the behaviours you’ve described here, so why are you still invested ?

Wake up and find your anger. Recognise him for the lazy, moody, entitled, coercive, cocklodging man child he is and kick him out before you lose your home to him.

God bless you. You are such a lovely young woman.
But you are literally sitting with a begging bowl.
A grown man who loves you wants to provide. He wants to prove he is a good partner. He wants to step up.
He does not treat you like this.
Its great having fun dating but it’s not the same as building a future with common goals.
Please don’t waste your time. So many of us have and it never works.
Build your self respect. There is someone better out there. It took me a while but when I did, the difference. An equal partner, someone who proved himself worthy.

WHYAREYOUNOTDUMPINGHIM?????

Get the fuck rid of him, what an absolute prick. 😩