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Original poster

Hotel barman came to hotel room door

184 replies

Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 20:23

I'm a bit shaken up.

I'm on a city break with my DD 6. It's a European city, just the two of us. It's been a few days of activities, then we arrive back to the hotel and eat there in the quiet hotel bar.

There is a very friendly barman. He can't do enough for us. We've been chatting for around an hour in the evening. My DD chats but is mainly unwinding with her colouring. I've had one glass of wine every evening and then gone to bed early. He's been a bit flirty, nothing outrageous but I'm slightly wary given I'm a woman travelling alone with my daughter.

There was a group of loud men hanging around, some but not all had their wives with them. They didn't speak English but it was obvious one was making unpleasant remarks at me and they all laughed.

Tonight as usual we went up to bed before 8pm. She then proceeded to get sick all over the bathroom. I put her back to bed and cleaned it up using all the towels. I then phoned reception to apologise for leaving the towels outside the door on the corridor and asked for clean ones. They were having trouble hearing me so I emailed too (relevant as I emailed the info email).

Reception then appeared with fresh towels. I explained about the dirfy towels and we agreed I should take them back inside and leave them on the balcony. All was dealt with.

I heard some of the loud bar people come up and was cussing silently that they were on my floor.

Then another knock on the door and nothing else. I walked over and said hello. It was the barman. I asked him what he wanted. He asked could he help. I said no, she's asleep, goodnight. He then said if we need anything to come down. I said goodnight.

I don't know if I'm overreacting but I'm shaking now. I can't see any reason why he wouldn't just phone the room. I don't like the fact he came and knocked without saying who he was. I could have opened the door and then being manipulated into a conversation on an empty corridor.

Am I being paranoid? It felt very off.

OP posts:
ClaredeBear · 17/04/2025 21:18

I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience and I hope it doesn’t take away from the lovely memories you’ll have. I suspect the encounter with the horrible men, then your daughter being sick, has heightened your spidey senses and you are on high alert for danger. This guy is probably acting out of concern but you’r reacted completely naturally. I hope your daughter makes a speedy recovery.

Hufflemuff · 17/04/2025 21:17

Is it a small hotel? Where the reception and the barman are interchangeable entities and everyone mucks in?

I mean, one of the worse case scenarios, he was coming up to your room to seduce you... but how could that take place with your DD being sick in the background? It seems like an odd time to make his move? Therefore I'm sure it must be innocent.

Original poster
Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 21:13

Beachlovingirl · 17/04/2025 21:10

I was just going to put in sometimes a central email address means that various hotel staff can all view the emails including reservations and the bar etc and he could have seen your email and not known anyone had acted on it and just thought he’d check in on you both.

Was he after a really good tip when you left, or some recognition (if you were sent a survey for example after your stay which has happened to me when I have stayed in hotels) Maybe he didn’t realise he was actually being creepy.

Yes this dawned on me about the email too and him not knowing about reception coming to help already.

OP posts:
zippococo · 17/04/2025 21:13

You called reception someone came to check all is ok, seems like a normal interaction to me. I wouldn’t freak over this.

Original poster
Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 21:11

LittlerCharlotte · 17/04/2025 21:06

He didn't have a chance to say who he was. You didn't ask him. I get why you were unnerved but I think he was just being kind and checking on you.

I did ask who it was. I never opened the door to him at all.

Reception knocked and said who they were at the same time.

Anyway the replies have reassured me. I am definitely feeling anxious due to my child being sick and we are away from her dad.

I feel bad now because, as I said, he couldn't do enough for us throughout the holiday. And I see the sense now of a gentle knock on the door. I also think the email probably got opened by him and he may not have even known reception arrived already with towels.

OP posts:
Beachlovingirl · 17/04/2025 21:10

I was just going to put in sometimes a central email address means that various hotel staff can all view the emails including reservations and the bar etc and he could have seen your email and not known anyone had acted on it and just thought he’d check in on you both.

Was he after a really good tip when you left, or some recognition (if you were sent a survey for example after your stay which has happened to me when I have stayed in hotels) Maybe he didn’t realise he was actually being creepy.

Sparkling2006 · 17/04/2025 21:09

It’s your last night. That’s relevant. So is the flirting.

Bourbonbonbon · 17/04/2025 21:08

I wouldn't be concerned because this is understandable in hospitality if he's formed a connection and has heard your dd is ill. As a parent traveling alone, you might need medicine or help accessing a doctor. However if your instincts are warning you then I would not argue with that.

LittlerCharlotte · 17/04/2025 21:06

He didn't have a chance to say who he was. You didn't ask him. I get why you were unnerved but I think he was just being kind and checking on you.

Nelly91 · 17/04/2025 21:06

I travelled alone with my 6 year old this year and totally understand! I went one step further though and purchased a door wedge with an alarm to stuff under my door each night! Try to relax, I found a few glasses extra of wine helped me sleep and a podcast. You’ll be fine and it’s PERFECTLY understandable you’re worried. When I was away with my little one I leapt up at every noise in my empty corridor I don’t think I properly slept for the duration of the trip.

