To regret moving DP in to my house

To share my own experience, when my DH moved in he was also quite useless with keeping up with chores. He always helped immediately and without any complaint, but he didn't spontaneously see what needed doing.

When I told him I wanted an equal split, he completely agreed that he should be doing more. He's taken over some chores completely, while others we take it in turns with.

At all times he was polite, acknowledged that I was right to expect more, agreed that the mental load shouldn't be on just person. He made changes straight away.

At no point did he make misogynistic comments, nor a single joke about a subject that he knew was important to me.

So yes, it's possible for someone to change behaviours to a certain extent.

I don't think it's possible to change mindset, however. Your bf thinks all housework is women's work. At this stage in life, his opinion will not change. Even if he starts cleaning his own poo stains off the toilet, he'll be resentful and thinking he's doing you a favour.

Do you want to live like this forever? You talk about having children with this man - will he change nappies? Will he get up in the middle of the night? Will he take over all of the housework so you get a break after giving birth?

Be very very careful about the choices you make going forward.

^^ Perfect response ^^^^

This guy needs to be someone else's problem. His mum's, since she obviously never made him lift a finger.

Agree. If there was a poll it would be about 99% he’s a useless lazy entitled sexist manchild but she would ignore the overwhelming majority and only take notice of the 1% validating her fantasy that he’s some sort of Prince Charming

I think the OP is invested in this relationship and is therefore not interested in hearing anything that pops her bubble of fantasy.

OP, this is who he really is.
A selfish lazy man who expects you to be house skivvy.

Adding him to your hom3and having children will ruin your life, and will be the biggest regret of your life.

It doesn't make any difference what he does and said now.

He thinks you are his mum replacement.

His mum is giving him money, he expects you to clean till he owns a house?

Can you seriously not see how lazy selfish and utterly fxxk up that is?

He doesn't want a partner, he wants another mother.

You will pay dearly for staying with him, but you were well warned.

So how long does hehave to pretend he's willing to do half the housework before you put him on the mortgage? What's your plan for once you've added him and then he refuses to pull his weight anymore?

I think we do (well I do) and what we are trying to convey to you is that his behaviour/ attitude isn't ok and is full of red flags.

People are therefore cautioning against adding him to the mortgage as to be frank this has disaster written all over it (he can say /do the right things temporarily, but he isn't going to change his mindset at this point in his life) long term. Also because once he is on the mortgage he will be harder to get out than now.

He’s only going to get worse. Don’t have kids with this man.

Dont be ridiculous. Threads days in day out are focused on lazy arsehole husbands / partners not lifting a finger. Many, many women ignore these behaviours thinking men will change when they have more to do.

I'm also getting these vibes!

You say you're listening to people, but you're obviously not as you're still giving him a chance.

He's a misogynistic arsehole. Seriously, why are you trying to make this relationship work?

Christ. OP come on, you can do better than this. Men are not supposed to be home improvement projects. You don't pick a random man then try to cajole him into being a decent partner. That's not how it works. You need to get out there and find someone who actually IS a decent partner.

He is extremely sexist in his views. If i had the time id copy and paste all the statements that you have put just here, no doubt sugar coated, showing his sexism. Just read your own posts back. He tells you over and over again he thinks it is women's work and for him to lift a finger requires sexual favours.

a blowjob rota doesnt sound like he understands the concept of consent either.

you said he is amazing and wonderful in all other ways, all ways other than lazy sexist attitude. What I think is that youve had bad relationships and low expectations and this chump isnt as bad as previous nobheads.

what does he do that is amazing?

I think this thread is a wind up. Nobody is this stupid surely?

OP is early 30’s he’s late 20’s.

You're deluding yourself. Stop mothering him. He doesn't need a rota. Do you need a rota to know you need to do housework?! No decent man needs a rota.

It's your life, if you want to live it like this then do so. Personally, it wouldn't be for me. I can only presume you are very young and lacking in relationship experience to think this is in any way normal or acceptable.

Remember to teach them to clean the toilet. Apparently if they don't know how to do it by the time they are nearly 30 it's less embarrassing to let someone else clean your shit up that ask for instructions. Previous thread in case you didn't see that little gem.

He DOESN'T love you. He never did. He's a cocklodger. He went after you because you have your own home.

Don't you get it?

without all this shit

Quite literally. Left in the toilet. Presumably, for OP to clean up

Absolutely this!

Jesus, what a fucking slimy, greasy bit of shit he is. Is there something really wrong with you, OP? Wtf has happened in your life that you haven't thrown him out already. Is getting a fuck that important to you that you debase yourself like this?

My fanny would be drier than the sahara desert. The more you say, the more of a disgusting misogynist bit of shit he is. How can you look at yourself in the mirror?

Talk to you friends, and If they ask, be honest and say you’re having teething problems over household chores. However, you’re planning to sort it out later. See how dp reacts - supporting or sexist?

IMHO this is also a major issue. If he eats meat, would OP (as a vegan) want meat stored in the fridge or the smell of cooking meat permeating her home?

'Simple' - and yet he HASN'T done! He's already shown you what he's like. Unfortunately OP, you've also shown him what you are like and he'll continue to take advantage. When you go for that walk and your friends ask how it's going, tell them the truth and LISTEN to what they say.