JanuaryBug · 17/04/2025 21:04

Listen, it could be nothing or it could be something, so your reaction is valid no matter what others think. Please do what you need to do to make yourself feel safe tonight, deadbolt the door and put something up against it.

NilByMuff · 17/04/2025 21:04

Trust your gut.
Travel with a door wedge or two.
Hope your wee one feels better tomorrow 🏵

AngelinaFibres · 17/04/2025 21:03

AngelinaFibres · 17/04/2025 21:03

Either pleasantly fine or hoping for shag after the chatting and flirting 50//0 for me. Definitely don't open the door

50/50

AngelinaFibres · 17/04/2025 21:03

Either pleasantly fine or hoping for shag after the chatting and flirting 50//0 for me. Definitely don't open the door

paranoiaofpufflings · 17/04/2025 21:01

@GoditsmemargaretWhen you’re already feeling anxious and stressed it’s natural to over-focus on these things. But honestly, he just sounds caring. Better that you go home from holiday and remember the caring friendly barman who chatted to you both every evening than focusing on the scare of a knock on the door.
Enjoy the peace of the quiet corridor! The hotel probably placed you there so that you can sleep well.

Paypaypay · 17/04/2025 21:01

I think he was probably concerned and thought he would check without calling and potentially wake an ill child. He may have also been doing a recce because he knows there's some drunks about that have been bothersome to you.

That being said, always trust your gut. Take whatever safety measures you need to in order to feel safe. Be mindful your body will be flooded with cortisol and you will be anxious purely because you have a sick kid in a foreign land and there's been some twats about- you're on high alert- more thank likely the barman is being a good employee.... but that doesn't mean you shouldn't feel how you feel and act accordingly- you're not there to make friends!

Original poster
Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 20:55

paranoiaofpufflings · 17/04/2025 20:47

On one hand you say he is very friendly and you were chatting to him for an hour every evening, on the other hand you say you are shaking because he knocked on your door - he cared enough to check you are ok after you’ve had a big enough problem that you phoned and emailed for assistance.

”I could have been manipulated into a conversation on an empty corridor”, this is a bit of an overreaction.

It sounds to me like you are already anxious about travelling alone, then you became more anxious about a group of fellow guests who made remarks about you even though they weren’t speaking English and you didn’t understand, then you were dealing with a sick child. This barman was just showing an ounce of kindness in all that mess.

I hope your daughter feels better soon and you get home safely.

Edited

I think it's because it's away from the public thoroughfare. The hotel is big but quiet and we are on a private corridor. The bar on the other hand faces onto reception, a few people coming and going.

You are right though and honestly he was very nice to us every evening It gave me a fright though as he didn't knock and say who he was. I would have opened the door to grab towels in my nightie assuming it was reception.

OP posts:
ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 17/04/2025 20:52

EffortlesslyInelegant · 17/04/2025 20:46

Are you really shaking?

Yeah this was uncalled for - don’t be so nasty

Original poster
Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 20:51

EffortlesslyInelegant · 17/04/2025 20:46

Are you really shaking?

What is this post about?

It's so fucking mean, what's the matter with you?

I'm in a foreign country with my child who is sick. I left the bar when some unpleasant seeming men appeared. I'm in a room on an empty corridor and in my nightie and a man I didn't invite appeared at my door.

Yes I'm fucking shaking. Is that ok with you?

OP posts:
paranoiaofpufflings · 17/04/2025 20:47

On one hand you say he is very friendly and you were chatting to him for an hour every evening, on the other hand you say you are shaking because he knocked on your door - he cared enough to check you are ok after you’ve had a big enough problem that you phoned and emailed for assistance.

”I could have been manipulated into a conversation on an empty corridor”, this is a bit of an overreaction.

It sounds to me like you are already anxious about travelling alone, then you became more anxious about a group of fellow guests who made remarks about you even though they weren’t speaking English and you didn’t understand, then you were dealing with a sick child. This barman was just showing an ounce of kindness in all that mess.

I hope your daughter feels better soon and you get home safely.

EffortlesslyInelegant · 17/04/2025 20:46

Are you really shaking?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 17/04/2025 20:45

He might not have phoned the room because you had a sick child there who might have been asleep

Summertimeblahness · 17/04/2025 20:43

It sounds like he was checking to see if you were ok. You had called and emailed to report a problem and you had rowdy people on your floor. BUT I totally understand why you would feel uncomfortable and why it would upset you especially as a lone female.

HousedInMySoul · 17/04/2025 20:39

Put a towel under the door so it can't be opened from the outside, just in case.
You can take it out if there's a fire alarm

Original poster
Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 20:37

I wish he had phoned.

And I don't think he should have knocked and not said who he was. If I'd pulled the door open I would honestly have felt very uncomfortable standing there on an empty corridor with no passing traffic.

He has very very good people skills and I am surprised he would get this wrong so I am still a bit suspicious.

OP posts:
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